


The Prettiest Blue Eyes

by theanonymouspen



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Movie Fusion, Angst, Drama, M/M, Movie Spoilers, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-30
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-12-06 23:06:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 62,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/741218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theanonymouspen/pseuds/theanonymouspen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim can't see Spock anymore—but it doesn't matter. Having been through so much together, nothing is capable of breaking their love.  WARNING: Lots of back story and movie tie-ins leading up to the present. Reviews are LOVED!  Please read author's notes for more info!  Cross-posted on my ffnet account under the same name.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally a one-shot, much longer, and about something else entirely, but I totally changed my mind after a random spark of inspiration and I decided to make this a chaptered fic with a completely new idea! Same title though—I really wanted this title to work. Anyway, here's to hoping I don't get writer's block in the middle of this! I tend to be awful at keeping up with chaptered fictions (which is why I ran away to this penname in the first place).
> 
> This fic is somewhat AU with a bit of a fantasy element to it (set years after the 2009 movie), and is set to be angsty because I've been in a melancholy mood as of late (suffering major writer's block on my other stories on different pseudonyms). As a result, I've made our poor Kirk blind (and other terrible things will happen to him in later chapters, because I'm mean). Don't worry though, I'm planning on making it all better in the end giving this story a happy conclusion, unless of course reviewers vote otherwise, in which case I will just be super malicious.
> 
> If you haven't guessed already, this fic is going to be filled with slashy Spirky goodness, so if that's not your cup of tea, then you will probably want to avoid this story. Not sure if there will be sex scenes, but I'll leave the rating at M just in case I feel inspired—I suppose I can always just take it down if things don't end up in that direction. I'm also going to try to stick in some Chulu, since I love that pairing as well, but we'll see how that goes—I'm pretty awful at writing accents. Finally, characters might be OOC because this is my first time writing this pairing and this fandom, so please forgive me in advance!
> 
> Basically, I honestly have no bloody idea what I'm doing, so here goes nothing!
> 
> Disclaimer: None of the characters or the original plot of the film belongs to me, though if it did, there would be more than just hints of a relationship between Spock and our lovely blonde captain. There's going to be a few random OC's in here though, which are mine, so please don't take them!

  
**The Prettiest Blue** **Eyes**  
 _Prologue_  


_"...and that concludes our lesson for today. Please be prepared to discuss your thoughts on tonight's textbook chapters for next class. Those who have queries are permitted to ask me at this time; I will remain at the front of the room for precisely ten minutes. Class dismissed."_

The sound of papers shuffling could be heard throughout the lecture hall as most students packed their things and filed out of the room. A couple of the students stayed behind to ask some questions.

"Professor Spock!"

The Vulcan man teaching the class was momentarily distracted from his conversation with a student by a voice coming from the doorway. He looked over at the young man who had spoken, a brunette with hazel eyes, and slowly raised an eyebrow.

"Mr. Spencer. May I help you? I trust the matter is somewhat pressing, given that you've just interrupted a conversation I was having with one of your fellow classmates?"

The brunette at the door rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Sorry Professor," he said. "It's just that I almost forgot to tell you that someone is here to see you sir; they asked me before class started to let you know they'd be waiting for you until after your lecture was over."

"Were you given a name?"

"I don't think he wants to draw any attention, sir."

It wasn't that difficult to catch the meaning behind the young man's words. "Very well, do you know where he is waiting?"

"Yes, sir."

Spock gave a slight nod. "Then I ask that you please wait there a moment, Mr. Spencer, until after I have finished providing assistance to your fellow companions."

"Of course, sir."

If Spock were to give in to his human half, he might have sighed. Instead, he returned his attention to his students and patiently answered their questions before returning his attention to the young man at the door. The brunette straightened up quickly as his professor approached.

"Mr. Spencer," said Spock.

Timothy Spencer slightly tilted his head. "This way, Professor Spock. Admiral Kirk is waiting for you in the gardens out back."

The young man, who was in his early twenties, knew better than to wait for some kind of response from his professor and began leading the way. Spock wordlessly followed behind him. The Vulcan noted with mild amusement at how almost predictable Jim Kirk's choice for cover had been—the man had always loved being in the outdoors, and the gardens behind the newest Starfleet Academy were one of the prettiest places on campus. It was set up like a labyrinth; most people didn't venture too far into it during the week so as not to risk getting lost before classes, but it was a popular place to hold special events or explore on the weekends. Spock also couldn't help but wonder a little at how Jim Kirk had managed to stay under his radar—logically, he should have been able to sense Jim's presence the minute he was within a few miles from the campus. The Vulcan idly tucked this thought away though, for the time being.

Spock further noted that his student was taking them the slightly longer route to the gardens—the path the young man had chosen was a logical one to take in order to avoid large throngs of people either returning to their dorms or switching classes, but probably highly unnecessary, since it was most unlikely that the curiosity of the many students currently littering the halls would be provoked by them. Still, Spock found himself able to appreciate the gesture all the same; he had been trained over the years by both his mother and former captain to always appreciate "all the little things," as they liked to call them, no matter how meaningless they initially seemed from Spock's logical point of view.

Spock had to raise an eyebrow though when Timothy led him down a different corridor from the one he had been expecting and watched him as he started to tap on the unit attached to the windowed walls until he seemed to find what he was looking for. Timothy opened what appeared to be an electrical hatch and twisted one of the knobs a few times, then took one step back. There was a low hissing sound and Spock had to admit he was mildly surprised when the wall in front of Timothy slowly pushed outward like a door, bringing them face-to-face with one of the labyrinth's tall bush walls. Spock followed Timothy inside and the young man pressed something on the other side of the secret door that allowed it to close back into place. Spock hadn't seen what though, as he had been observing his surroundings; he quickly deduced that they were most likely on one of the two outer edges of the labyrinth that should not have been accessible at all as the ends of the long bush walls were pressed up against the school building.

"How very interesting, Mr. Spencer," Spock said drily. "I was unaware our academy possessed any secret passageways."

He raised an eyebrow upon catching the curse that passed through his student's lips in the form of a whisper that his Vulcan ears picked up that most others probably would have missed. Timothy Spencer turned slowly on his heels and grimaced at his professor.

"Well, er...that's because there aren't supposed to be any."

The young man shifted his weight on his feet somewhat nervously. In his excitement to try out the new passageway he had spent many hours working on and perfecting with his best friend Keifer Hawke—who was practically famous campus-wide for being a prankster and troublemaker—it had completely slipped his mind to be careful who he showed the recently finished passageway to. After all, tampering with school property was not just a violation of rules, it was also a no-brainer that it wasn't something students should have been doing in their spare time. He hadn't worried too much with leading Admiral Kirk there, since the man had been more than enthusiastic to try his secret passageway, but Timothy had completely forgotten about the extreme likelihood of his Vulcan professor disapproving. A very important factor because of the romantic relationship between his professor and the admiral, a publicly known fact, which meant Timothy _really_ did not want to be on his professor's bad side. _Especially_ since his professor was Vulcan, and everyone knew that a person valuing the longevity of his or her own life would never provoke a Vulcan.

"But, on the brighter side, when Admiral Kirk caught me before classes this morning, he asked me if I knew a nice isolated place where he could wait until your lecture was over, so he wouldn't be overwhelmed by people who recognized him and wanted to ask him questions. I mean, he hardly ever visits the campus so it's understandable," Timothy said hurriedly, trying to somewhat change the subject. "I told him I knew just the place."

He conveniently left out that he probably would have wanted to ask the admiral a thing or two himself had the man not made his request. Timothy remembered having felt rather lucky this morning; he had been sitting around on the front steps of the academy about an hour before most classes would normally start, drawing something in his sketchbook, when he had been approached by the admiral. Timothy had recognized the man almost instantly and had pretty much fallen starstruck; he had heard of stories of the beloved former captain of the USS Enterprise occasionally coming Starfleet Academy's Delta Zeta-Tau Chapter to visit Professor Spock. Before today though, Timothy had always waved off tales of such sightings as nothing more than empty rumors.

Spock didn't say anything for a minute and then gave him a slight nod.

"I appreciate your candor, Mr. Spencer," said Spock.

Timothy momentarily relaxed. His relief was short-lived.

"However, an explanation from you at some point in the near future is expected. Please also note, Mr. Spencer, that Vulcans do possess an impeccable memory and this incident will not be forgotten," Spock said as if he had picked up on Timothy's next fleeting thought.

"Of course, sir," Timothy said with a weak smile. "Admiral Kirk is just at the end of this path and around the corner, sir, he's seated on a bench where the dead end is."

"I see you've had time to decorate as well," said Spock, who was still clearly unamused.

He continued as they walked. "And though I understand your intentions, Mr. Spencer, I find it to be highly illogical that you placed the admiral in such a limiting space, as it is quite hazardous. Though Admiral Kirk waiting in a place away from inquisitive eyes is preferred, complete isolation was rather unnecessary."

Timothy was starting to look as if he wished nothing more than to disappear from the face of the planet.

"He also may have preferred a more open space with slightly more sunlight," Spock said while resisting the human urge to scrunch his nose in disapproval.

"Aw, lay off him, Spock," came a familiar Midwestern drawl as the two men turned the corner. "Leave the poor kid alone, he did what I asked. It's partially my fault anyway, I didn't exactly specify that I was looking for a wide open area to stretch my legs out in or that I wanted to catch a few more rays of sunshine. It's not like I'm a plant."

If Timothy hadn't been so terrified of Spock at the moment, he might have smiled. In fact, under different circumstances he might have even felt a little lucky to be able to watch the two men interact like this.

"Indeed, I agree that perhaps you should have been more specific," said Spock. "However, I also cannot condone his irresponsible behavior. He has violated school regulations in addition to placing you in a potentially hazardous environment."

"Wait a minute, are we talking about this kid's secret door?" Jim asked, his blue eyes sparkling brightly with amusement. "Because I actually thought that was pretty cool. I mean even I'm still trying to figure out how he pulled that off, making a door like that so seamless without getting caught or destroying a section of the school. Brilliant, if you ask me."

Admiral James Tiberius Kirk was suddenly way, way up on Timothy Spencer's mental list of most likable people in the universe. Timothy was always a bit of a skeptic, so he hadn't always fully believed all the stories he had heard about the admiral, but it seemed to him that at least the ones he had heard about the man's personality were true—he could now easily imagine the man having been one of the more pleasant captains to have worked under.

"I suppose it is something you would approve, given your previous track record as a student," said Spock.

"You're damn right about that," the admiral said with a smile.

Timothy couldn't help but wonder though why the admiral seemed to be looking either through or past them as he spoke and not directly at them. Timothy remembered there had been at least a few discussions about the man during some lectures, but he couldn't seem to recall anything about him being socially inept in any way or having trouble maintaining eye contact when speaking. Admiral Kirk was one of those kinds that people seemed to obsess over, like a celebrity, so he wouldn't have been surprised if someone had mentioned something in one of those discussions like the color of his underwear when he was captaining the USS Enterprise. Timothy had no idea how people found out about such stuff, but he had come to learn over the years that one should never underestimate a diehard fan. Anyway, the only facts that vaguely came to mind were ones about his time as captain of the USS Enterprise, and how he had unexpectedly and abruptly disappeared from the public eye—even though he was still considered to be on active duty—not too many years after being promoted to admiral. Timothy was pretty sure the reason behind this had been mentioned at some point as well, but he couldn't seem to fish it out of his memory; possibly because that may have been one of the times he hadn't exactly been engaged in the discussion. He found himself now ironically wishing he had paid a little more attention to his classes.

"Regardless, I still do not approve of the location he chose for you, as there is only one possible exit."

"Geezus, Spock, I might be blind, but that sure as hell doesn't mean I'm useless! You know my other senses have gotten ten times stronger since I lost my sight—I can still get out of any situation, no matter how complicated."

Timothy felt his jaw drop slightly. He hadn't known the admiral was blind—perhaps someone might have mentioned it in class—it would definitely explain the lack of eye contact though. However, the way his professor was now looking at him made him think maybe it wouldn't have been mentioned in class after all. He quickly stopped gaping.

Spock spoke to him tersely. "You will not mention what you just heard to anyone."

Timothy nodded. "O-of course, sir."

"You are now dismissed, Mr. Spencer, as there are some things that I wish to discuss with Admiral Kirk in private."

Spock paused for a moment and Timothy saw him glance briefly in the admiral's direction before looking at him again.

"And...thank you...for your assistance."

If he didn't know better, Timothy thought it almost seemed like his professor had said that last part a bit grudgingly, as if he had somehow been mentally egged on by Admiral Kirk; not that it really seemed possible to him.

"No problem, professor," he said.

He stopped and turned back to face the two men just as he was about to leave.

"Um, Professor Spock?"

The Vulcan raised an eyebrow. "What is it, Mr. Spencer?"

"Erm...about getting back out..."

The eyebrow lowered. "Yes, of course."

Timothy smiled somewhat sheepishly. "There's two buttons on the bit of wall under the third window from the right. Just press the top one and it should let you out. It should be easy to see; they are colored to blend in, but if you look closely you can see that they've got a ring around them where they were cut out."

"Duly noted."

"Well, um, afternoon then, Professor, Admiral."

Jim Kirk smiled and lifted a hand in farewell. "See ya around, kid!"

Timothy couldn't help but hope a little for the admiral's words to be more than just a friendly goodbye as he turned and left. He had to find Keifer; he was sure his best friend would want to hear about this.

Jim Kirk chuckled while the young man's footsteps faded away and disappeared. His smile somewhat disappeared when he felt Spock turn around to face him; he felt some of his lover's melancholy through their bond.

"Something the matter?" he asked.

"Something is troubling me, yes," said Spock. "Until my student informed of of your arrival, I was unaware that you were here, which is highly illogical, since I should have been able to sense you being in close proximity the minute you were at least five miles from the campus. I await your explanation as to why I could not."

"Wow, so it really did work!" Jim said, excitement flickering in his eyes.

Spock mentally frowned. "I fail to understand."

Jim shook his head and laughed. "It's just a mental block thing I've been learning from Stonn. He's been teaching me how to do it—I just wanted to learn in case I ever needed to use it."

Stonn. Spock's eyes narrowed. Though their relationship had considerably improved since he had dissolved his childhood bond with T'Pring, allowing her and Stonn to become bondmates, Spock still found that he didn't always see eye-to-eye with the other Vulcan. He apparently would be needing to confront the other Vulcan later.

"You plan on keeping secrets from me, Jim?" Spock asked.

He would be lying if he didn't admit that he was feeling somewhat offended.

"No, no! Nothing like that," Jim said, shaking his head. "Just, you know, I always feel like you're distracting yourself during classes by checking in on me constantly through our bond. Turns out this wall method that I've been learning from Stonn makes it so you only feel positive feelings being projected from our bond. Don't worry, I've only been using it while you're in class or on official business."

"I still do not understand your wish to keep things from me."

Jim made a slight noise of frustration. "No, Spock, I'm not _keeping_ anything from you, I just don't want you getting unnecessarily sidetracked while you're at work! Don't you remember that one time you picked up when I was feeling kind of distressed, and you were so focused on it you just completely froze mid-sentence while lecturing your class?"

Spock didn't reply, but he did remember the incident Jim was referring to. About a month ago he had sensed his lover's feelings of frustration and pain during one of his lectures and had been mildly alarmed. He had been probing Jim through their link in class for the source of his lover's discomfort, which was why he had trailed off and confused the students in his class.

"Well turned out it was just because I was having a little stomachache, remember?" Jim said with a slight chuckle. "Hardly worth stopping class for, don't you think?"

"I would have to disagree," said Spock. "Regardless of the size or gravity of certain issues, I request that you desist from using Stonn's unfavorable technique and allow for our line of communication to remain open."

"All right, whatever," Jim said.

He squirmed a little bit when he felt Spock send him a disapproving telepathic nudge.

"Hey! Okay! I'm sorry, I won't do it again," he said. "Please forgive me?"

Spock didn't feel reassured until he felt Jim's somewhat remorseful feelings through their bond—he knew then that Jim must have discovered Spock's feelings of hurt from the thought of Jim keeping things from him. It didn't matter to the Vulcan if he saw or felt the worst sides of his mate; as a Vulcan male by nature he wanted to be there for all his partner's highs and lows.

"Anyway I like that kid—Spencer, or whatever you called him," Jim said. "Seriously, Spock, go easy on him, will ya?"

"That was one of my students from this afternoon's lecture," said Spock. "His surname is Spencer. Timothy is his given name."

"Timothy Spencer," said Jim. "He seems like he's got a lot of potential, that one."

Spock sighed and relaxed a little, the way he always did when it was just the two of them alone. "Perhaps, but regardless, you should be more careful what you say, Jim, your condition is not considered to be common knowledge."

The blonde man slightly scrunched up his nose.

"Aw, come on now, darlin'," he said. "I know you Vulcans can be all possessive and whatnot, but seriously, I don't understand why I should be ashamed of the fact that I'm blind."

The Vulcan moved closer to his lover and reached out with one of his hands, gently running his fingers through golden locks of hair. He allowed himself a small smile as he felt a slight shiver run through his mate's body from his touch.

"Not shame, T'hy'la," Spock murmured lovingly. "I merely do not see the logical reasoning behind making your weaknesses public. Information that could put you in harm's way, should certain people become aware of it."

Jim laughed and reached out, drawing the Vulcan close; one arm wrapped around his lover's waist and his other hand entwining with the Spock's free one.

"Fine, you overprotective bastard," Jim said, his voice somewhat muffled from being buried into Spock's stomach. "I'll be more careful next time, promise."

"I calculate the likelihood of that statement being true at only ten percent," Spock said in a tone that was faintly teasing. "Perhaps even that is a generous overestimation."

"Mmhmm, whatever you say, honey," said Jim. "Now c'mere and give me a kiss."

The Vulcan slightly inclined his head. "I will never understand why humans consider calling their mate the equivalent of nectar or an infant as affectionate terms of endearment. And on the contrary, Jim, we have been kissing for the last 50.35 seconds."

He gently squeezed their intertwined hands as if to emphasize his point.

"Just shut up, you difficult bastard," Jim said, smiling as he pulled away from Spock's waist.

He then lifted his hand, the one that had been around his lover's waist, grasped part of Spock's professorial robe, and pulled the Vulcan down for a kiss on the lips. The two of them stayed like that for a while, basking in the warmth of the loving bond that connected their souls together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I think my little Timothy Spencer OC is growing on me a little bit—feel free to voice your opinions on that one as well—but for now I'm thinking that you all might be seeing him again in later chapters as a supporting character. Hell, if enough readers like him, maybe I'll even give him a girlfriend (or boyfriend), depending on the type of feedback I get. Not entirely sure if he's definitely going to make a recurring appearance yet, but I think I've got an idea or two that might help give room for the idea to work (probably not until later on in the story though, since I've got Jim and Spock's backstory up until this prologue to work on first). If I manage to fit him in somehow, you'll probably be seeing some of his friend too, who was mentioned in passing this chapter.
> 
> Anyway, did you all like it? Hate it? Don't know what to think about it? Any constructive feedback would be incredibly appreciated. Thanks in advance, and here's to seriously hoping I don't lose steam and get writer's block halfway through this thing!


	2. Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SERIOUSLY?! F-M-L! I thought I was more careful last night when I was updating this story on ffnet, but apparently not. When editing Chapter I, somehow it had gotten replaced with Chapter II. SIGH. And OF COURSE this is also the ONLY chapter that didn't back up properly. Honestly, I'm starting to think I'm not meant to finish this story...ANYWAY...I have rewritten this chapter, and once again, it probably isn't as great as it was the first time...I cry.

_Chapter I: Beginnings_

_"Looks like this guy hasn't had enough of your Kobayashi Maru test, sir."_

Spock frowned at the test moderator who had spoken. "Please clarify."

"His name is James Tiberius Kirk," came the reply. "Famous by name, really. His father was George Samuel Kirk, Sr., of the USS Kelvin."

"I see."

"This will be his third time taking attempting this exam, sir."

Spock was unamused. The Koyabashi Maru test was designed to teach students at Starfleet Academy an important lesson in leadership. The program was not designed to be beat. Cadets either gleaned from it the lesson they were meant to learn or had the concept go over their heads entirely. It was, underneath its surface, something of a selection program. It separated the cadets with the potential to be Federation ship captains from the rest of the flock. Regardless, not even the best of students passed the exam, and for one to take the exam twice was rare; a third attempt was completely unheard of.

"Very well, we will allow the exception for a third time, though the results will be no different," Spock said, eyes narrowing slightly. "However, please make note that we will not be entertaining him for a fourth."

"Yes, sir."

####

Leonard McCoy inwardly groaned when Jim waltzed into the room with a cocky grin and an apple. He had no idea why he had allowed the blonde to talk him into joining him for yet another round of nonsense. Sometimes he wondered if he had a personal death wish—there were days he'd speculate what would happen if Jim somehow miraculously became captain of a starship. McCoy had no doubt in his mind Jim would recruit him as one of the ship's medics, and McCoy knew that he would of course follow for better or for worse, and surely against his better judgment.

Also in the room was a cadet by the name of Uhura. She had been there to witness Jim's first two failures, and she was only in the examination room a third time by assignment and not by choice. Her distaste for Jim originated from their initial encounter on Earth in the state of Iowa, where he had unsuccessfully tried to charm her in some local bar. While she was not fond of the blonde, she planned to take his inevitable third failure gladly.

"We are receiving a distress signal from the USS Kobayashi Maru," Uhura said with her voice dripping in sarcasm. "The ship has lost power, and is stranded. Starfleet Command has ordered us that we rescue them."

"Starfleet Command has ordered us to rescue them... _Captain_ ," Jim said as he casually spun himself around in the simulation captain's chair.

 _"Oh boy, here we go,"_ McCoy thought to himself, unable to keep from rolling his eyes.

Jim missed the look of disgust that crossed over Uhura's face since his back was turned. Uhura turned back around to focus on her screen as McCoy spoke up next.

"Two Klingon vessels have entered the neutral zone and are locking weapons on us."

"That's okay," Jim said with a lazy smile.

McCoy frowned, unable to believe what he was hearing. "That's _okay_?"

He threw up a hand and looked back at Jim, who continued to look a little too relaxed. The blonde was slumped in a rather unprofessional pose in his chair.

"Yeah, don't worry about it."

Back in the observation room, the test moderators were also looking on in mild confusion. One man taking notes on a PADD frowned at Jim's latest comment.

"Did he just say, 'Don't worry about it'?"

"Is he not taking the simulation seriously?" asked another, who stepped in for a closer look.

The grin on Jim's face widened. He didn't dare look, not yet, but he could sense that he was being watched more closely.

"Three more Klingon warbirds decloaking and targeting our ship," McCoy said before swiveling in his chair to look at Jim, somewhat exasperated. "I don't suppose this is a problem, either?"

"They're firing, Captain," quipped another cadet.

"Alert Medical Bay to receive _all_ crew members from the damaged ship," Jim said quite dramatically.

"And how do you expect us to rescue them when we're surrounded by Klingons, _Captain_?" Uhura asked, irritation evident in her tone.

Jim had yet another cheeky grin plastered on his face. He turned to look at Uhura.

"Alert Medical," he said, taking care to enunciate his words and topping it all off with another obnoxious grin.

The overconfident blonde would have been vaporized on the spot, had Uhura's eyes had the ability to shoot lasers. She whipped back around to focus on her screen.

"Our ship is being hit," said McCoy. "Shields at sixty percent."

"I understand," Jim said with nonchalance as he reached for the apple he had brought with him inside.

"Well should we, I don't know, fire back?" McCoy asked as he looked back at Jim in annoyance.

His friend didn't even look at him. He just shook his head before taking a bite from his apple.

"No."

"Of course not," McCoy muttered, returning his attention to his screen.

Just then the entire system shut down at once, and the room went dark. There was momentary chaos in the observation deck as exam moderators tried to make sense of what was going on with the program. All the while Jim swayed back and forth in his chair, clearly not caring, and still eating his fruit.

"What is this?" asked one of the head examiners. "What's going on?"

The cadets in the examination room were equally confused. The system rebooted after several minutes. If Jim had been at all concerned with the electronic malfunction, he didn't show an ounce of it.

"Hm," he said as the power flipped back on. "Arm photons. Prepare to fire on the Klingon warbirds."

"Yes, sir," said one of the more compliant cadets who quickly punched several commands into their screen to follow Jim's orders.

"Jim," said McCoy, no longer bothering to hide his irritation. "Their _shields_ are still up."

"Are they?" Jim questioned casually, taking yet another bite out of his apple.

Suddenly McCoy wasn't so certain of his words and he turned to take another look at his screen. He didn't believe what he saw.

"No...they're not," he said.

To his credit, Jim resisted the urge to throw back his head and laugh. "Fire on all enemy ships!"

He pointed a finger at the cadet who had been most cooperative with him during the session. "One photon each should do. Let's not waste ammunition."

The cadet smiled. "Target locked an acquired on all warbirds. Firing."

The room was silent save for the firing sound effects produced by the system as the exam's participants watched the successful destruction of the Klingon warbirds take place on the large projector screens. Jim made a gun shape out of his fingers and pretended to fire along with each boom noise. Uhura looked on at him with even more disgust, if that were even possible.

"All ships destroyed, Captain," reported the cadet.

"Begin rescue of the stranded crew," Jim said rather quickly before getting up from his seat to address the room. "So! We've managed to...eliminate all enemy ships, no one on board was injured, _and_ the successful rescue of the Kobayashi Maru is underway!"

He gave McCoy a friendly smack on the back when he said the last part, and his friend let out a sigh. Uhura looked as if she wanted to say something, but just put a palm to her face instead. Jim took a huge, triumphant bite of his apple before looking up smugly at those watching him from the observation deck. One of the moderators turned to look at Spock.

"How the hell did that kid beat your test?" he asked, slight awe in his voice.

Spock took great care not to show how aggravated he was feeling. He covered it up by slightly tilting his head to one side.

"I do not know," was his terse reply.

####

It was a question Spock turned over and over in his mind as he flipped through Jim's academic and personal files, both of which he had permissions to retrieve as creator and head moderator for the exam. He also thought very carefully about how he had constructed the test, trying to find any sort of loopholes and coming up empty. As a result, there was only one reasonable explanation as to what had happened that day, and it was that Jim Kirk had somehow managed to cheat on the exam. Spock found the very idea detestable in addition to being unacceptable. Therefore, he knew what his next move would be, and that was to file a formal report with Starfleet's academic council with the intent to go to trial.

It was only logical.


	3. Troublesome Stowaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'm going to zip through these next chapters since they are scenes that should be familiar from the movie; please bear with me! I think this is the first time I've written a chapter with time lapses. I've used hash tags (#) to mark them. Anyway, I think I've put in enough original spin so that these familiar scenes from the movie shouldn't seem too redundant, and I also skipped over scenes that I didn't think would be that essential to my story's overall plot. Hope that's okay with everyone!
> 
> Also, I can't seem to figure out why my author's notes aren't being connected with the right chapters, but...hopefully AO3 doesn't keep doing that.

_Chapter II: Troublesome Stowaway_

"You have got to be kidding me!"

McCoy eyed his friend warily from the papers he was reviewing on his desk. Jim Kirk had answered a knock at their dorm room door, and had returned to where McCoy was with a paper in hand. He assumed that whatever the paper was, it was probably the reason for his roommate's sudden outburst.

"What is it?" he asked, not really wanting to know.

"Some prick from the Kobayashi Maru test just decided to report me to the Starfleet Academic Council," Jim said angrily. "Apparently because I cheated."

"Well, _did_ you cheat, Jim?" asked McCoy. "Because that would damn well explain how in the hell you were able to outsmart a program that _wasn't meant to be beat_."

"That's defeatist mentality right there, Bones," said Jim. "And I don't believe in it! There's _always_ a solution to every problem—though that doesn't mean the solution you come up with is going to be the most ideal one."

McCoy shook his head. "Even if I did agree with you, Jim—which in this case I _don't_ —you're going to have a hell of a time convincing the council to see things your way."

"Thanks," said Jim. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, chief."

"Hey, I'm just being honest," McCoy said with a lift of his hand. "So what does the paper say? When's the hearing?"

"In two hours."

McCoy whistled. "Well hot damn. Got any idea what you're going to say?"

"Yeah," Jim said nodding. "Yeah, I think I do."

"You _think_?" McCoy said, shaking his head. "Hoo boy, man. This should be good."

####

Two hours later, hundreds of students wearing their red cadet uniforms filed into a large lecture hall. Members of the academic council were seated behind a table that had been set up where a professor would normally stand to lecture. Most of the cadets were confused as to why they were there. Jim had lost some of his earlier adrenaline rush and couldn't help but fidget a little in his seat; a small part of him hoped that they had all been called here for a different purpose. While he had expected to face his accuser as well as the council, he hadn't expected the attendance of all the other students in the academy as well.

"That fucking bastard," Jim muttered to McCoy. "I swear Bones, if I find out who this asshole is that called everyone and her sister to this meeting—"

"Oh... _shit_ , Jim," McCoy whispered back. "I think that's the least of your worries right now. Look who's on the board—that's Admiral Richard B. Barnett. He's rumored to be a hardball. Looks like your fate is pretty much sealed, brother."

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Jim said as confidently as he could, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't the least bit worried.

Admiral Barnett spoke as the last of the students settled down. He stared straight into the crowd, and Jim knew that the man was looking right at him.

"This session has been called to resolve a troubling matter. James T. Kirk, step forward."

All eyes were suddenly on Jim. Most everyone knew who he was, either as the Kelvin baby or the famous blonde-haired, blue-eyed heart breaker on campus. He got up and made his way to the center of the room as the admiral continued speaking. One look at McCoy and suddenly he felt a bit of the confidence he had felt back at their dorm flowing back into him.

"Cadet Kirk, evidence has been submitted to this council, suggesting that you violated the ethical code of conduct pursuant to Regulation One-Seven point three of the Starfleet Code. Is there anything you care to say before we begin, sir?"

Not a soul in the room probably expected Jim to take up on the admiral's offer—it had clearly been a rhetorical question. Of course, Jim was always the salmon swimming against the current.

"Yes," he said. "I believe I have the right to face my accuser directly."

Jim knew had he been the one watching some other poor schmuck in the same position he was saying the same thing, he probably would have laughed at the face Admiral Barnett made at him just then, as if he couldn't believe the gall Jim had. However, Jim was still entitled to his rights, so the admiral turned his head slightly to his right and nodded at Jim's accuser. Jim followed his gaze and was mildly surprised to see who it was, and it wasn't just because his accuser also happened to be the only Vulcan in the room.

"Step forward, please," Admiral Barnett said to the Vulcan man.

Taking one look at the Vulcan, Jim had to gently bite the inside of his lower lip as his heart involuntarily fluttered. Under different circumstances, Jim imagined he probably would have tried to make a pass at the Vulcan; he was beautiful. It wasn't a well-known fact, but as much as he flirted and played with the girls on this campus, it was mostly because they either all came onto him or they assumed what kind of guy he was based on his reputation. Jim was very capable of having long-term relationships, but when he did get into one, he preferred them to be of the male variety. Unfortunately, one of Jim's biggest weaknesses was that he lacked impulse control. The minute a girl assumed he was a playboy, it always seemed to trigger him to be just that, even if he had initially intended on just becoming friends with the girl. In an odd way, he supposed, it was his way of reacting to someone that turned him off. In his mind, there was no point in trying to be friends with a girl that was already judging without sufficient firsthand evidence, so he would just give them what they expected. Anyway, Jim felt his heart sink a little bit as he listened to the Vulcan coming down the steps to meet him in the center of the room. Just his luck, it seemed, that of all people Jim had chosen to tick off, it had been what in another time and place could have been something much, much different.

As Admiral Barnett began to introduce his accuser, Jim found that he couldn't help but to mentally tuck away all the notes he was being given.

"This is Commander Spock. He's one of our most distinguished graduates. He's programmed the Kobayashi Maru exam for the last four years."

Jim, a little flustered, tried to avoid making eye contact. He felt the Vulcan's eyes boring into him though, and he couldn't help but to take a peek. He almost lifted his eyebrows in surprise at the intensity of the Vulcan's gaze, and if Jim didn't know any better, he almost felt as if the Vulcan seemed to be appreciating him a bit as well.

"Commander?"

Spock quickly broke off his stare; his concentration had been taken slightly off-guard by Jim Kirk's striking blue eyes—an unforeseen distraction. He focused his attention solely on the council before him in order to remain effectively on track.

"Cadet Kirk, you somehow managed to install and activate a subroutine to the programming code, thereby changing the conditions of the test."

Jim was a little less successful at ignoring Spock and allowed himself to take another quick, appreciative glance before speaking.

"Your point being?" Without realizing it, his gaze was back on Commander Spock.

"In academic vernacular, you _cheated_."

Admiral Barnett's harsh emphasis on the last word brought back Jim's attention to the council. Jim chuckled lightly to hide his embarrassment. He found himself somewhat hating his life as his eyes once again locked with the Vulcan's. The first person he felt genuine interest for since his last serious relationship was not only a Vulcan, which meant they were completely devoid of all emotion, he was also one very attractive Vulcan—one that Jim had successfully pissed off. Basically, if someone were to translate the minutes of the council hearing, it might have read something like the meeting was the Vulcan's way of saying that Jim had mocked the test with his hack. In addition, Jim might as well have just insulted the Vulcan's intelligence to his face, which is something he really shouldn't have wanted to do anyway—not if he valued his life and _certainly_ not if he wanted to have a shot at anything romantic with this man.

Jim knew he had blown all chance of anything happening before he had even realized he was going to lose anything, so Jim did the only other thing he could think of, and that was to attempt to flirt with the Vulcan by arguing as logically as he knew how during the hearing. Jim remembered having read somewhere that logic was something the Vulcan race valued highly.

"Let me ask you something, I think we all know the answer to," Jim said. "The test itself is a cheat, isn't it? You programmed it to be unwinnable."

"Your argument precludes the possibility of a no-win scenario," Spock fired back.

Jim had to admit, the commander's last statement sparked something in him, because what Spock was suggesting was everything that went against who he was.

"I don't believe in no-win scenarios," he said.

"Then, not only did you violate the rules, you also failed to understand the principle lesson."

When the two of them would look back years later on their memories of this hearing, they would both come to an agreement that while they couldn't exactly classify what had transpired as flirting, the confrontation that had occurred between them during the council meeting may have actually been their first real "domestic argument," before they had even gone on a "first date."

"Please," Jim said, slightly shrugging in a defensive motion before looking again at the Vulcan. "Enlighten me."

He wasn't sure if anyone else could notice, but Jim could have almost sworn he heard mocking in the Vulcan's tone.

"You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk," said Spock. "A Captain cannot cheat death."

The Vulcan's words not only caught Jim off-guard, it also struck a very sensitive nerve as his words sunk in. Jim briefly broke eye contact and lightly clenched his jaw, trying to maintain control over his emotions. He hadn't known Vulcans were capable of giving low emotional blows, though Jim supposed it didn't matter to Vulcans, since they themselves were unaffected by any statements pertaining to emotions or emotional responses. Jim found that he couldn't maintain eye contact and looked at the ground in front of him instead, shifting his weight on his feet.

"I of all people," he said.

"Your father, Lieutenant George Kirk, assumed command of his vessel before being killed in action, did he not?"

Jim Kirk was _not_ going to lose himself in his emotions—not in front of the council or his fellow classmates.

"I don't think you like the fact that I beat your test," he said, voice slightly strained.

He now glared at the Vulcan, all previous thoughts of attraction suddenly replaced with distaste for the other man. Oddly enough, there was a small tingle that went through him as he thought that, as if something was telling him this was wrong, this wasn't how it was supposed to be, and that he wasn't supposed to be feeling like that towards the Vulcan. Jim quickly pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, however, that was ridiculous—he had never seen this Vulcan before, and not to mention the only plausible way that any of those ideas could have made sense at all would be if someone had messed with something like the threads of destiny from the books on myths that his mother used to read to him when he was little. And wasn't that just a silly thought? He strengthened his glare at Commander Spock and tightened his jaw to prevent his anger from bubbling out.

Apparently the Vulcan wasn't done. "Furthermore, you have failed to divine the purpose of the test."

"Enlighten me again," Jim said tightly.

The Vulcan's tone seemed to become a little softer this time, as if he was trying to suddenly be considerate of a boundary he had already overstepped. Then again, it was probably all in Jim's imagination.

"The purpose is to experience fear. Fear in the face of certain death. To accept that fear, and maintain control of oneself and one's crew. This is a quality expected in every Starfleet captain."

That did it. Jim found himself no longer able to look the Vulcan in the eye. One day, McCoy would tell him—right around the time Jim and Spock would officially decide to start dating—that he probably shouldn't have been too surprised that the two of them would end up together someday because of the look he had seen on Spock's face just then. McCoy would tell Jim that the Vulcan had this look as if he seemed to be actually regretting at least some of what he had said and seemed a little torn, as if under different circumstances he may have even gone up and comforted Jim, and maybe even apologize for his words. Quite honestly, if anyone had instantly picked up on any romantic tension in that room that day, McCoy would have probably been the only one.

Perhaps it was lucky for both Jim and Spock that an aide walked up to Admiral Barnett just then, bearing news of a distress call from planet Vulcan. Though the message could have been considered instant karma that was due to Spock for the events that had just transpired, McCoy would argue that the announcement was actually more of a perfectly-timed interruption, since it may have prevented further damage to Jim and Spock's relationship. A relationship which would have developed under friendlier circumstances had the Romulans not messed with the delicate threads of time.

"We've received a distress call from Vulcan," Admiral Barnett said after having quickly read over the note he had been handed. "With our primary fleet engaged in the Laurentian system, I hereby order all cadets to report to Hangar One immediately. Dismissed."

The cadets in the room quickly dispersed and Commander Spock also wasted no time in exiting the room, leaving Jim to stare at the Vulcan's retreating backside; he was no longer sure how to feel. McCoy quickly sprinted down to stand beside his friend.

"Who was that pointy-eared bastard?" Jim said in a low voice to his friend.

"I don't know..." McCoy said. "But I like him."

McCoy had said the last bit with a slightly teasing tone and looked at Jim with a somewhat knowing before making a move to leave the room. Jim, still feeling a little riled up, missed the joke and the meaning behind the expression and looked at McCoy for the first time instinctively as possible competition. Irrationally jealous thought or not, if Jim Kirk couldn't have the Vulcan prick, then no one could have him. Not even his best friend, who Jim was completely sure was straight as an arrow.

Both men made it to Hangar One just in time to hear names being called off and people being assigned to different ships. Jim frowned when his name wasn't called.

"He didn't call my name," Jim muttered mostly to himself before approaching the commander who had been making the calls.

"Commander!" Jim said. "Sir, you didn't call my name. Kirk, James T.?"

The commander didn't even bother to reconsult his PADD. "Kirk, you're on academic suspension. That means you're grounded, until the Academy board rules."

Jim's face didn't hide his obvious disappointment.

"Jim, the board'll rule in your favor," McCoy said, trying to reassure his friend. "Most likely. Look, Jim, I got to go."

The blonde took in a deep breath, turned, and shook his friend's hand. "Yeah, get going. Be safe."

Jim turned back around after McCoy left and started to get lost in thought. He stepped out of the way for someone who was carrying some kind of case and began looking around the room, trying to see if there could be some other way he could get onto a ship. Just as he was about to go about formulating a plan, McCoy was at his side once again.

"Dammit. Come with me," he said.

"Bones, where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Jim allowed himself to be led to what looked like an area for science experiments. "What are you doing?"

"I'm doing you a favor. I couldn't just leave you there looking all pathetic. Take a seat. I'm going to give you a vaccine against viral infection from Melvaran mud fleas."

_"The mudda-whoda what?"_ Jim thought as he took a seat.

McCoy walked over with a hypospray and injected his friend with the vaccine in one swift motion.

"Oww!" Jim said, wincing. "What for?"

"Give you the symptoms."

Jim suddenly felt really hot and his vision was already becoming hazy. His hearing seemed to be affected as well, as McCoy's voice sounded somewhat far away.

"You're going to start to lose vision in your left eye."

"Yeah," Jim said, blinking his eyes and breathing a little bit more heavily. "I already have."

"Oh, and you're going to get a really bad headache and a flop sweat," McCoy said as he helped lift Jim up out of his seat.

"You call this a favor?"

"Yeah," McCoy grunted. "You owe me one."

McCoy kept Jim from falling as he stumbled along; McCoy took him to the entrance to a shuttlecraft where they were stopped by the person on duty there.

"Kirk, James T. He's not cleared for duty aboard the Enterprise," he said.

_"Great,"_ Jim thought. _"Bones gives me a vaccine to some disease I can't even pronounce and now I don't even have a clear enough head to fight my own way onto a ship. Way to go, Bones, let's see you get us out of this one."_

In hindsight, perhaps he should have had a little more faith in his doctor-friend.

"Medical Code states the treatment and transport of a patient to be determined at the discretion of his attending physician, which is me. So, I'm taking Mister Kirk aboard. Or would you like to explain to Captain Pike why the Enterprise warped into a crisis without one of its senior medical officers?"

If Jim hadn't been feeling so funny, he might have been proud at how theatrically McCoy had given his mini-speech. In fact, Jim might have teased the other man and taken credit for the drama lessons McCoy had obviously been taking from him.

"As you were," said the man who had stopped them.

"As you were," Jim parroted back as sarcastically as he could.

_"Oh for the love of it, Jim,"_ McCoy thought.

"Come on," he said, as he helped lift his disoriented friend onto the shuttlecraft.

They were on their way to the USS Enterprise.

"I might throw up on you," Jim said; he was seated next to McCoy and looked miserable.

Had McCoy not been so distracted with the view from his window seat, he might have laughed at the comment. He had said something quite similar the first time he and Jim met.

"Oh Jim, you got to look at this," he said, still looking out the window.

It was a sight he knew Jim wasn't going to want to miss. He turned to properly grab his friend's attention.

"Jim, look!"

"What?" Jim said, slightly exasperated.

He took a second to gather his bearings before leaning closer to the window.

"Whoa," Jim whispered softly, his feelings of extreme discomfort and nausea temporarily forgotten.

He could now better understood why his parents loved doing what they did. What he saw was everything he had imagined and more. He didn't have nearly enough time to drink it all in, however, as the craft soon landed in the USS Enterprise's shuttlebay. As soon as they got off the shuttle, McCoy knew they had to move quickly.

"We need to get you changed," he muttered.

"I don't feel right," Jim said. "I feel like I'm leaking."

McCoy probably would have laughed if he hadn't been so worried they were going to get caught. As soon as that worry crossed his mind, he noticed Commander Spock.

"Hell, it's that pointy-eared bastard," McCoy muttered, turning them into a different corner.

_"Pointy-eared bastard? I thought you liked the guy?"_ Jim thought hazily.

"Where are we?" he asked as McCoy guided him off a turbolift.

"Medical bay."

"This is worth it."

"A little suffering's good for the soul."

Even sick, Jim Kirk was a flirt.

"Hi, how are you?" he said to a pretty blonde nurse that walked by.

"Over here," said McCoy, leading Jim to an exam bed.

"My mouth is itchy," Jim said with his eyes squeezed tightly shut. "Is that normal?"

"Well, those symptoms won't last long. I'm going to give you a mild sedative," McCoy said and injected Jim with yet another hypospray, taking advantage of the fact Jim hadn't been looking.

"Agh! I wish I didn't know you."

"Don't be such an infant," McCoy grumbled.

"Aggh...how long is it supposed to..." Jim trailed off as he fell unconscious.

"Unbelievable," McCoy muttered to himself; he had no idea what kind of patient Jim would be in years to come.

####

_"...attention, please. At twenty-two hundred hours, telemetry detected at an anomaly in the neutral zone. What appeared to be a lightning storm in space. Soon after—"_

When Jim finally came around, it was to the sound of a male Russian accent announcing something over the intercom. The minute he heard the words "lightning storm" and "evacuations," Jim's mind started working at a rapid pace. He jolted into a sitting position as soon as the message concluded; he wondered if he had heard right.

"Lightning storm!" he cried out, as if waking from a bad nightmare.

Jim never told anyone, not even McCoy, about some of the dreams he had. He didn't know if it was possible, but he swore to himself up and down that the dreams he had about the Romulan attack on his father's ship were actually memories that he somehow remembered from that incident, even though he had only been a newborn at the time. Sometimes he thought he even knew the sound of his late father's voice.

McCoy was soon at his side. "Uh, Jim, you're awake. How do you feel?"

Jim suddenly felt really itchy.

"Ah...uh..." was all he managed to say at first.

"Good god, man!"

"What?" Jim asked, following his friend's gaze. "Ah!"

He couldn't believe the size of his hands and suddenly registered the numbness and slight pain of the poor circulation in them. "What the hell's this?"

"Reaction to the vaccine, dammit!" McCoy explained quickly before running off to another part of the room. "Nurse Chapel, I need fifty cc's of cortazone."

"Yes, sir."

####

The sequences of events that followed went very quickly. Jim had confirmed hearing about lightning storms by replaying the Russian crew member's message, then he had gone to find Uhura. After a somewhat incoherent conversation with her and a couple more injections later from McCoy, the three of them had made their way to the bridge, where Jim tried to convince Captain Pike that the ship was headed for a trap.

"Vulcan is not experiencing a natural disaster," Jim said with a slightly raised voice so that he could be heard over McCoy's words.

The captain was not impressed.

"Romulans? Cadet Kirk, I think you've had enough attention for one day," he said before looking at the doctor. "McCoy take him back to medical, we'll have words later."

"Aye Captain."

Jim mentally screamed in frustration. He pushed McCoy aside and tried again to grab Captain Pike's attention.

"Look sir," he said. "That same anomaly..."

"Mr. Kirk," Captain Pike said with a warning in his tone.

Spock, the Vulcan who had accused Jim of cheating earlier, also stepped forward with a reminder. "Mister Kirk is not cleared to be aboard this vessel."

Jim sighed. "Look, I get it, you're a great orator. I'd love to do it again with you to."

McCoy shook his head with amusement despite himself and Jim mentally kicked himself in the head at how his sentence must have sounded. If the Vulcan had also interpreted Jim's words as innuendo, he didn't show it.

"I can remove the Cadet..." he began to say.

"Try it!" Jim said, glaring aggressively at Spock, who matched his stare. "This Cadet is trying to save the bridge."

"By recommending a full stop mid-warp during a rescue mission?"

Jim noticed the slightest twitch on the Vulcan's face and thought, _"Shit."_

This was Spock's home planet they were currently on the way to save. Jim knew what he was asking would never appeal to the Vulcan. He felt the rage building in the other man and could feel Spock's eyes still on him as he focused his attention solely on Captain Pike and tried again, this time with his voice a little lowered.

"It's not a rescue mission, listen, it's an attack."

"Based on what facts?" Spock said sharply.

A brief silence fell upon the room as Jim looked at Spock again. When their eyes locked this time though, it was the strangest thing. Looking into Jim's bright blue eyes, two thoughts immediately crossed his mind; unlike Jim though, Spock was able to rifle through the thoughts within milliseconds. The first was quite similar to Jim's earlier fleeting thought from the academic council hearing, like they had mistakenly been given the wrong script to read off of—that something was wrong about them arguing the way they were. Secondly, the Vulcan thought he noticed something in those eyes that reminded him about something he had learned from an elder while growing up on Vulcan; that although rare, there were humans out there that were unusually clairvoyant. The elder had also told him that Vulcans were especially sensitive to humans with this ability, and that Spock would knew if he saw one, because by looking into their eyes one would theoretically be able to build a bridge into their mind. The concept was somewhat similar to a Vulcan bond only weaker, because once eye contact was broken, the connection would be lost.

Spock could almost believe that Jim was one of the people his elder had spoken about, because he suddenly felt like he could see the vividness of the events that had transpired on the USS Kelvin the day of the Romulan attack as Jim spoke—which was impossible, because Jim had only been a newborn.

"That same anomaly, a lightning storm in space that we saw today, also occurred on the day of my birth."

Unless—though it seemed like quite a stretch—Spock had also recalled the elder mentioning that some humans with this ability were capable of using it even while in their mother's womb; though that did not mean they necessarily had control over it.

"Before a Romulan ship attacked the USS Kelvin—you know that, sir, I read your dissertation—that ship which had formidable and advanced weaponry was never seen or heard from again."

Spock noted Jim's mentions of having read a dissertation; however, even Captain Pike seem to notice that the way Jim described things wasn't as if he was repeating what he had read in textbooks, or conjuring up extra details from an overactive imagination. In fact, it was almost like Jim had mentioned the captain's dissertation on purpose, as if he was trying to cover up the fact that he may very well have been speaking from some form of personal experience, whether it had been firsthand or through someone; most likely his mother, if that were the case. A logical decision on Jim's part, Spock thought approvingly—for if it hadn't been for his own conversation with the Vulcan elder, even Spock wouldn't have believed it if Jim had claimed having memories of what had happened to his father's ship.

Jim turned to face the captain once more, and Spock thought that almost certainly confirmed things, as he was no longer seeing any of the visions from when the two of them had been maintaining eye contact.

"The Kelvin attack took place on the edge of Klingon space," said Jim. "And at twenty-three hundred hours last night, there was an attack. Forty-seven Klingon warbirds destroyed by a Romulan, sir. It was reported that the Romulans were in one ship, one massive ship."

Spock once again briefly recalled the events of the academic council. If, in fact, Jim possessed the abilities his elder had described, then it would better explain why the other man had looked more pained than Spock had expected when he had made mention of Jim's late father. He recalled having found it odd that Jim had seemed a little too emotionally overwhelmed for someone who shouldn't have been old enough to remember anything.

"And you know of this Klingon attack how?" Captain Pike asked, voicing Spock's internal question.

Spock couldn't help but feel a little more convinced of his developing theory when he saw the way Jim's eyes shifted between him and the captain, as if he was holding back from telling them something. In a way, Jim was saved from answering the question when Uhura spoke. From the expression she was giving Jim—and the dropped jaw she had shut so quickly, only the most observant would have noticed—it seemed to Spock that even she had been wondering the same thing.

Uhura took a second to gather her bearings before speaking directly at Captain Pike. "Sir, I intercepted and translated the message myself. Kirk's report is accurate."

Captain Pike's face remained one of bewilderment, as if he was still stuck on the fact that Jim seemed to know things he shouldn't have been able to know on his own. His attention was back on Jim as he spoke; Spock was now of listening ears as well.

"We're warping into a trap, sir. The Romulans are waiting for us, I _promise_ you that."

Spock decided then that the percentage-likelihood Jim was one of the humans his elder had mentioned to be very high, which affected what he said next upon feeling Captain Pike's eyes on him, as if waiting for some kind of diagnostic.

"The Cadet's logic is sound," he said.

His eyes flitted between Jim and his captain and quickly decided it was inappropriate to appear to be addressing them both, so he turned his body to face Captain Pike.

"And Lieutenant Uhura is unmatched in xenolinguistics," he continued. "We would be wise to accept her conclusion."

The captain had a bit of a faraway look to his eyes.

"Scan Vulcan space," he said. "Check for any transmissions in Romulan."

It seemed he too was starting to believe Jim's words, even if he still didn't seem to understand how Jim could possibly know.

"Sir," said the lieutenant managing space transmissions. "I'm not sure I can distinguish the Romulan language from Vulcan."

Captain Pike looked at Uhura. "What about you? Do you speak Romulan, Cadet?"

"Uhura," she replied. "All three dialects, sir."

The captain's serious expression remained unchanged. "Uhura, relieve the lieutenant."

Perhaps if the situation wasn't looking so grim, Uhura might have absolutely glowed at being given the opportunity to prove her skills. Instead, she wasted no time on celebration.

"Yes, sir," she said.

"Hannity," said Captain Pike. "Hail the USS Truman."

"All the other ships are out of warp, sir, and have arrived at Vulcan," said Hannity, who began shaking her head as if she wasn't understanding what she was seeing on her screen. "But we seemed to have lost all contact."

The captain looked as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. What Uhura said next only further confirmed Jim's earlier statements.

"Sir, I pick up no Romulan transmission, or transmission of any kind in the area."

"It's because they're being attacked," said Jim, the look on his face seeming to say, _"and that's exactly what I've been trying to tell you guys this whole time."_

Spock no longer questioned Jim's words and neither did the captain or the rest of Enterprise's crew, it seemed. Aside from the funny look Captain Pike shot at Jim, he put up no more argument and walked over to his seat at the center of the bridge.

"Shields up, red alert."

####

Before they had entered Vulcan space, Spock had exchanged a brief glance with Jim before the USS Enterprise was unexpectedly hit by an onslaught of debris. He had still been holding a shred of doubt, that there was still a good change everything Jim had was out of speculation; however, when their eyes met just before the Enterprise completed it's warp, Spock had completely let go of the thought, partly out of surprise.

_"I know I'm not wrong."_

Spock thought he had heard the other man clearly, as if Jim had spoken the words aloud.

####

_"Captain, we're being hailed."_

Uhura's words made Jim's blood run cold. He slowly stood up straighter upon seeing the face of the Romulan's captain, Nero, flicker onto the main screen on the bridge. Jim didn't know how, but he thought he recognized that face—it resembled the face that had been haunting him in his dreams for years, the ones of his father and the USS Kelvin.

Then, the strangest thing happened.

####

It was the first time Jim had ever experienced anything like it—Jim had relived the events leading to his father's death countless times, but they had always been in his dreams. Never before had he been able to watch it all unfold while he was in a waking state, and Jim couldn't help but wonder if that was the reason why everything felt so real and so _solid_. Jim was still on the bridge, but he was now on board the USS Kelvin. He watched as the late Captain Robau prepared himself for transport to the Romulan vessel, but not before he promoted Jim's father to the rank of captain.

Almost immediately after the former captain's execution took place, everything around Jim seemed to go in slow motion. Jim was unable to do anything other than watch projections of the past rush frantically to the ship's various escape pods, some of them walking right through him. Jim was still with his father on the bridge as George Kirk Sr. seated himself in the captain's chair, giving the ship's crewmen orders over the intercom to evacuate. And no matter how many times he relived this nightmarish sequence of events, Jim's heart always sank upon seeing the look on his father's face as he realized he would have no choice but to manually work the ship's controls after the failure of the Kelvin's autopilot function. He looked on helplessly as his father frantically worked the ship's controls in order to create a diversion so that all the escape pods had a chance to get to safety. Then, finally out of options, Jim watched as his father place the USS Kelvin onto a collision course towards the Romulan vessel.

The sound of a newborn Jim's cries soon flooded over the ship's intercom, and Jim found himself unable to look anywhere other than his father's face while he communicated with Jim's mother over the intercom. To this day, Jim can never understand how his father had been able to converse with his mother so calmly.

_"What is it?"_

_A soft gasp of delight. "It's a boy."_

_"A boy! Tell me about him,"_ George Kirk Sr. said, scooting forward towards the edge of his seat, as if that would bring him closer to his newborn son.

Jim took a few steps closer to his father, and reached out one of his hands towards the other man, even though he knew that what he was seeing was just a fragment of the past and that his father would never be able to acknowledge him.

"I'm right here, Dad," Jim whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek. "I'm right here."

_"He's beautiful...George, you should be here."_

In the background, the ship's computer gives warning that the USS Kelvin is getting dangerously close to impact.

_"What are we going to call him?"_

_"We can name him after your father."_

And Jim can't help but smile at what his father says next.

_"Tiberius? Are you kidding me? No, that's the worst."_

It was amazing to Jim how the man still had the ability to make his mother laugh, even though he was far away from her and on a suicide mission.

_"Let's name him after your dad. Let's call him Jim."_

_"Jim. Okay. Jim it is."_

The USS Kelvin is now seconds away from impact, and Jim's father knows, so he wastes no time in giving his last goodbyes to his wife.

_"Sweetheart, can you hear me?"_

_"I can hear."_

_"I love you so much. I love you..."_

And then Jim is jolted out of his trance and shot back into the present as soon as the ship collides with the Romulan vessel and Jim's father gets thrown out of his seat.

####

_"...come aboard the Narada, for negotiations. That is all."_

Jim found his voice when Captain Pike got up from his seat. "He'll kill you, you know that."

Christopher Pike knew. And as much as he wanted to heed Jim's warning, he had to do what was necessary to protect the ship and its crew.

####

Captain Pike had promoted him to the rank of first officer. That was probably the only real positive that had happened to Jim so far on this trip. In contrast, there were plenty of things Jim Kirk hadn't liked about his first experiences on the Enterprise, however, like constantly getting hyposprayed by McCoy. He hadn't really been too keen on the former captain's decision to relinquish his rank to Spock either, though at the same time that meant Pike had just promoted him to be the Vulcan's first officer, and Jim was pretty sure he had given Spock a look that said exactly how he had felt. Something along the lines of, "Yeah, that's right—this is going to be _good._ " Before he could get around to thinking of ways to get under his new captain's skin though, he had been given the rather unfavorable task of disarming the Romulan's jamming signal, almost getting burnt to a crisp in the process. Oh, and almost getting killed by the Romulans who had been operating the thing; now that had been a riot.

Out of all the things Jim didn't like though, this one had to take the cake. He buzzed the Enterprise on his comm. Whatever that spiral machine was that the Romulans had shot down onto Vulcan, he didn't like it.

"Kirk to Enterprise," he said. "They just launched something at the planet, through the hole they just drilled."

Jim buzzed in again when he didn't receive a quick response and shouted into it this time. "Do you _copy_ , Enterprise!"

The voice of a command officer came through Jim's comm over some static. "Yes, sir."

Back on the Enterprise, Spock had to make a split decision. Pavel Chekov, the Russian boy who had made the announcement about the lightning storm earlier, had just finished analyzing and giving Spock report on what exactly it was that Jim had seen hit the planet. According to Chekov, the Romulans were creating a black hole at the center of Vulcan.

"How long does the planet have?" he asked the Russian.

"Meenuts, sir," Chekov had said. "Meenuts."

He had only minutes to evacuate the Vulcan High Council, who he knew would be in a place where beaming them to the ship would be impossible. It was a risk, but Spock would be damned if he didn't at least try to save his parents. After giving his orders to sound a planet-wide evacuation on all channels and frequencies, Spock got into the turbolift to the beaming station.

He got there just as Chekov had successfully managed to lock on to Jim and Sulu's signals while they had been falling at an alarmingly fast pace.

"Clear the pad," Spock said to the two men, hardly giving them time to fully catch their breaths. "I'm beaming to the surface."

It took a minute for Jim to make sense of what the Vulcan had just said.

"The surface of what?" Jim asked as he and Sulu took a step back from the beaming pad. "What, are you going down there? Are you nuts?"

Jim started to feel a bit of panic rising in his chest. Sure, he and the Vulcan didn't exactly see eye-to-eye, but that didn't mean he was eager to see Spock voluntarily put himself in a life-threatening situation.

"Spock, you can't do that!" he said, his voice cracking slightly.

The Vulcan looked at Jim somewhat defiantly from his crouched position. "Energize."

"Spock!" Jim cried out, but it was already too late.

Spock thought that he had felt, and perhaps maybe even understood Jim's feelings of concern for him, but he had been unmoved by them due to the circumstances. What he was doing was both selfish and illogical, Spock knew. However, the only thing that he could think of, as he ran toward the direction of his parents, was that he would not let his family die—not while he could still do something about it. If there was anything he had learned from a certain cheeky blonde-haired, blue-eyed someone, it was to not believe in no-win scenarios.

####

_"No! I've lost her..."_

Jim's heart sank to the ground upon hearing Chekov's words. He knew what it was like to have lost a parent, but he hadn't had the pleasure of knowing his father for as long as Spock had known his mother. He wished he had known the right thing to do or say to comfort the Vulcan, but Jim knew that he was probably one of the last people Spock would want to talk to right now.

Spock had beamed onto the Enterprise still frozen in the position he had been in on Vulcan, reaching out to his mother. Slowly, he walked over to the space on the pad where his mother should have been. He spent several seconds numbly allowing himself to process what had just happened before making eye contact with Jim Kirk. He recognized sympathy, compassion, and understanding all at once in the other man's cloudy blue eyes. Though unfortunate, with the loss of his mother, Spock found that while at first he had not been able to understand the other man at all, now he found that Jim was probably the only real person on this ship that he could actually relate the most to. And quite honestly, irony aside, Spock wasn't sure how he really felt about that.

He did not dwell on the thought for long, however, and made his way to the bridge.

####

Uhura watched Spock as he dictated some of the day's events into Enterprise's captain's logs. When he rose to leave the room, Uhura followed him into the turbolift. Her heart broke for the man she had always admired. She had never imagined he was capable of looking so vulnerable. When she looked into his eyes; they seemed empty. Uhura leaned over and pressed a button on the turbolift's control panel, which stopped it from moving. She looked at Spock again.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered tearfully.

When the Vulcan didn't reply, she said it again. He still did not move or say a word. Uhura repeated herself over and over, her hands accompanying her words this time. Ignoring the part of her that said she was starting to overstep her boundaries, Uhura took advantage of Spock's lack of movement and kissed him.

It was as if her kiss had somewhat brought him back to his senses. As Uhura hugged him, Spock felt confusion forming on his face; a rare occurrence, but the woman had surprised him. He responded to the hug at first for it had somewhat reminded him of his mother. It was when he had instinctively pressed his face against Uhura's shoulder and breathing in her scent, that Spock started to feel like something was a bit off about the whole thing.

"What do you need?" Uhura whispered in his ear.

She pulled back and continued to caress his face. "What do you need? Tell me."

Spock looked into her eyes for a moment, thinking about her question.

_"What do you need?"_

And suddenly, Spock recalled blue eyes, blonde hair, and an irritatingly cocky smile—none of which were what was in front of him. Spock broke eye contact and pressed the button on the control panel beside him that would get the turbolift moving again. He looked back at Uhura, who he thought seemed to sense that what he wanted was not something she could give because of the way she grasped the back of his head with her hands, like she was trying to grab him back. Spock looked into Uhura's eyes as he spoke his next words, and did his best to put his former mask back in place.

"I need everyone..." he said finally, voice a little shakier than he would have liked. "To continue performing admirably."

It was obvious from her facial expression that those words weren't the ones that Uhura had wanted to hear, but Spock felt that he had to convey his feelings properly.

"Okay," Uhura said with a slight nod.

She surprised him again with another kiss, and he realized that his meaning must not have been clear to her. So when Uhura came in for the second kiss, Spock leaned into it in order to prolong the physical contact just long enough to convey to her one clear image. Almost instantly he felt Uhura pull away from him and brush fingers to her lips before putting her hand down. Spock immediately stopped concerning himself with Uhura as her gaze fell to the ground. He looked straight ahead, waiting for the turbolift doors to open. When they did, he pushed past Uhura and stepped out so quickly that he missed the slight look of surprise that had come across her face, as well as an unreadable one that followed afterward, trying to process what she had just seen.

_Expressive blue eyes that always seem to change in shade and intensity, depending on the mood of the only one man who those eyes could possibly belong to._


	4. Delta Vega

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um...things are going to get a little kooky when Spock Prime mind-melds with Jim. Hopefully readers will enjoy it! If not, then well...you've been warned. At least I remembered to this time! Hahaha.
> 
> Two more chapters and we'll be done with all the movie-heavy bits!

_Chapter III: Delta Vega_

_"Agh..."_

The first thought that crossed Jim's mind as he regained consciousness was how uncomfortable he was. As his vision started to clear, he also realized he was in a very tight space, and that wherever he was, it was starting to get cold. Jim looked to his left and saw a small monitor. He tapped at it.

"Computer," he said. "Where am I?"

_"Location: Delta Vega."_

Jim unwrapped the bandage around his hand as the computer began saying its automated message. It took him a minute, but then he started to remember what had happened.

####

It had been childish of Spock, really. He knew, but there was no going back on his actions now. Besides, Vulcans weren't really known for saying sorry. Not to mention the fact that Jim's very presence, even when the other man wasn't saying anything, was enough to get under the Vulcan's skin lately.

It didn't help that Jim had been schmoozing in his seat. In fact, that was probably where it all started.

 _"Out of the chair,"_ _Spock said._

_Jim rolled his eyes, got up, and walked the opposite direction from Spock._

_"Well if the Federation's a target," said Chekov. "Why didn't zey destroy us?"_

_"Why would they?" said Sulu. "Why waste the weapons? You know...we obviously weren't a threat."_

_"That is not it," Spock said, continuing the pace around the bridge. "He said he wanted me to see something. The destruction of my home planet."_

_"How the hell did they do that, by the way?" McCoy asked. "Where did the Romulans get that kind of weaponry?"_

_It was a question Spock had meditated over while he had been trying to clear his mind after his mother's death. His efforts had been somewhat fruitful. Even if his mind was still in chaos over his loss, Spock had at least been able to draw up a theory in attempts to explain the strange way things were developing this voyage._

_"The engineering comprehension necessary to artificially create a black hole may suggest an answer," he said. "Such technology could theoretically be manipulated to create a tunnel through space-time."_

_Even if the answer didn't make sense to anyone else, to Spock, it was only logical. In the time they lived in, the Romulan's planet still existed; however, this Captain Nero claimed that where he came from, his planet had been destroyed. And not only had he blamed Spock for it, he had also known who Spock was, claiming to know an older version of the Vulcan._

_"Dammit man, I'm a doctor, not a physicist," said McCoy. "Are you actually suggesting they're from the future?_ "

_Yes, Spock thought, he was._

_"If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth,"_ _he said._

_"How poetic," said McCoy._

_"Then what would an angry, future Romulan want with Captain Pike?" Jim asked._

_He looked as if he wasn't buying the explanation. Spock stopped pacing and looked at the blonde._

_"As Captain, he does know details of Starfleet's defenses," Sulu offered._

_"What we need to do," Jim said, jumping up. "Is catch up to that ship. Disable it, take it over, and get Pike back."_

_Spock noted drily that so long as Jim didn't understand something—either due to no one being able to explain things to him clearly or because he just couldn't wrap his head around a concept—the man would just brush aside whatever he couldn't understand and seemed to turn to his primal instincts instead. Spock could never understand why Jim never seemed to want to stop and think things through, weighing all possible outcomes and potential consequences, before jumping right into action._

_"We are technologically outmatched in every way," Spock said. "A rescue attempt would be illogical."_

_"Neero's ship would haff to drop out of warp for us to overtake him," said Chekov._

_"Then, what about assigning engineering crews to try and boost our warp gear?" Jim suggested._

_Spock mentally sighed. Jim was creative, he would give the man that, but the problem Spock had always found with creative minds was that they did not always think logically._

_"Remaining power and crew are being used to repair radiation leaks on the lower decks..." he said, having needed to raise his voice somewhat so he could be heard over Jim who was saying something at the same time._

_"Ugh," Jim said as the Vulcan started talking._

_From his peripheral vision, Spock could see Jim making his way from the other side of the room over to him._

_"Okay, all right, all right," Jim said as Spock was finishing his sentence. "There's got to be some way!"_

And that was when things had started to get ugly. From McCoy's point of view, he was watching what looked like two little children about to go at it. Uhura, on the other hand, felt like she was watching the beginnings of a lover's spat. Of course, she had been biased in her point of view, as the image that she had seen from when she and Spock had kissed in the turbolift was still fresh in her mind.

 _"...we must gather with the rest of Starfleet, to balance the terms of the next engagement,"_ _Spock snapped at Jim, his hands clasped behind his back._

_"There won't_ _be_ _a next engagement," Jim said somewhat sarcastically. "By the time we've_ _gathered_ _, it'll be too late. But, you say he's from the future, knows what's going to happen, then the_ _logical_ _thing is to be unpredictable!"_

_Spock stepped closer to Jim. "You are assuming that Nero knows how events are predicted to unfold. To the contrary, Nero's very presence has altered the flow of history, beginning with the attack on the USS Kelvin, culminating in the events of today, thereby creating an entire new chain of incidents that cannot be anticipated by either party."_

_"An alternate reality..." Uhura said suddenly._

It was the point Spock had been trying to make. And given that he was right, then Spock's working theory could even possibly explain why he always seemed to be harboring inconsistent feelings towards Jim Kirk; how any feelings of animosity towards the other man always seemed coupled with a strange sense of wrongness, like they should have been walking in a different direction all this time.

_"Precisely," Spock said._

_His statement seemed to confuse Jim into silence. Spock walked away from the blonde and took a seat in the captain's chair._

_"Whatever our lives might have been, if the time continuum was disrupted, our destinies have changed. Mr. Sulu, plot a course to the Laurentian system warp factor three."_

_His command seemed to spark Jim back into action._

_"Spock, don't do that," Jim said, striding over to the Vulcan. "Running back to the rest of the fleet for a...a, a_ _confab_ _is a_ _massive_ _waste of time...!"_

_"...orders issued by Captain Pike when he left..." Spock said, speaking against Jim's rising voice._

_"He also ordered us to go back and get him," Jim said, cutting him off sharply. "Spock, you are_ _captain_ _now! You have to be—"_

_"I am aware of my responsibilities, Mister—"_

_"_ _Every_ _second we waste!" Jim voice was escalating higher. "Nero's getting closer to his next target."_

_"That is correct and why I am instructing you to accept the fact that I alone am in command—"_

_"I will not allow us to go backwards," Jim said, full on shouting now. "And run away from the problem..."_

_"Jim!" McCoy said, trying to calm his friend. "Settle down!"_

_"I alone—" Spock tried to say again, but was easily drowned out by Jim's powerful voice._

_"...instead of hunting Nero down!"_

Maybe it was because of those conflicting feelings that caused Spock to lose his patience. Then again, perhaps it was because Spock was already struggling to hide the fact that he had been emotionally compromised from the destruction of his birth planet or by his mother's death. Or it could have even been because Jim was somehow capable of making him lose his Vulcan control and seemed able to bring out the _human_ in him, which left a bitter taste in his mouth. Whatever the actual reason was, Spock found that in the end, he didn't really much care, which is why he had done what he did next.

_"Security. Escort him out."_

They had locked eyes then, and Spock unexpectedly experienced another connection with Jim Kirk's mind. Through the bridged connection he was able to see that Jim knew that the discussion was over. He was also able to see something else that made Spock feel even more confident that he had just made the right decision.

 _"You're a fucking coward,"_ Jim's voice seemed to ring clearly in his head. _"Quitting and running away. I can't believe you're just going to give up like this."_

Spock sat down in his seat as two guards approached to take Jim away. The Vulcan almost thought he could feel the somewhat confused emotions that seemed to be reverberating throughout the room. In particular, McCoy looked on as if he couldn't believe what was happening, and Uhura looked as if she couldn't believe what was going on either.

He should have known Jim wouldn't be going quietly. Completely catching the guards by surprise, Jim began fighting them off with kicks and punches.

_"No, Jim!" McCoy called out._

_Spock realized he had to take matters in his own hands. He calmly walked up behind Jim and knocked the other man unconscious with a nerve pinch. Jim had collapsed easily._

_"Get him off this ship," Spock ordered._

####

Jim relived those memories in a matter of seconds while at the same time vaguely listening to the description of the planet the computer was providing him.

_"Class-M planet. Unsafe. There is a Starfleet outpost fourteen kilometers to the northwest. Remain in your pod until—"_

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," Jim groaned.

_"...summoned authorities."_

_"That damn pointy-eared bastard,"_ Jim thought. _"And the hell I won't be staying in this pod!"_

Jim kicked open the hatch with his foot. He climbed out of the crater the pod had created in the ice with the force of its impact. On his back were some provisions that Spock had generously allowed his crew members to provide. Once he made it to the top, he took a second to survey his surroundings. There didn't look to be anything other than snow for miles. After orienting himself, Jim randomly decided on a direction and began walking. He was eventually greeted by a blizzard.

"Stardate. Twenty-two, fifty-eight point four two," he said into a portable communicator he had on him.

Jim shook his head and at the same time tried shielding it with the hood of the jacket he was now wearing against the storm; for some reason the last two numbers he had said didn't sound right to him. He tried again.

"Four uh, four...whatever," Jim said.

He glared at his communicator. Years later, he would share this recording with Spock and laugh while telling his lover how he had imagined the communicator as the Vulcan while he vented.

"Acting Captain Spock has marooned me on Delta Vega, what _I_ believe to be a violation of security protocol forty-nine point oh nine, covering the treatment of prisoners aboard a starship..."

Jim's voice trailed off. He sensed something was wrong, even though he didn't know how he knew that for sure. Later on, Spock would gently interrupt him, as Jim was telling this story, about how he also had several experiences with Jim's somewhat psychic abilities. He would also share with Jim what his elder once told him about other humans like Jim, possessing the same trait.

If Jim had known all that back then though, he would have definitely run for some sort of cover sooner than he had, instead of waiting to get a closer look at whatever was approaching. After all, he had already somehow known from which direction the monster would be approaching him.

Looking back, Jim would think that it was almost comical, the way he must have looked while running from that first creature. He had been a pretty good runner, and he could probably attribute most of that to having had practice with running from many an angry woman after they didn't receive an expected call from him after a one-night stand or post-heartbreak. Spock would later apologize to Jim profusely—though of course only while they were in private—when Jim first tells him this story, when he got to the about the part how after the first creature chasing him had been killed by a larger, much more menacing creature, how the big ugly thing had immediately lost interest in the dead carcass because Jim supposed he must have looked tastier.

However, when he would bring up the part about meeting Spock's future self in a cave, and how the older Spock managed to chase away the vile thing with just a torch, Spock would not hesitate to point out that he had redeemed himself after all. Jim would end up laughing and telling Spock that it didn't count.

_"James T. Kirk."_

Jim's attention suddenly went from the retreating beast to an elderly looking Vulcan man in front of him. His face immediately contorted in confusion.

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"How did you find me?" the Vulcan asked, looking as confused as he did.

"How do you know my name?" Jim asked quickly, a frown forming on his face.

The Vulcan seemed to realize something and sighed.

"I have been, and always shall be, your friend."

It was a test. Where this Vulcan came from, the two of them had been much more than friends, but he didn't want to alarm the young man, so he just went with a more neutral statement. He wanted to better assess the situation.

"Wha..." Jim started to say, and then he chuckled.

It seemed he had stumbled on the last thing he needed—a crazy Vulcan man that somehow knew his name and claiming to be his longtime friend—a fantastic new development for what was probably one of the worst days of his life.

"Oh...look...uh, I don't know you," Jim said.

Jim's statement only confirmed what the older man had been thinking. In this space and time, because of the mess that the Romulans had created by attempting to rewrite history, he and Jim were never properly acquainted. The old Vulcan then started to notice new memories forming in his mind that had never been there before, well, because they hadn't happened before.

He looked at Jim and said his next words slowly. "I am Spock."

 _"Say what?"_ Jim thought.

He briefly broke eye contact with the Vulcan, trying to let this new piece of information sink in, before looking at him again.

"Bullshit," he said.

Jim didn't think he could believe it, but he had to admit there was a strange familiarity to the older man's eyes that was making him start to believe. The both of them soon settled around a campfire that the other man had already made.

"It is remarkably pleasing to see you again, old friend," he said. "Especially after the events of today."

And even more especially because the Jim from his time had already been dead for a little over a century—Vulcans were capable of living roughly a lifetime and a half longer than humans. The Jim Kirk from his time period had at least been able to live to a very ripe age though, managing to completely baffled the Vulcan to the very end with his stubborn refusal to bow down to death with out a fight until his 110th year. The old Vulcan always felt like chuckling to himself whenever he recalled Jim's rather illogical declarations, claiming that he would defy all science and logic and be the first human to live out nearly as long as a Vulcan, if not just as long—and really, he almost had. The man had been the very definition of illogical, something that had once irritated the Vulcan, but only when they had been younger. He had eventually come to appreciate though, getting over it. The Vulcan's heart warmed too, remembering why it was Jim had been trying so hard not to die so early; he had told the Vulcan once that he didn't want to leave him behind with nothing. On the contrary though, the rather stubborn human man had left him with more than enough to tide him over for the latter part of his life, living as only one half to a whole.

It really was so nostalgic to be able to see his beloved Jim again, just as fiery and as passionate as he always remembered him to be.

"Uh, sir," Jim said as he got up. "I appreciate what you did for me today, but, but if you were Spock you would know we're not friends at all."

The old Vulcan looked at him curiously. He knew he was still not entirely up to speed yet, these new memories were still slowly revealing themselves to him while they spoke, but this Jim before him was claiming they weren't even friends in this life. If that were true, then the thought disturbed the Vulcan greatly.

 _"Has that much of history been changed?"_ the old man self-queried.

He inwardly cursed the Romulans for messing with the fabrics of time.

"You hate me," Jim continued. "You _marooned_ me here for mutiny!"

"Mutiny?" the old Vulcan asked, eyebrows raised in disbelief.

Jim sighed.

"Yes," he said, nodding his head in confirmation.

"You are not the captain?" Spock asked, appearing genuinely surprised.

Jim thought that if this Vulcan really was who he claimed to be, then he was definitely more expressive than the younger Spock.

 _"Does that come with age in Vulcans?"_ Jim couldn't help but wonder for a second. _"And what is he talking about? Me? Captain of the Enterprise? Seriously? This guy can't be Spock. He's far too nice, seems pretty confused, and has got to be very, very crazy. Most definitely."_

Jim chuckled and shook his head.

 _"However,"_ Jim thought to himself. _"If he_ _is_ _crazy, then it's probably a pretty bad idea to piss this guy off—I mean, he_ _did_ _save me, after all. I should probably go easy on him. I'll let him think he's Spock. Whatever. I don't need two angry Vulcans breathing down my neck; one is more than enough."_

"No, no," Jim said a little more quietly, eyes fixed to the ground.

He shuffled his feet a bit.

"Um... _you're_ the captain," Jim said, pointing his finger at the Vulcan.

He started pacing. "Pike was taken hostage."

Jim moved closer to the mouth of the cave and looked outward. As soon as Jim said it, all the memories from the current time period quickly rushed into the Vulcan's mind.

"By Nero..." he said, his face failing to hide his thoughts.

He couldn't believe it—couldn't believe how much that Romulan had changed. His words also seemed to make Jim take him a little more seriously though, judging from the expression on the younger man's face. The Vulcan definitely had his attention now.

Jim didn't say anything right away. He looked as if he were trying to figure out how to ask his question.

"What do you know about him?"

The old Vulcan sighed. "He is a particularly troubled Romulan."

He stood up and began to step towards Jim, his right hand lifted.

"Please," he said. "Allow me."

"Whoa, whoa," Jim said, taking a couple steps back. "What are you doing?"

He had become wary of Vulcan hands. After all, that's how he had gotten knocked out back on the ship.

"Our minds," the Vulcan explained, somewhat vaguely. "One and together."

Jim looked confused, as if he were trying to process the statement. The old man took advantage of his lack of movement and pressed his fingers to the melding points on the younger man's face.

"One hundred and twenty-nine years from now, a star will explode and threaten to destroy the galaxy," he said before completing the meld, allowing Jim just a little more time.

Their eyes connected, and it was the strangest feeling for Jim for two reasons—one, because the sensation was somewhat familiar to him. It reminded him of the few times he had caught Spock's eye back on the ship, like a gap was being filled in order to allow him to cross over. Two, looking into the Vulcan's eyes, he felt as if he were being pulled. He had felt the same tugging sensation before with the Spock he knew, but those seemed more subtle in comparison to what Jim was feeling now.

And then suddenly, the Vulcan initiated the connection and Jim was mentally thrown someplace else. It was very much like the life-like dream he had experienced on the Enterprise. He did not see the old man anymore, but he could still hear his voice.

 _"That's where I'm from, Jim,"_ he said. _"The future."_

Immediately things Spock had said back on the ship came rushing back to Jim. The future—Spock had speculated that, and this Vulcan was confirming it. Then perhaps the old man really was Spock, Jim mused. In the next few minutes, Jim saw so many things that only further convinced him of this fact. He listened as the elder version of Spock told him about the explosion of a star, and how it had mercilessly swallowed everything within its grasp. The Vulcan then showed him visions of something he called red matter, coupled with whispered explanations that Jim wasn't even sure the Vulcan was aware he was providing in addition to what he was already narrating, and Jim was able to connect the dots and realize that red matter is what the Romulans had used to obliterate Vulcan. He was shown visions of Spock and Nero's ships being pulled in by the black hole that the Vulcan's red matter had created—and then he saw it.

The USS Kelvin, being greeted by the Romulan vessel. Suddenly, Jim felt himself being pushed through what felt like another mental layer after watching the USS Kelvin explode before him. He could still hear the Vulcan telling his story, but it was almost like Jim's mind was only half-interested. His mind also seemed to take on a personality of its own Jim felt like it was searching for something, something deep within the recesses of the Vulcan's subconscious.

_"Nero spent the next twenty-five years awaiting my arrival."_

Jim saw the visions that accompanied that statement, he really did, but what he couldn't understand was how he saw something else too. He felt more like he had been split in two though, rather than seeing two things on two different screens at once. He couldn't actually see his other half, but he could _feel_ that his shade was somehow recording what the elder Spock was showing him. As for him, he was suddenly enveloped in a bright white light.

####

Jim opened his eyes to the peaceful sounds of soothing music, which seemed to be coming from above. Jim slowly sat up and looked at the ceiling was able to pinpoint the source of the sound as coming from a baby's mobile, which was hanging overhead.

 _"A baby's mobile?"_ Jim thought. _"That doesn't make any sense. What's going on?"_

He thought to look down at his hands.

"Ahhhh!" he cried out, waving them about—they were the size of an infant's.

Jim looked at himself all over. He _was_ an infant. He wondered what in the world the Vulcan had done to him. He screamed and surprised himself; he even sounded like a baby. Jim then heard the sound of a door slowly creaking open and he immediately stilled.

 _"Who's there?"_ Jim thought frantically.

"Oh _,_ Jim... _honey_!"

Jim blinked. He recognized that voice; he knew who that was.

 _"Mom?"_ Jim thought.

He turned around and sure enough, he was greeted by the smiling face of his mother.

"Oh, Jim, sweetie," she said. "Come here...!"

Jim was so confused. Why was he a baby again, and why did his mother look so different? In fact, Jim wondered why his mother was even there at all. Even if he were still in the mind of the Vulcan, and even if this Vulcan were Spock—even if he and Spock had been good friends in another life—it made absolutely no sense why the Vulcan would have these memories. They weren't even memories of a time Jim had lived, and yet, he could not write these visions off as some sort of sick fantasy harbored by the Vulcan, because something about this just felt so real. Even more real than his hallucination of the USS Kelvin's final moments, if that were possible.

"M...mom...?" Jim tried to say.

It came out more like a cry. Jim's mother started laughing at him and lifted him out of his crib.

"Mom! Mom!" Jim tried to say frantically. "What's going on? Tell me! Ma!"

Unfortunately, his words kept coming out sounding like a baby's screaming and hollering; it frustrated Jim to no end.

"Nn...momma...what's going on?"

Jim's eyes flitted toward the doorway and was surprised who he saw there. It was his older brother, George Samuel Kirk, Jr., but Jim had always called him Sam.

"Sam!" he called out to him. "Sam! Sam, help me!"

Now his voice sounded like a stream of wails. His mother brought him closer to her chest and started patting his back, as if that would comfort him. He soon found himself facing the curtains behind his mother, because she had turned to face his brother.

"Sam," Winona Kirk said to her older son. "Could you please run and grab your father? Your brother just won't stop crying."

"Aw man, _again_?" he heard his brother say. "Gosh, he's so whiny."

"Sam!"

"Oh, all right, fine. Geez, what a spoiled baby," Jim heard his brother mutter before shouting out for their father. "Daaaaad!"

Jim heard Sam Kirk go out into the hall. He squirmed in the arms of his mother, who continued patting him on the back and bouncing him up and down.

"Shhh...hush now, sweetie, it's okay!" his mother cooed at him. "It's okay! Daddy's coming."

 _"Daddy's coming?"_ Jim thought. _"What is that supposed to mean!"_

He could hear Sam rushing back into the room, slightly out of breath, and Jim could hear another heavier set of footsteps accompanying his brother. His mother pulled him from her chest and smiled at him. She dropped her jaw in fake surprise and made a light gasping sound.

"There he is!" she said brightly.

 _"Who?"_ Jim thought. _"There who is, huh? What—"_

"Hey there, tiger," said a very familiar male voice, breaking Jim's train of thought. "You giving your mom trouble, little buddy?"

"Ugh, tell me about it," Sam said, and Jim was sure his brother had been rolling his eyes.

Jim's heart pounded loudly in his ears. He felt strong arms wrap around him, removing him from his mother. Jim almost didn't dare to look, but he did. And he was overwhelmed by what he saw. Staring down at him was the loving face of his father.

 _"Is this even a real memory?"_ Jim thought. _"And if it is, how come it feels so solid?"_

George Kirk Sr. smiled widely at him.

"Hey now, buddy," he said. "I know just what'll cheer you right up."

Before he could wonder what his father would do, he suddenly felt himself getting tossed up in the air. He heard his mother cry out disapprovingly.

" _George_!"

She shouldn't have worried though; his father caught him quite easily. He kept Jim high up in the air. Jim couldn't help but to start laughing—at least that much translated out properly. His father laughed with him.

"Hey now there, you see?" George said to his wife, but was still looking at Jim. "Now _that's_ how you stop a crying baby!"

"Oh, George..."

"Oh, _brother_ ," Jim heard Sam say. "Whatever, dad. C'mon, we all know Jim only behaves when _you're_ around."

If Jim had been physically capable, he might have turned around and flicked his brother off—Sam was just jealous. His father laughed again.

"Well, is that so?" he said, waggling his eyebrows at Jim as if they were sharing a private joke.

 _"Uh...uh, yeah!"_ was Jim's only thought as he looked down at his father's smiling face—even if this was just a dream, he never wanted it to stop.

Of course, the minute he thought that, everything did. The scene before him changed, and soon he saw all sorts of other visions, though this time he was watching them all from a third-person perspective. Like the one of him preparing for Starfleet Academy at the age of 16.

 _"Wait a minute...sixteen?"_ Jim thought quizzically. _"I didn't go and attend Starfleet until I turned twenty-two!"_

He saw a somewhat older-looking version of his father clap his hand on the shoulder of his sixteen-year-old self. "Ready to go, son?"

The younger version of himself smiled. "Yeah! You bet!"

"Well, come on, then!"

And then the scenes whizzed by even more rapidly from then on. First, he saw himself attending classes at Starfleet. Next, he was working under Captain Pike on a different ship from the Enterprise, a ship called the USS Cassiopeia. One of the strangest visions Jim saw was the one of him meeting Spock again for the first time, and it was so _different_ , how they reacted to each other here than they actually had in real life. It was actually— _cordial_. And then all of a sudden, Jim was being celebrated as the captain of the USS Enterprise—brand spanking new and entirely all his. Jim couldn't resist drinking in the pride he saw on his father's face as he was among the throngs of people wishing him luck on leading the Enterprise's maiden voyage.

Jim watched as he saw his dad give the dream-version of him a hug, and Jim couldn't deny that he felt a sharp pang of longing. He wished that it was him, not his apparition, that was standing in front of his father there. And then all of a sudden, Jim was.

Jim felt his eyes well up with tears upon seeing his father's proud face up close. His father smiled at him and held out his hand, which Jim eagerly took, and Jim couldn't believe it—his father's hand had felt solid and warm, just like the real thing. As they shook hands, his father let out a chuckle and used his other hand to pat Jim firmly on the shoulder. George Kirk's eyes were tearing up too.

"You'll do great, son," he said to Jim. "I'm proud of you."

Jim thought that he couldn't have felt happier in his whole life. Then his father pulled him in for a hug, and Jim found himself to be absolutely shameless as he hugged his father back tightly and probably squeezing the daylights out of the older man. Then Jim made the mistake of closing his eyes—or perhaps the vision wouldn't have lasted for much longer anyways, having run its course.

Regardless, shortly after, the tone of the visions seemed to change along with the tempo, which slowed, and now Jim was starting to see even stranger visions. This time, they were of Spock and himself. It was just the two of them working together at first on the Enterprise, every once in a while playing a game of chess—Jim didn't even know if the real Spock _he_ knew even _liked_ chess. And then things started to seem even more convoluted than before. Soon he wasn't just hanging around with Spock, now Jim found himself in Spock's embrace, and then he was waking up next to the Vulcan in bed—which Jim had to admit, that was pretty freaking weird—and then all of a sudden he was _kissing_ Spock, which shocked Jim to the core. And though quite odd, Jim felt an electric tingle course through him as he heard Spock whisper lovingly in his ear, _T'hy'la_ , _T'hy'la_.

And all Jim could think to himself was, _"What the_ _hell_ _is going on,"_ before suddenly feeling like another body was slamming into his own. All these other, more violent visions came rushing in, overwhelming him, and Jim knew immediately that the brunt force he felt must have been his other half joining back together with him.

Then, there was another shock, and Jim was immediately jolted back to the present.

####

Jim gasped for air when the elder Spock let go. Tears were stinging his eyes and Jim found that he was overcome with tremendous emotion. His body heaved as he breathed in and out harshly, trying to regain his bearings.

"Forgive me," said the old Vulcan. "Emotional transferrance is an effect of the mind meld."

Jim continued breathing in and out heavily. He somewhat staggered to the other side of the cave, away from the Vulcan. Yes, he definitely felt emotion, and he had indeed felt some of the older man's feelings of distress upon seeing the loss of his planet.

"So you _do_ feel?" Jim finally managed to say.

"Yes," replied the Vulcan.

However, those feelings weren't what stood out the most. The feelings that Jim had welled up inside of him were coming from a much more sensitive source. They were coming from the things he had seen that were supposedly memories of him and his father. In the midst of his disorienting thoughts, Jim thought back on Spock's theory from back on the Enterprise. Now he thought he could see things from a more believable context. If this Vulcan really was Spock from the future, then Jim supposed that perhaps those visions he had seen of himself and his father were true. And yet, that still didn't explain to him why those visions had felt so real, or how Spock could have had those memories in the first place, since they wouldn't have been his. He made a note to find out about all this later.

All the same though, if it were all true, then Jim couldn't help but feel as if he had been somehow cheated out of something that should have been rightfully his.

"Going back in time, you changed all our lives," he said.

"Jim, we must go," the Vulcan said then, as if he sensed what Jim was trying to get at and was attempting to avoid the subject. "There is a Starfleet outpost not far from here."

Jim frowned. The Vulcan brushed past him.

"Wait," he said, calling out to the Vulcan's retreating backside.

The other man turned somewhat reluctantly.

"Where you came from..." Jim paused for a moment, trying not to get all choked up again. "...did I know my father?"

The older man had an unreadable expression on his face. It was possible he was realizing what else Jim must have seen when their two minds had joined together. The Vulcan nodded his head once, slightly.

"Yes," he said gently. "You often spoke of him as being your inspiration for joining Starfleet."

Jim felt his body go numb and suddenly found himself wanting to do nothing more than cry. He didn't, though.

"He proudly lived to see you become Captain of the Enterprise."

Jim immediately recalled the vision he had seen of his father sending him off just before he would board the USS Enterprise as its first captain.

"Captain?" he said softly; it wasn't really a question.

"A ship we must return you to as soon as possible," Spock said quickly before exiting through a tunnel, leaving Jim behind.

Jim did not follow the Vulcan right away. Instead, he turned his body and stared into the still-flickering flames of the campfire, a little lost in his thoughts.

####

Meanwhile, back on the ship, Spock found himself doing what he had never remembered himself doing before—trying to rationalize his actions. After calming down from his initial rage, Spock began to wonder if perhaps he had acted a bit too hastily before. And yet, Spock still felt that in the end though, he had made the right decision. Still, Spock secretly hoped that perhaps a conversation with Jim's close friend would help in some way, even though according to his calculations, the Vulcan highly doubted it. After all, Spock imagined that this was something his exiled first officer would have done. It was disturbing to think that Spock was even considering the other man's methods, but Spock reasoned that perhaps it was more logical to do so. His first officer was no longer on board and Spock hadn't assigned himself a replacement, so it only seemed natural that Spock would have to assume both roles himself. And while he was at it, he figured he might as well stay somewhat in character.

"You wanted to see me?"

Spock hadn't realized he had drifted off in his thoughts until he heard McCoy's voice coming from beside him.

"Yes, Doctor," Spock said as he got up out of his chair.

They began walking alongside each other around the bridge.

"I am aware that James Kirk is a friend of yours. I recognize that supporting me as you did must have been difficult," Spock said, his hands clasped behind his back.

"Is that a thank you?" McCoy asked, mild sarcasm evident in his tone.

Spock was well aware that McCoy wasn't his biggest fan. If at all possible, he was probably on worse terms with the doctor than he was with Jim Kirk.

"I am simply acknowledging your difficulties," he said.

McCoy sighed.

"Permission to speak freely, sir," He requested gruffly, initially not making eye contact with the Vulcan.

"I welcome it," said Spock.

"Do you?" McCoy said, letting out a light and tense chuckle. "Okay then. Are you out of your Vulcan mind?"

That had caught the Vulcan somewhat by surprise; however, he _had_ given the doctor permission to speak openly. He tilted his head slightly to one side in a somewhat defensive motion.

"Are you making the logical choice, sending Kirk away? Probably, but the right one?" McCoy said all this through clenched teeth. "You know, back home we got a saying, 'If you're gonna ride in the Kentucky Derby, you don't leave your prize stallion in the stable.'"

Spock felt his lips twitch into a tiny smirk upon noticing that the doctor and Jim shared certain similarities, like their hot temper—or their flawed logical reasoning.

"A curious metaphor, Doctor," he quipped back. "As a stallion must first be broken before it can reach its potential."

"My god, man. You could at least _act_ like it was a hard decision."

"I intend to assist in the effort to reestablish communication with Starfleet. However, if crew morale was better served by my roaming the halls weeping, I will gladly defer to your medical expertise," said Spock, who ended the conversation quickly upon his father arriving on the bridge. " Excuse me."

Oddly enough, he walked away feeling a little bit better. Somehow, his conversation with McCoy had helped. It was almost as if Spock had _missed_ being able to quarrel uselessly with someone. He didn't see the somewhat confused look on McCoy's face as Spock walked away from him; the rather human expressiveness he had exhibited while joking in a very human-like manner had not gone unnoticed.

 _"What was all that about?"_ McCoy thought to himself. _"Did he really just call me up to the bridge just so he could argue with me? If he wants to do something like this whenever the hell he wants, then he should have thought about it before tossing Jim off this ship! Wait a minute...does that mean that maybe in some twisted way, he might actually be_ _missing_ _Jim? Ugh, whatever. Even if he is, I sure as hell don't want any part of it."_

McCoy turned around and shook his head slightly in disgust.

"Green-blooded hobgoblin," McCoy muttered as he marched back to the turbolift so he could get back to the medical bay.

Spock had squashed the only silver lining he had seen from Jim having been cast out; he had thought that maybe now there would be time to work without distractions, at least for a little while. Apparently he had assumed incorrectly—the Vulcan seemed to have decided upon taking the unruly first officer's place, adding to the length of McCoy's ever-growing list of personal annoyances. Last the doctor checked, being a personal counselor to either man had not been part of his initial job description.

####

Back on Delta Vega, the elder Spock had just introduced Jim to a man named Scotty. He then proceeded to explain to them both that they were going to beam onto the Enterprise by using a transwarp beaming equation that Scotty technically wouldn't have discovered until much later, under different circumstances.

Jim had turned to the elder Spock, just as they were about to leave. "You're coming with us, right?"

"No Jim," the elder Spock had said while shaking his head. "It is not my destiny."

Jim blinked. "Your dest... _haa_...!"

The older man mentally chuckled at Jim's suddenly serious expression.

"He... the other Spock is not going to believe me," Jim said, using his hands in attempts to emphasize his point. "Only you can explain what's gonna happen."

"Under no circumstances, can he be aware of my existence. You must promise me this," the elder Spock said.

Jim may not have been able to understand the reasons for his motives at the time, but there was one thing that the Romulans hadn't completely taken from him—taken from _them_ , actually—and it was something Spock wasn't going to give up without a fight. There was still room for error, according to his internal calculations, but then it meant he had all the more reason to try.

"You're telling me I, I can't tell you that I'm following your own orders?" Jim asked, his words accompanied by somewhat frantic hand gestures. "Why not? What happens?"

The Vulcan mentally smiled at how much Jim had looked like such a child when he had asked the last two questions. It took some willpower not to laugh out loud.

"Jim, this is one rule you cannot break," he said as solemnly as he could. "To stop Nero, you alone must take command of your ship."

And while he apparently didn't mind leading the Enterprise himself—or at least, based on his newer memories, anyway—the elder Spock still felt that Jim's rightful place was not as his lackey but as his captain.

"How? Over your dead body?" Jim shot back sarcastically.

"Preferably not," the older man said, allowing himself a slight chuckle. "However, there is Starfleet regulation six-one-nine. Six-one-nine states that any command officer who's emotionally compromised by the mission at hand, must resign said command."

The elder Spock couldn't help but feel warmth as well as a little bit more hope for his plan, as he saw a crestfallen look spread across the young man's face.

"So...so you're saying that I have to emotionally compromise you guys?" Jim asked softly.

"Jim, I just lost my planet. I can tell you, I am emotionally compromised," the elder Spock said to him gently. "What you must do is get me to show it."

He felt further touched when the younger man locked eyes with his, noting that this Jim learned just as quickly as the one he had fallen in love with in his own time. The young man seemed to now know that he could connect with the Vulcan on a somewhat deeper level just by maintaining eye contact. The elder Spock carefully and even a little lovingly channeled feelings of encouragement and reassurance towards Jim, letting him know that he really did have the Vulcan's permission to execute this harsh plan. The older man knew Jim's true heart, even if his self from this reality didn't realize it yet. The elder Spock hoped that his new younger self eventually would.

"Aye then, Laddie," Scotty finally said, sensing the conversation was coming to an end. "Live or die, let's get this over with."

Jim reluctantly took his place in one of the transporters. He looked back at the elder Spock, not paying attention to the farewell conversation Scotty was having with his, well, whatever the green creature was that Scotty called Keenser.

He wasn't sure if it was because he had left a small shred of doubt about whether or not he and the Vulcan would be able to reconcile in this lifetime, but Jim found himself wanting to reach out to the other man. He leaned somewhat forward, resting his arms on the bars of the transporter. The Vulcan turned around when he heard Jim speak.

"Your coming back in time, changing history...?" Jim paused for a second, then gave the elder Spock a small smile. "It's cheating."

The old man knew right away Jim was fishing for something. The elder Spock took a second to sift through new memories that he had recently attained that were coming from his new past life, to see if he could find anything relevant. He let out a soft chuckle when he did.

"A trick I learned from an old friend," he replied fondly.

The somewhat guarded look in Jim's eyes seemed to soften, as if the elder Spock had confirmed for him that everything would return to the way it should have been between them, whatever that really meant. Jim lowered his eyes when the Vulcan turned his back and his joking smile transformed into a much more sentimental one. Had the elder Vulcan turned back around a beat sooner than he did his heart would have probably melted upon seeing just how warmly the young man seemed to glow. When he finally did turn around after starting up the transporting device, there had been a rather faraway look in Jim's eyes.

The elder Spock lifted his hands in a standard Vulcan greeting. "Live long, and prosper."

Jim seemed to come back to his senses and pushed himself up into a standing position as the transporter began to send him and Scotty onto the Enterprise. Scotty was somewhat relieved—he wasn't too sure what he had been witnessing between the two men, but he had felt pretty awkward about it.

After the two young men had gone, the elder Spock couldn't help but chuckle and allowed himself to bask in memories, both knew and old. Somehow, he wasn't too worried about the two of them finding their way back to each other in this lifetime.

####

_"...deetecting unautorized akcess to water toorbine control board_."

Spock's ears perked up at Chekov's report, and he became distracted from the conversation he had been having with his father. The Vulcan approached the Russian boy's side.

"Bring up the video," he said.

Spock couldn't get a perfectly clear look from the visual, but there was something familiar about the way one of the figures moved about on the screen, though it couldn't be possible. Spock leaned forward and hit a button on the communication dashboard.

"Security, seal the engineering deck," he commanded. "We have intruders in turbine section three."

It was impossible, but then again, in light of certain events, it was altogether just as probable. Therefore, he decided last minute to switch to a slightly safer tactic.

"Set phasers to stun."

Just in case.

####

When Jim had still been on Delta Vega, talking to the elder Spock, he had felt some hesitance regarding the other man's plan. Jim hadn't been sure if he would be capable of manipulating Spock out of his captaincy; however, he had been able to manage it more easily than he had anticipated. It could have been any number of factors, really—Spock's father had been in the room, Jim bringing Scotty on board also seemed to throw the Vulcan for a bit of a loop, and maybe it was even possible that the two of them missed their practically routine heated bantering. However, the real reason why Jim had ended up finding it so easy to take Spock's rank from him could probably be mostly credited to the fact that Jim was finally beginning to make some sense of what he had learned from his meeting with the Vulcan's future self. The man was a sly one, Jim would give him that. He couldn't help but wonder if the one standing before him would also eventually become just as cunning. He supposed that could be considered a rhetorical question.

_"We're travelling at warp speed. How did you manage to beam aboard this ship?"_

"Hm! You're the genius," Jim said with a mocking gesture. "You figure it out."

Had his father not been present on the bridge, Spock may have reacted differently. Unfortunately, Jim was back to making things as difficult for him as possible.

"As Acting Captain of this vessel, I order you to answer the question."

"Well I'm not telling," Jim said while trying to keep his face as neutral as possible. " _Acting Captain_."

Jim couldn't deny that he was secretly enjoying this a little too much. Spock involuntarily clenched his jaw. Jim shook his head slightly and used some mocking gestures to go along with his words.

"What di... What, now, that doesn't frustrate you, does it? My lack of cooperation. That, that doesn't make you angry?" Jim said with an almost flirtatious smile.

He was so focused on Spock that he missed Scotty's eyes flitting back and forth between them, the man's eyes slowly widening, as if he were just beginning to connect the dots between what was happening and what the old Vulcan had said to Jim back on Delta Vega. Scotty felt as if his eyebrows had risen halfway past his head by the time Spock addressed him; he felt like he had just been thrust into some kind of comedy show.

"Are you a member of Starfleet?"

"I... um... yes. Can I get a towel, please?"

"Under penalty of court martial, I order you to explain to me how you were able to beam aboard this ship while moving at warp."

"Well..." Scotty had been about to answer, but Jim cut him off.

"Don't answer him."

"You _will_ answer _me_..." Spock said.

It took him a minute, but then Scotty recalled some important bits from the Delta Vega conversation, and his understanding finally came around full circle. The tension he had felt in that room, it hadn't been a _hostile_ tension, it had been something closer to a romantic tension. Scotty couldn't help smiling, despite himself.

"I'd...rather not take sides," he said, still somewhat grinning.

Jim seemed to bristle with excitement, like he seemed to sense that Scotty had caught on to the plan too, and Jim was suddenly inspired to do something he had been wanting to do for a long time—for better or for worse.

"What is it with you, Spock? Hmm?"

The Vulcan tried to mask the surprise he felt when Jim swooped in close in one fleeting motion, his face hovering dangerously close. Spock almost found himself hopelessly distracted by blue eyes that seemed to be sparkling at him, as if they trying to tempt him, though for what, Spock couldn't be certain.

"Your planet was just destroyed, your mother murdered...and you're not even upset!"

If it weren't for the hurtful words coming out of the other man's mouth, Spock could have almost believed that the blonde was attempting to flirt with him.

"If you're presuming that these experiences in any way impede my ability to command this ship, you are mistaken," Spock said as evenly as he could.

Spock felt the sudden urge to flee the bridge, lock himself in his room, and pull all his hair out—maybe even scream—because of the many conflicting emotions the younger man was causing within him. Each time their eyes met, Spock would see things that he couldn't really understand; it was clouding his judgment even further.

"And yet you were the one who said fear was necessary for command. Did you see his ship? Do you see what he did?"

"Yes, of course I did," Spock said, becoming even more confused by the changes in Jim's expression.

For once, he couldn't wrap his mind around a concept. He couldn't understand how Jim could say such terrible things, have a hardened facial expression, and yet his eyes—they held such a tender expression. Was it sympathy? Compassion? Tenderness? None of it made sense to Spock, and it frustrated him to no end that he couldn't place a proper finger on it.

"I will not allow you to lecture me about the merits of emotion," he said tightly.

"Then why don't you stop me," Jim said, his tone teetering dangerously between mocking and flirtatiousness.

Unfortunately, given the context of what he had already said, it wasn't likely that the Vulcan would have been at all moved, had Jim risked making a pass at him.

"Step away from me, Mister—"

"What is it like not to feel anger or heartbreak or the need to stop at nothing to avenge the death of the woman who gave birth to you?"

Spock's eyes were becoming a pitch black, and the light in Jim's eyes was quickly dimming as well. Despite how it may have looked, it gave Jim no pleasure to return to Spock a taste of his own medicine of words he had said to Jim during the academic council hearing, an incident that suddenly seemed to have happened so long ago now.

"Back away from me..."

"You feel nothing!" Jim shouted, and it took all his willpower not to tear up as he did. "It must not even compute for you!"

Spock's mind reeled as Jim spoke; he just couldn't understand the other man. Here he was, saying the most hurtful things in the world, and yet, when Spock looked into Jim Kirk's eyes, he saw the exact opposite.

_"I know, I know, I know... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I don't want to be doing this to you Spock, it's killing me..."_

Then, Jim said something he just couldn't forgive.

"You never loved her!"

And then Spock just snapped. He punched at Jim mercilessly, surprising the other man with his overwhelming Vulcan strength. Eventually he had the man in a choke hold. He could have easily crushed the other man's skull, and though he wasn't necessarily leaving any room for comfort, Spock didn't know why he was hesitating from finishing the job. His mind was blank; he just stared at Jim, who was rapidly changing different shades. Spock found himself lost, someplace way back in his memory, somewhat reliving a similarly unsettling moment from his childhood. Only that time, he had been perfectly ready to kill.

Then, he heard his father's voice, which sharply cut through to his mind.

" _Spock_!"

Very slowly, Spock began to regain control of his senses and came to realize the gravity of what he had almost done. The expression on his face fluctuated between horror and shame. Spock gradually turned and faced his father. They briefly made momentary eye contact before Spock made a move to stagger off the bridge; he felt nauseous. He stopped in front of McCoy, but did not look the man in the eye.

"Doctor, I am no longer fit for duty... I hereby relinquish my command, based on the fact that I have been emotionally compromised." Spock stopped to take a quick breath. "Please note the time and date in the ship's log."

Spock then walked quickly in the direction of the turbolift. Jim watched painfully as Uhura rushed to Spock's side; it only a little little comfort to him that Spock stopped her at the door, not allowing her tag along. He quietly hoped that she wouldn't get another chance to try and comfort the Vulcan again. It then occurred to him that he had broken Spock down right in front of his father, Sarek. He instinctively cowered when the other man's eyes fleetingly met his own. Sarek then lightly scanned the rest of the bridge before leaving to go after his son. There was a deafening silence upon the bridge.

"I like this ship!" Scotty said in his thick accent, which sliced into the silence; people began to stare. "You know, it's exciting."

Jim knew he really deserved it this time—the fact that he had been commanded by and given permission from Spock's future person didn't seem like much of an excuse at all—but the disappointment he saw on McCoy's face really hit him hard. It was very possible that he may have lost the respect of the only person who actually gave a real damn about him.

"Well, congratulations, Jim," said McCoy. "Now we've got no Captain and no goddamn first officer to replace him."

Jim breathed in heavily. He knew it was now or never; the damage had already been done.

"Yeah we do," he said, failing miserably to force out a confident smile.

"What?" asked McCoy.

"Pike made him first officer," Sulu offered up plainly.

"You've got to be kidding me," McCoy said as Jim climbed into the captain's chair.

"Thanks for the support," he said somewhat sarcastically.

His outer attitude did not accurately reflect how he felt inside. Internally, Kirk felt like the worst kind of scumbag, and rightfully so, because in a way, Jim thought that he may as well have been punching the living daylights out of his own heart. He knew firsthand how much it hurt to have lost a parent. If only he could have explained things to the Vulcan. If only he could have explained it to everyone. Then again, who would believe him? Especially now, right after what he had just done.

He couldn't even meet Uhura's eyes, when she walked up beside him.

"I sure hope you know what you're doing... _Captain_ ," she said to him coldly.

She had no idea how torn up he was inside; how badly he too was hurting. If only he could explain. Reluctantly, Jim looked at Uhura and tried his best to show her just how sorry he felt. He hoped she could see the sincerity in his remorseful eyes and weak attempts at a reassuring smile.

"...so do I," he said to her rather softly.

And he meant every word.


	5. A Woman's Intuition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously...I have no idea why my end notes from the prologue keep repeating randomly over and over. I think I'm going to have to talk with AO3 support about that...

  
_Chapter IV:_ _A Woman's Intuition_  


_"Attention crew of the Enterprise, this is James Kirk. Mister Spock has resigned commission and advanced me to Acting Captain. I know you were all expecting to regroup with fleet, but I'm ordering a pursuit course of the enemy ship to Earth. I want all departments at battle stations and ready in ten minutes."_

Jim's voice sounded distant to Spock as he numbly walked through the ship's corridors. For the first time in his life, Spock was running on auto-pilot. He felt nothing; he thought nothing.

Jim's voice grew softer and softer with each sentence he uttered, because he was distracted in his thoughts. The blonde replayed over and over the fight he had with Spock in his mind, rather obsessively, wondering if there really hadn't been another way he could have done things.

"Either we're going down, or they are..." he said. "Kirk out."

He was so absorbed in his dark thoughts, he hadn't even realized that he had made a small wordplay.

####

When Jim had those horrible things about Spock's mother, even Sarek had found himself almost unable to suppress his own rage. Who was this blonde man, he had wondered, and where did he get the nerve? He had seen the young man on board the ship before, after he had been evacuated from Vulcan, but he had never had the chance to speak with him. Then, while watching the argument between the young man and his son, Sarek had been firm in deciding he would never care to.

Until he had felt the brute force of Jim's thoughts that forced their way into his mind. Frankly, Sarek had been genuinely surprised. He hadn't met another human that possessed such powerful mental abilities since his current late wife, Amanda. Unlike his son, Sarek hadn't needed to keep his gaze locked with the young man's for long, nor had he questioned the fact that he could hear the blonde man's thoughts. It was a technique that he had been quite used to utilizing, as he had often practiced its use when communicating with his wife.

_"Oh god... I hate this! I'm sorry, Spock, I'm sorry... I didn't want to do this... If I could, I'd explain_ _—"_

Sarek hadn't probed long enough to find out more, but something told him there was more to the story than what he had seen; what even Spock and any of the other crew members had seen. Though it didn't completely dissipate his anger, it at least allowed Sarek to logically come to the conclusion that he should not so easily judge this James Kirk post-haste. The elder Vulcan eventually pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, however, as he followed Spock into the ship's transporting room. Perhaps it was somewhat in honor of his son's beloved mother, but Sarek was ready to do the unthinkable _—_ he would attempt to provide comfort for his son.

He let Spock have his space and remained at the doorway by the beaming pad.

"Speak your mind, Spock," he said.

Spock swallowed. He had not realized his father had been followed him.

"That would be unwise," he said quietly.

"What is necessary," Sarek assured him. "Is never unwise."

"I'm as conflicted as I once was as a child," Spock said aloud, though it was mostly to himself.

"You will always be a child of two worlds. I am grateful for this. And for you," his father said in response.

Spock was confused. Was his father really trying to comfort him? It seemed terribly out of character; Spock could never remember a time his father had spoken to him so tenderly. His mother had always been the one ready with the soothing words. He turned sharply on his heels and faced his father.

"I feel anger for the one who took Mother's life," he said somewhat shamefully. "An anger I cannot control."

His father slowly approached him.

"I believe, as she would say, do not try to," he said, and for the first time, Spock thought he could see emotions flickering in his father's normally unwavering eyes. "You asked me once why I married your mother..."

Sarek paused. He was almost unable to contain his own despair.

"I married her...because I loved her," he whispered.

Then the elder Vulcan stepped off of the beaming pad and left to retire to his room, leaving his son alone to process what he had just said.

####

_"Captain Kork, Captain Kork!"_

"Yes, Chekov," Jim said to the Russian. "What is it?"

Jim had a plan to rescue Captain Pike and to defeat the crew of the Romulan ship. They just had to avoid getting caught. Easier said than done, Jim knew. He hoped that the kid had some good news for him though, because according to Sulu and McCoy, the prognosis wasn't looking too good.

"Based on the fastest course from Wulcan, I have projected that Neero will trevel past Saturn," Chekov said somewhat excitedly.

Jim frowned as he thought about what Chekov was saying.

"Like you said, we need to stay inwisible to Neero or he'll destroy us. If Meester Scott can get us to warp factor four, _and_ if we drop out of warp behind one of Saturn's moons, say, Titan..."

"Mm," Jim said with a slight nod; the kid may have been onto something.

"...the magnetic distortion from ze planet's rings will make us inwisible to Neero's sensors. From zere, as long as the drill is not actiwated we can beam aboard the enemy ship," Chekov concluded as he waited expectantly to receive feedback from his seniors.

"Aye, that might work," said Scotty, who had come in at some point during Chekov's report, drying his wet hair with a towel.

Chekov beamed. Uhura's jaw dropped slightly in surprise; this was the second time she was witnessing the kid's genius _—_ the first had been when he had saved Jim and Sulu from near death on Vulcan. Sulu also appeared to be stunned into silence. McCoy frowned.

"Wait a minute, kid," he said, squinting his eyes at Chekov. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen, sir!" the Russian said proudly, bouncing up a little bit when he said it.

"Oh. Oh _good_ , he's seventeen," McCoy said sarcastically to Jim.

He was becoming ever more confident in the blonde captain's abilities _—_ _not quite_.

 _"Shit, he's seventeen,"_ Sulu thought unhappily to himself.

Hikaru Sulu was the type of man who had always been absorbed in his work, never once concerning himself with thoughts of love, but ever since the young and bright Russian had saved him from getting squashed like a grape back on Vulcan, Sulu had found his eyes wandering more often over to the other side of the communication dashboard than not. He had to admit, the boy's thick, foreign accent and energetic personality were quickly becoming welcome distractions to his otherwise normal work routine.

"Doctor!"

Jim's head snapped up immediately and he almost thought that his heart stopped in his chest upon recognizing the familiar voice. He wasn't the only one surprised _—_ all eyes were now on Spock, who had at some point quietly slipped back onto the bridge. His sudden appearance almost caused Uhura to rush up to the Vulcan and throw her arms around him, but she managed to restrain herself.

"Mister Chekov is correct. I can confirm his telemetry," Spock continued, walking down to the group. "If Mister Sulu is able to maneuver us into position, I can beam aboard Nero's ship, steal back the black hole device, and if possible, bring back Captain Pike."

Jim had pursed his lips the second the Vulcan suggested his beaming aboard the Romulan's ship. He then wrote off Spock's idea completely without giving it too much consideration upon hearing the man was planning to try and do everything solo. Jim shook his head.

"I won't allow you to do that, Mister Spock," he said.

He dared to make eye contact and was fairly surprised to see clear amusement on Spock's face that did not go entirely missed by everyone else; Uhura had noticed it as well. Jim couldn't help hoping that maybe the Vulcan had somewhat forgiven him for their earlier fight, though he couldn't help but wonder what had managed to put Spock in his slightly better spirits.

"Romulans and Vulcans share a common ancestry," Spock said, his eyes somewhat sparkling. "Our cultural similarities will make it easier for me to access the ship's computer to locate the device."

Then his expression darkened. "Also, my mother was Human, which makes Earth the only home I have left."

He looked back at Jim, who had his hands on his hips. Since Jim did not meet his eyes, Spock looked on the other members of the group that had gathered, as if to appear he had been addressing them the entire time. Uhura would have smiled when the Vulcan looked particularly in her direction, but deep down she knew better. Still, it seemed to her that she was apparently seeing something the other two did not, and a somewhat interesting idea came to mind.

Jim weighed his options quickly, as if that even really meant anything, before seemingly coming to a decision within himself. He approached Spock and mildly surprised the Vulcan with his close proximity.

"I'm coming with you," Jim said.

Spock let go of the small breath he hadn't known he was holding; he wasn't sure what he had been expecting. He couldn't deny feeling a bit of warmth at seeing the softness in Jim's expression. In fact, Spock felt somewhat curious about the tenderness he noted in the other man's eyes.

"I would cite regulation..." he said. "But I know you will simply ignore it."

Jim chuckled softly and his lips quirked up a bit into a smile. He quickly forced an expression of mock-seriousness.

"See? We _are_ getting to know each other," he said.

Then for some odd reason, Jim randomly felt inspired to give the Vulcan a friendly smack on the shoulder. Perhaps he had somehow been indirectly influenced by the visions he had recently experienced of his father. Right after he did it though, Jim had walked away from Spock quickly after simultaneously realizing his action could have the chance of pissing Spock off, and Jim didn't want to stick around for the Vulcan to lose it on him again. Spock recovered from feeling shocked by Jim's abrupt action, and he lightly frowned at the other man's retreating backside. Even in this lifetime, it seemed Jim Kirk was still beyond Spock's Vulcan comprehension.

####

Jim, Spock, and Uhura entered the transporter room. Jim had no idea why Uhura had followed them, but he did not concern himself with the thought for long as his mind was on other things. Jim leaned over the dashboard where Scotty was sitting and hit a button that would allow him to communicate with Chekov and Sulu on the bridge. From his peripheral he noticed Scotty's jaw drop slightly at whatever he was seeing in front of him, but again, Jim was distracted with other things.

"Whatever happens, Mister Sulu," Jim said into the comm. "If you think you have the tactical advantage, you fire on that ship, even if we're still onboard. That's an order."

While Jim had been focused on giving his orders, Uhura approached Spock, who had already taken his place on the beaming pad. Spock looked at Uhura curiously, and Uhura smiled as she approached him. She had clasped her right hand to her left arm behind her back, in hopes that the Vulcan would infer that she wasn't trying to pull a fast one on him like last time _—_ well, not exactly, anyway.

"Permission to speak freely, Mister Spock?" she whispered, somewhat coyly.

Spock slightly raised both eyebrows.

"Of course," Spock said, just as softly. "If I may query, why are we whispering?"

Uhura smiled as she intentionally raked her fingers up Spock's chest and touched his face _—_ since their last kiss, Uhura had been doing extensive research on the subject of Vulcans and was now putting into practice what she had read about their ability to communicate through their sense of touch. Spock's jaw tightened somewhat upon feeling Uhura's mind gently nudging his own. He had to admit, it was somewhat impressive. Warily, he granted her access.

_"I presume there is something that you wish to say?"_

Uhura's seductive chuckle echoed in Spock's mind. _"Oh Spock, no need to be so cautious, I'm just trying to help."_

 _"Query,"_ Spock replied. _"How?"_

Then the woman had somewhat surprised the Vulcan again; she pushed back on him the vision he had given her from their turbolift ride. Spock could feel his cheeks slightly warming as he heard Uhura's laughter ring out through his mind; he had been unable to bar the honest emotions he felt from her upon seeing the image.

 _"It's okay,"_ her voice whispered in Spock's mind. _"I know, I understand. Just follow my lead."_

_"And what would we be doing, Miss Uhura?"_

_"Nyota,"_ Uhura said, and Spock could feel her smiling in his thoughts.

_"Pardon?"_

_"My first name is Nyota,"_ she said. _"It's something Jim's been trying to get me to tell him for years."_

She chuckled when she felt him mentally raise an eyebrow.

_"I fail to comprehend your meaning."_

_"Well,"_ she said, and Spock could feel her mentally shrug. _"Don't you want to grab a certain blue-eyed beauty's attention?"_

Spock was a bit confused. _"I'm afraid I don't understand. Miss Uhura, I _—_ "_

 _"Nyota,"_ she said to him again. _"Nyota, now just say it."_

 _"...Nyota,"_ Spock repeated. _"Nyota I _—_ "_

 _"Shhh!"_ Nyota said. _"He's about to come over! He's on his way now, so listen _—_!"_

And then Uhura, at full force, was able to convey to him just what exactly it was she thought they should be doing. Spock found himself feeling somewhat curious about her plan.

 _"I must admit, I do not understand the relevance,"_ Spock said as Uhura showed him an episode of some television soap opera that apparently some human women followed religiously. _"And while I am indeed intrigued, I am hesitant to take advantage _—_ "_

 _"I appreciate your concern, but rest assured, you won't be. Now, just trust me,"_ said Uhura. _"Don't worry, it's not like we'll be really kissing, anyway. We'll only act it out. _Now, let's give our captain a show _!__ "_

And with that, Spock gently pulled Uhura's hand from his face. Using the images of the soap opera Uhura had just projected to him as a reference, he rested his right hand to against Uhura's hip as he heard Jim's footsteps approaching them. To the close observer, anyone would have seen that they were only lightly pressing their lips together. Spock had been mildly amused by _ _—__ and agreed with _ _—__ Uhura's sentiment that Jim would be too shocked by the sight to properly notice the details.

The whole thing was rather beneath him, Spock mused, and yet, he couldn't help the fact that he was actually somewhat enjoying himself. He didn't know why, but being able to make the blonde squirm in this fashion was almost as satisfying as whenever he was shooting down the other man's attempts at logic.

Neither saw the look of bewilderment on the captain's face, but they didn't have to—they knew Jim would react predictably. Spock could almost feel Uhura trying to nudge his mind before they broke apart, as if she were saying, _"Now come on, you know what to do..."_

And it took all their strength not to laugh when they did part, just as Jim turned his gaze away from them. A stormy look formed on his face. Spock had to keep his eyes closed at first.

"I will be back," he whispered to her, mimicking the exact line from the episode.

Uhura pulled back from him, looking into his eyes.

"You better be," Uhura said rather over dramatically.

Uhura's face quivered as she tried to keep her laughter bottled in while at the same time attempting to appear tearful. "I'll be monitoring your frequency."

Even Spock had to hide his amusement with a slight frown and a nod.

" _Thank_ _you_ , Nyota," he whispered quickly.

The look of displeasure on Jim's face increased in its intensity.

 _"What the fuck?"_ he thought.

Uhura gave Spock one last kiss for good measure and much like the last time, this one was slightly deeper as they made one last quick exchange of words.

 _"You're welcome_ ," said Uhura.

_"_ _I am afraid that I still do not completely understand, but I suppose I shall preemptively give you my thanks."_

_"You will understand,_ _"_ Uhura said, and Spock heard her laughter in his mind again. _"I promise you, eventually, you will. You both will."_

_"Lieutenant Uhura..."_

_"Spock! Shh...it's all right. We shall be good friends at least, won't we?"_

_"...Yes."_

_"Good. Now you make sure that you come on back in one piece."  
_

Then they broke apart and Spock could no longer seem to look anywhere else but the floor, partially to keep from laughing and also partially because he was trying to understand the meaning behind Uhura's last words. Uhura then gave Jim a rather bold glare, enjoying a little at how uncomfortable Jim looked before walking off of the beaming pad. If Uhura was going to give up, she was going to do it gracefully and leave with a bang. After all, she had her womanly honor to protect. What better parting gift than a lasting impression?

She winked at Scotty as she was leaving the room. Scotty's jaw had dropped at some point while watching everything happen, and he couldn't help but follow Uhura with his eyes until she was gone from the room, his mouth still agape. Once outside, Uhura walked a few steps and then leaned her back against one of the walls. She let out a small, bittersweet sigh. She was torn between wanting to laugh out loud and lifting her hands to her face to cry. She settled on neither, and after recovering herself, resumed walking down the hall with a tiny smile on her face.

 _"Um, okay...right then,"_ Scotty thought as he tried to return his focus to the transporter's controls. _"Wow! My kind of woman!"_

"So her first name's Nyota?" Jim asked quickly, his face turned red from the conflicting emotions warring within his chest.

Spock looked at him.

"I have no comment on the matter," he replied, somewhat smugly.

Upon noticing that Jim would not make eye contact with him, however, a tiny part of Spock wondered if perhaps he had allowed the joke to go too far. Sensing the tension, Scotty chirped in.

"Okie-dokey then... If there's any common sense in the design of the enemy ship, I should be putting you somewhere in the cargo bay. There shouldn't be a soul in sight."

He wasn't surprised when Jim didn't respond with one of his usual cheeky remarks like, "what if you're wrong?" Or something along those lines. Instead, he just gave Scotty a somewhat tense, one-word command.

"Energize!"

Then Scotty pressed a button, and both acting captain and Vulcan were beamed onto the Romulan ship.

####

Just their luck _—_ or maybe, just _Jim's_ luck _—_ the Romulan's engineering room had been, of course, filled with Romulans. Spock and Jim had immediately come under fire, and the two of them had to fight off a number of Romulans for a while before things somewhat quieted down for them. Eventually Spock was able to locate where Nero had stored the red matter, as well as the whereabouts of Captain Pike from the mind of an unconscious Romulan. They had found the elder Spock's vessel, containing the red matter, first.

"I foresee a complication," said Spock as they took a look around. "The design of this ship is far more advanced than I've anticipated."

_"Voice print and face recognition analysis enabled. Welcome back, Ambassador Spock."_

Both men looked up at the ship's ceiling and Jim felt his jaw slowly drop.

 _"Oh crap,"_ he thought. _"That old man_ _—_ _the other Spock _—_ whatever! He didn't tell me about this! Isn't Spock not supposed to know about this? Shit, shit, shit!"_

Jim looked somewhat awkwardly at Spock, who was still staring upward.

"Wow, um...that's weird," he said, feigning innocence as he walked into a different part of the ship.

Spock drew up a theory rather quickly.

"Computer," he said. "What is your manufacturing origin?"

 _"Stardate twenty-three eighty-seven. Commissioned by the Vulcan Science Academy,"_ the ship responded.

So now he had more pieces of the puzzle, but Spock was still mentally working out how they all fit together. He marched into the next compartment, where he saw Jim pretending to be interested in the view outside.

"It appears that you have been keeping important information from me," Spock said.

Jim turned around and soon they were facing each other in close proximity. Jim continued to pretend as if he didn't really know anything, even knowing Spock could see right through him.

"You'll be able to fly this thing, right?" he asked.

Spock nodded once. "Something tells me I already have."

"Good luck," Jim said, and he began to walk away.

"Jim," Spock said.

Jim turned around. There was something Spock wanted to tell the other man, but he wasn't sure how he could without letting on that he was beginning to care for Jim.

"The statistical likelihood that our plan will succeed is less than four point three percent," he tried.

The other man reacted unfavorably. Jim just flashed him one of his trademark, cheeky smiles and said, "It'll work."

So Spock decided he would attempt a more subliminal tactic.

"In the event that I do not return, please tell Lieutenant Uhura..."

The decision was a mistake, Spock realized too late as the smile on Jim's instantly faded. The Vulcan had thought that based on how consistently Jim tried to live by his morals, he would at least have honored the request of listening to Spock's last words, which would have really been meant for Jim. He hadn't anticipated that Jim would cut him off.

" _Spock_!" Jim said in more of a reassuring whisper, nodding his head. "It'll work."

Then Jim had left and Spock didn't try to stop the other man again because he knew that the blonde was no longer in a listening mood. He watched Jim until the other man disappeared from sight, then he sat down on the pilot's chair. By doing so, the chair automatically swiveled him around to face some controls.

"Fascinating," he said to himself.

As for Jim, he ran out a safe distance from the craft before turning to look up. He waited until he saw Spock successfully launch the ship and fly away.

 _"You'd better stay alive and come back on board the Enterprise in one piece, you pointy-eared bastard,"_ Jim thought to himself. _"Or I'll find a way to revive you and kill you again myself!"_

Jim then turned and ran back down the tunnel they had come out of earlier. He had to retrieve Captain Pike.

####

Jim couldn't believe it. Scotty had managed to beam all three of them _—_ Spock, Captain Pike, and himself _—_ back safely aboard the Enterprise. After Jim had checked his surroundings to make sure he really was where he hoped he was, he had instinctively looked to his left, where he knew Spock should be. He was unable to contain his excitement upon seeing that the Vulcan had arrived safely too. He missed the Vulcan having immediately checked for him as well, because he had looked away when he sensed Jim was turning his head. Jim flashed Scotty one of his brightest smiles as Spock strode quickly off the pad.

"Nice timing, Scotty!"

Scotty was as equally excited as Jim.

"Ha ha ha ha!" he said, gesturing expressively with his hands. "I've never beamed _three_ people from _two_ targets onto _one_ pad before!"

Jim had Captain Pike on his shoulder and was planning on helping the other man to the medical bay, when suddenly McCoy and several other assisting medics rushed into the transporter room to meet them.

"Jim!" McCoy cried.

"Bones!" Jim responded.

McCoy took Captain Pike from Jim. "I've got him!"

Jim then wasted no time rushing to the bridge, meeting Spock along the way. They entered the bridge together. Chekov smiled widely upon seeing both men.

"Captin! The enemy ship is losing power. Their shields are down, sir."

Jim was pleased.

"Hail them now," he said, eyes narrowed.

" _Aye_ ," Chekov replied, more than happy to oblige.

Before he had been beamed to safety, Spock had sent his other self's futuristic ship onto a collision course towards the Romulan vessel. When it successfully collided, it caused the casing that had been protecting the red matter in the ship's hull to break, scattering the red mass. Pieces of red matter began ramming together, and the force of it created a giant black hole that was beginning to destroy the Romulan ship as well as consume anything within reach. During the chaos, Captain Nero of the Romulans went to his seat and accepted the Enterprise's invitation for communication. Nero's face soon flickered onto their screen.

"This is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise," Jim said quickly. "Your ship is compromised. You're too close to the singularity to provide assistance, which we will provide."

Spock had been mildly surprised when the blonde man offered up their assistance to the Romulans. He had fully expected Jim to be, well, more like himself. After all, even Spock had eventually come to admit feelings of rage against Nero for having taken the life of his mother. Providing means for assistance may have been a logical gesture, but Jim was hardly logical. The man continued to baffle him.

The Vulcan turned his back from the screen and spoke softly in Jim's ear. "Captain, what are you doing?"

The Romulan was silent; perhaps he had been considering the proposal. Jim also turned around and faced Spock.

"You show them compassion may be the only way to earn peace with Romulus," he whispered back. "It's logic, Spock. Thought you'd like that."

Upon hearing Jim's reasoning, Spock had to admit he felt somewhat touched. In this case though, he found the gesture to be unnecessary.

"No, not really," he said to the blonde. "Not this time."

There was a chance the Romulan interpreted the body language of the two men as they spoke to be holding a conversation that was not for the Romulan's best interest, which would explain why he said what he did next, and with defiance.

"I would rather suffer the end of Romulus a thousand times. I would rather die in _agony_ than accept assistance from you!"

Jim half-smiled.

"You got it," he said somewhat quietly.

He and Spock then went in opposite directions; Spock to some controls, and Jim to the captain's chair.

"Arm phasers, fire everything we got," he ordered.

"Yes, sir," said Sulu, tapping at a few buttons on his console.

The ship began firing at the Romulan vessel as it was being swallowed by the black hole. They all watched until the ship had been completely swallowed. The Enterprise's warning signal began flashing on the main view screen, accompanied by the chorus of alarm bells. Jim wasted no time giving his next order.

"Sulu, let's go home!"

"Yes, sir!" Sulu responded, and he and Chekov began punching buttons on the switchboard in front of them somewhat frantically.

Jim began to feel a little nervous as the black hole continued to try sucking in the Enterprise.

"Why aren't we at warp?" he asked.

"We are, sir!" Chekov said.

Jim pressed a button on the captain's chair. "Kirk to engineering. Get us out of here, Scotty!"

 _"You bet your arse, Captain!"_ came Scotty's voice over the comm. _"Captain, we're caught! The gravity well has got us!"_

"Go to maximum warp!" Jim shouted back. "Push it!"

_"I'm giving her all she's got, Captain!"_

Jim's mouth went a little dry as he saw cracks appearing on the ship's bridge. He mentally cursed at himself for not having considered keeping the ship a safer distance away from the black hole while they had been talking to the Romulan.

"All she's got isn't good enough!" Jim said fiercely and somewhat stubbornly. "What else you got?"

 _"Um...! Okay! Uh... If we eject the core and detonate, the blast could be enough to push us away! I cannae promise anything, though!"_ Scotty said, his accent getting somewhat thicker due to his nervousness. _  
_

"Do it! Do it! Do it!" Jim ordered forcefully.

His heart pounded loudly in his ears. Jim had never felt so nervous in his life. He was not averse to sacrificing himself, if absolutely necessary, but he _would not_ allow for the death of anyone on his crew _—_ not if he had anything to say about it. He was truly his father's son.

For a minute, nothing good seemed to be happening. Jim watched as Scotty had multiple warp cores launched into the vacuum, and he prayed that Scotty's long-shot idea would work. He did not have to worry for long. The cores combusted, most likely due to the force of the black hole's suction, and soon the Enterprise was being thrust forcefully forward, just as Scotty had said it would if the plan worked. Everyone watched the view screen in silent anticipation. Soon, they were free of the black hole's clutches.

Relief flooded the crew members aboard the bridge. Jim suddenly relaxed his posture, breathing heavily. They made it, just barely. Jim felt his heart pumping hard against his ribcage from the adrenaline. He slowly turned around in his chair to face Spock, and he was quite pleased to have the Vulcan's nod of approval. He couldn't stop the huge smile that spread across his face. He exchanged a grin with Sulu, who chuckled and glanced over at Chekov, who also laughed in relief. Jim continued laughing to himself. His laughter soon subsided into soft gasps of relief and his expression transformed briefly into one of slight disbelief at what they had accomplished. Finally, Jim settled into a small grin as the Enterprise continued en route back to Starfleet.

####

Spock had been pacing about Starfleet's ship bay when he thought he saw his father and called out to him. He was surprised to see that it wasn't, when the other Vulcan turned around to face him. Some more of the puzzle he had been trying to piece together in his mind began falling into place as he began to realize why the man's face looked so familiar; it was an older version of his same face.

"I am not our father," his future self said, the other man's words confirming Spock's theory. "There are so few Vulcans left, we cannot afford to ignore each other."

Spock noted with some interest that his future self appeared to be far more comfortable with showing human-like expressions than he was. He wondered if he would one day develop the same ability for openness. _Again_ , as it were. The two of them approached each other.

"Then why did you send Kirk aboard, when you alone could have explained the truth?" Spock asked.

"Because, you needed each other," replied his future self.

Spock felt himself frowning a bit at those words. Ironically, he was finding himself to be a bit cryptic.

"I could not deprive you of the revelation of all that you could accomplish together," the other continued. "Of a friendship, that would define you both, in ways you cannot yet realize."

Spock decided he would have to meditate on this later. If this truly was himself, and the likelihood was high, he knew that he would be needing to discover the meaning of his other self's words on his own. Spock knew it was illogical to try living by a script. At the same time, this explained some of the reasoning behind several of Jim's questionable actions, and therefore brought up a new question.

"How did you persuade him to keep your secret?" he asked his older self.

"He inferred that universe-ending paradoxes would ensue should he break his promise," the other him replied, and Spock mentally raised an eyebrow at the tone that was used.

Did he just joke with himself? Interesting. Furthermore, it would seem that his future self had been greatly influenced by a certain someone.

"You lied," Spock said.

"Oh..." his other self said, somewhat rolling his eyes. "I... I implied!"

His future self gave him a slight shrug.

"A gamble...!" Spock said, somewhat amusedly.

"An act of faith," his other self corrected. "One I hope that you will repeat in the future at Starfleet."

"In the face of extinction, it is only logical I resign my Starfleet commission and help rebuild our race," Spock responded automatically, even though something told him he was making a fool of himself in front of himself.

Seriously, he almost couldn't get over the irony. He was glad no one else was around to witness this particular conversation.

"And yet, you can be in two places at once," his future self said, eyes somewhat twinkling. "I urge you to remain in Starfleet. I have already located a suitable planet on which to establish a Vulcan colony."

Spock considered this piece of advice. It would seem his other self was convincing him to "cheat" yet again. It would also appear that Jim Kirk had the fascinating ability to somehow transcend all over space and time with his unique existence.

"Spock, in this case, do yourself a favor. Put aside logic," his future self advised. "Do what feels right."

Spock was even more surprised. Apparently he was giving himself advice from the future _—_ perhaps because he must have deeply regretted something other than being unable to save Romulus. How very human of him, and yet, Spock couldn't help but feel somewhat grateful his future self was. His father's words from when he had attempted to comfort Spock after his mother's death were now making a little more sense. Before he could ask any more questions, his future self began to walk away from him.

After a few steps, his other self turned to Spock in order to say a few last words.

"Since my customary farewell would appear oddly self-serving," he said, holding up a hand in customary Vulcan greeting. "I shall simply say... _good luck_."

And Spock did indeed feel pretty silly for doing it, but he lifted up the opposite hand from what his other self was using and returned the same gesture, and couldn't resist raising an eyebrow as he did this. Self-serving indeed. He slowly lowered his hand as his future self walked away and found himself pondering over his own words.

 _Oh_ , the _irony_. Seriously.


	6. Academic Council, Again...Sort Of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand we've finally made it! Last of the film-heavy chapters before moving on to the (hopefully) more exciting stuff! Yay!

_Chapter V: Academic Council, Again...Sort Of_

When Spock first reentered his dorm room, he had been mildly surprised at how foreign it all felt to him. Though he had been on the Enterprise for only a few weeks, Spock somehow felt like it had been years since he had last been in his dormitory, and he realized that at some point, he had unknowingly begun to call the Enterprise home.

He walked around his dorm, gently fingering certain objects, most of which reminded him of his late mother. Exhausted, Spock decided to remedy this by meditating. Spock had been meditating on the floor of his bedroom when he was suddenly interrupted by a knock at the front door. Spock went to answer it and raised an eyebrow at a messenger who handed him a slip. He read it after they had gone. It was an announcement stating that he was invited to attend another academic council meeting that would be held the next morning. The purpose of the meeting would be to both recognize the promotion of and celebrate James Tiberius Kirk as the new captain of the USS Enterprise.

The official residing over the meeting would once again be Admiral Richard B. Barnett. Spock couldn't help but feel the corners of his mouth twitch up into a smile as he couldn't help but to think, _"How fitting."_

####

Jim was a little ashamed to admit that he was sweating, somewhat uncontrollably, because he was incredibly nervous. Spock watched, with some amusement, as Jim began shaking out his body in hopes of calming his nerves. Jim then turned and stopped midway in cracking his neck, because he had noticed Spock standing there. A bit of an awkward silence fell between them _—_ Jim was still a little unsure where he stood with the Vulcan. Not to mention, he was still under the impression that there was something special going on between Spock and Lieutenant Uhura.

"Oh, um...hey," Jim said with a somewhat sheepish smile.

Spock found himself feeling a little uncomfortable himself. "Greetings."

"So, uh..." Jim rubbed the back of his neck. "Are you here um...here to, you know...erm _—_ "

"Affirmative," Spock said, nodding. "I plan to attend the ceremony."

Jim brightened somewhat. "Really? That's...that's great!"

More silence.

"So, uh... _yeah_. I guess I should get going inside!" Jim said finally.

Spock just nodded again, unsure of how else to react. He had initially meant to give Jim his utmost congratulations, but somehow the conversation hadn't gone the way he had planned.

"Okay, great! See you later," Jim said before quickly ducking away.

Spock blinked as Jim disappeared through the double-doors of the same lecture hall where they had confronted each other for the first time. It registered that he had also been unable to bring up the subject of applying for the position of First Officer aboard what was now Jim's ship. However, he supposed that he would just they could discuss it later. There was still some time.

####

Admiral Barnett's tone was significantly friendlier than it had been the first time he had dealt with Jim as he opened the hearing.

"This assembly calls _Captain_ James Tiberius Kirk," he said. "Your inspirational valor and supreme dedication to your comrades is in keeping with the highest traditions of service, and to reflect utmost credit to yourself, your crew, and the Federation, it is my honor to award you with this commendation."

Jim felt his lips slowly curl into a somewhat sentimental smile. If only his dad were here now, too. Would George Kirk Sr. have been just as proud of his son, even though he hadn't accomplished the same things he apparently had in the other version of his life? Jim hoped so.

His posture straight, he humbly accepted the commendation from the admiral, which was pinned to his uniform. Jim then shook hands with the Admiral Bartnett.

"By Starfleet Order two-eight four five five, you are hereby directed to report to Admiral Pike, USS Enterprise, for duty as his relief."

Jim walked over to his former captain, who was seated in a wheelchair.

"I relieve you sir," he said.

Christopher Pike smiled at him. "I am relieved."

Jim slightly smiled at the man's light play on words. He gave his captain a quick nod.

"Thank you, sir."

"Congratulations, Captain," said Christopher Pike.

Jim couldn't help but to glow at those words. The two men shook hands.

"Your father would be proud," Christopher Pike said.

His words meant very much to Jim, who took them to heart. He turned to the crowd of his peers who were now clapping and smiled numbly at them; part of him couldn't believe this was actually happening, that his peers were actually cheering and not jeering at him. Jim scanned the room and was able to pick Spock out of the crowd, who nodded at him in approval. He didn't notice that Spock's future self was also present, looking down at him from a balcony with the same approving nod.

Jim couldn't wait to get back on board the Enterprise.

####

"Engineering thrusters and impulse engines at your command, sir," said Sulu, who pressed a few buttons on his dashboard before turning to glance over at Chekov.

"Weapons systems and chutes on standby," the Russian said cheerfully, unintentionally missing the Asian man's stares.

Uhura swiveled around in her chair.

"Dock control reports ready, _Captain_ ," she said with a respectful nod, the tone of the emphasis she placed on that last word also being much friendlier than it had been in the past.

Jim, who had been standing at the top of the bridge, stepped down into it with a smile. He looked around at his crew members, looking slightly more official in his new captain's uniform. His eyes stopped on his friend McCoy and smiled.

"Bones! _Buckle up_ ," he said with a very immature expression on his face.

He clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder as he passed by. He didn't see the expression that McCoy made, which seemed to say _"unbelievable."_

Jim settled into what was now _really_ his chair, and pressed a button accessing the comm-link to the engineering room.

"Scotty," he said. "How we doin'?"

_"Dilithium chambers at maximum, Captain."_

_"Excellent,"_ Jim thought.

He addressed Hikaru Sulu, who was awaiting his orders.

"Mr. Sulu," he said. "Prepare to engage thrusters."

Sulu turned to his console and began pressing a few buttons. Just then there was a sound of the turbolift opening and all eyes, including Jim's, immediately darted over to it. A smile spread across Jim's face upon seeing Spock standing there, hands clasped behind his back and posture straight, in the usual fashion.

"Permission to come aboard, Captain?"

"Permission granted," Jim said, still smiling.

Spock gave him a small nod, and began to step towards him.

"As you have yet to select a First Officer," he began as Jim got up from his seat. "Respectfully, I would like to submit my candidacy."

Spock was soon within a close, yet professional, distance from the captain.

"Should you desire, I can provide character references," he concluded.

"It would be my honor, Commander," said Jim, instantly squashing the practically non-existent shred of doubt that had been within Spock.

The Vulcan then broke eye contact with the blonde and quickly walked away to his post. Jim stood still for a moment as Spock passed, and he felt his face flush when he felt the stares of several crew members on the bridge. Thankfully, he had quickly snapped out of his daze, realizing he needed to stop just standing there. He looked over at Sulu once again, who was looking at Jim with a huge smile on his face.

"Maneuvering thrusters, Mr. Sulu," Jim said before settling back down into his seat.

"Thrusters on standby!" said Sulu.

Spock passed by Uhura, giving her an acknowledging glance as he passed by her. Uhura smiled affectionately at the Vulcan's backside, somewhat chuckling to herself as she followed after Spock, whom she now was somewhat more easily able to see as a good friend.

Jim Kirk, now _Captain_ Kirk, leaned back comfortably in his seat. "Take us out."

"Aye aye, Captain," Sulu replied.

And then the USS Enterprise set off on what would be the beginning of a new set of adventures.

####

Ten minutes later, the ship's captain and First Officer were already butting heads and arguing about the ship's next destination.

"The Federation has requested that we stop by Planet Hyperion. We are to pick up a weapons parcel and transport it to Starfleet."

"Is it urgent?"

"It's classified as a standard mission."

"Boring! Isn't there something more exciting on the list?"

"All missions have been listed in order according to the path of our trajectory."

"What about distress signals? Don't they take priority or something?"

"That is correct; however, the Enterprise is still considered by the Federation as a fairly new ship with a young captain and somewhat novice crew."

"Okay...? So what?"

"Unless the Enterprise finds herself within immediate range of the danger, she is classified as being on reserve military duties."

"That's bullshit! You're telling me that the Federation doesn't acknowledge us as a fully functioning, fully capable crew? Even after what we've accomplished with the Romulan attacks?"

"At that time we were given the assignment as an exception. We also had an admiral on board who was seasoned in combat, available to mentor the crew and guide the ship. Furthermore—"

"All right, all right! Fine! Do we at least receive reports of distress signals, even if it's not our job to handle them?"

"Affirmative."

"Great! Look 'em up, Spock! Let's see where they are!"

"I fail to see the purpose behind your question."

"Well if we know where they _are,_ then we can, you know, get within _close proximity_."

"It would be unwise to place the lives of the crew unnecessarily at risk."

"...Touché. All right, well can we at least do the missions out of order?"

"That would be most illogical, Captain."

"Aw, _c'mon_!"

McCoy popped an aspirin and tried to concentrate on the screen in front of him. He was only half-listening, but apparently they had come to some sort of agreement about where the ship was headed and now they were bickering about a completely irrelevant topic; something about how holidays would be celebrated on the ship. Trust Jim to just bounce from one topic to another, not that Spock really seemed to mind _—_ and that was the other thing, the doctor just couldn't seem to wrap his head around why the Vulcan even indulged the blonde. Then again, he supposed everything was peachy so long as those two kept him out of it. Still, the doctor couldn't help but let out a small sigh and shake his head, continuing to vaguely catch bits and pieces of captain and Vulcan arguing over various things in the background.

 _"Oh yeah,"_ McCoy thought to himself sarcastically. _"This is going to be one hell of a long ride."_


	7. Late Night Insomnia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Augh! I don't know how this happened, but the original chapter of this that I wrote completely disappeared! FFnet repeated my chapter 5 twice. Unfortunately, this was one of those chapters I just didn't back up, so it's completely gone...hope my rewrite of this was as good as the original because I can't remember how I wrote this the first time. Sorry everyone!

_Chapter VI: Late Night Insomnia_

Jim was now about a week into his third month as captain of the USS Enterprise, and he felt extremely restless. The novelty of being captain of his own ship had quickly worn off, and now Jim was really feeling the effects. He hadn't slept in three days, and as exhausted as he was, even now Jim couldn't seem to fall asleep.

Part of the problem was boredom. For the last two months the Enterprise had been limited to performing only the most menial of tasks for the Federation. The Enterprise's success with the Romulan attacks were viewed by the Federation as nothing more than beginner's luck, and therefore the ship was still subject to the three-year probational period that was mandatory for all new vessels. It was something that really irritated Jim, because he couldn't understand how transporting cargo or providing rides to ambassadors from one planet to another could prepare them for combat any better than just jumping into the action could; it was like being a cadet all over again. The biggest problem with standard-level missions was that they drove Jim absolutely crazy because they were always so routine and predictable.

One thing most people didn't seem to get about Jim, not even his best friend McCoy, was Jim's constant need to be doing something. Because if Jim wasn't doing something, then that meant he would actually get some time to think. And contrary to popular opinion, that was probably the worst thing that Jim could be doing. Jim was just one of those rare people that functioned best when taking risks and doing things spontaneously. Unfortunately, these missions that the Federation was sending them on hardly served as a proper distraction for Jim, which led to the other half of his problem.

At first, Jim had successfully been able to keep certain undesirable thoughts at bay. He had still been on his adrenaline high about being captain for the ship's first month in space, so even the fact that they were pretty much doing mindless work hadn't bothered Jim too much. The second month though, that had been a little tough. Little by little, thoughts that Jim had been avoiding were beginning to trickle in through the cracks in the wall he had formed in his mind, in attempts to bar them. Thoughts surrounding a certain Vulcan.

Jim let out a sigh and blearily looked at the clock on his nightstand. He groaned inwardly upon seeing that it was 3am. Alpha shift would be starting in approximately five hours. In fact, Jim had a little less time than that because he always got up an hour earlier to get ready. After a few more minutes he gave up trying to go to sleep and sat up in his bed.

_"Computer. Lights. Sixty-percent."_

There was a low whirring sound and soon the room became dimly lit with a warm glow. Jim took a second to allow his eyes to adjust and then got out of bed. He walked over to his fridge and pulled out a beer. Jim didn't usually drink before his captaining duties, but tonight he was making an exception. He sat down on his couch, popped open the can, and took a sip of his drink while he brooded in his thoughts. He didn't know exactly when, but at some point his little crush on his first officer had developed into something that was on the borderline of being classified as an unhealthy obsession.

After several minutes of trying to distract himself with thoughts other than a certain Vulcan, without much success, the effects of the beer slowly started to kick in. Jim chuckled to himself when he felt a familiar buzzing sensation creep up on him from the beer. He wasn't normally a lightweight, but it appeared his state of fatigue was making him more easily affected. As his eyes began to grow heavy, Jim wondered why he didn't think to try drinking before to get himself to go to sleep.

####

The next morning, Jim bolted awake to the sound of his alarm. He crashed unceremoniously onto his floor and smacked his head on the edge of the table that was next to the couch.

"Ow, shit!" Jim said as he quickly put a hand to his head. " _Damn_ that hurts!"

He muttered a few more expletives when he took his hand away and looked down at it, seeing blood. Jim stumbled over to his bathroom so that he could wash out the cut. Despite the sharp wake-up call, Jim still felt pretty groggy. In fact, he actually felt even more tired than he had been prior to falling asleep. He made a mental note to not give into exhaustion in the future and to just tough things out unless he had ample time to rest.

He sped up in his usual morning routine of getting ready so that he would have enough time to see Bones before Alpha shift.

####

Jim winced as McCoy disinfected the cut on his forehead. "Easy, Bones."

"Geezus, Jim," McCoy grumbled. "How did this happen, anyway?"

"Forgot I was sleeping on the couch last night."

"What, you have a lady friend over or something?"

"Ha _ha_ , very funny."

"Hey," McCoy said with a slight shrug. "You know I'm not going to judge you for your extracurricular activities. Just don't let it interfere with your captain's duties."

"Look, it's not what you think, all right?" Jim said with irritation.

"All right, all right," said McCoy. "Relax."

Jim let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "Listen Bones, I'm sorry. I've just been tired lately. Haven't exactly been getting enough sleep."

"Anything you want to talk about?" McCoy asked. "Need some sleeping pills?"

"Nah, I've just got a lot on my mind, that's all," said Jim. "Might take you up on the other offer though."

"Sounds like a plan. And thinking? You? I never would have guessed," McCoy said with a chuckle.

"Okay, wise ass," said Jim, swinging his legs before jumping off the medical bed he had been on. "That's enough from the peanut gallery. I'm going to head for the bridge—I'm already pretty late."

"All right, but listen," said McCoy. "Just remember if you want to talk about it, I'm here."

"Yeah, I know," Jim said with a grateful smile. "Thanks, Bones."

"Don't mention it."

####

There was a heavy silence on the bridge. None of the crew members had said anything when their captain showed up twenty minutes behind schedule. As soon as he arrived, Jim had made a beeline for his chair, gave out a few general orders, and then proceeded to enter a state of quiet brooding. The fact remained that Jim was still quite dissatisfied with being assigned the lowliest of Federation missions in addition to the rather bumpy start to his morning. It was abnormal for him not to be jovial, so on the rare occasions where he wasn't, the crew for the most part knew better than to disturb him with any trivial matters. Only Spock seemed to be completely unaware of the captain's foul mood.

"Captain," Spock said, approaching Jim. "It would seem that you have been neglecting several of your responsibilities—"

"Mm- _mm_!"

Spock raised an eyebrow at Sulu, who gave the Vulcan commander what seemed like a warning look before turning himself around to face his dashboard. He cleared his throat and tried again.

"As your First Officer, I find it necessary to remind you that as captain of this vessel—"

"Aaah... _aaa-haaa_!" Chekov sneezed.

He shrugged when Spock looked questioningly in his direction.

"Allergies," he said as he turned back to his work.

If one observed him closely, they may have noticed the lightest frown forming on the Vulcan's features. For the most part though, he still had his facial expressions in check. He tried again once more.

"It is imperative that you make every effort—"

"Hm- _hmm_!"

Spock looked over at Uhura, who gave the Vulcan a sideways glance and tapped at her forehead. He also noticed Uhura's eyes briefly flit over in Jim's direction, so Spock followed her gaze. It was then for the first time that he noticed the bandage on Jim's forehead. _Oh_.

Jim looked up at Spock with an odd expression. "You all right? Maybe you should give Bones a visit. You seem like you're having trouble finishing your sentences."

"I am perfectly fine, Captain," Spock said dryly. "I was just momentarily distracted."

"Distracted? You?" Jim said with a raised eyebrow. "That's a little uncharacteristic, don't you think?"

"Indeed..." Spock said, unamused.

"Seriously, maybe you really should have Bones check you over," said Jim.

"I don't think that will be necessary."

"Suit yourself," Jim said as he rose from his seat. "Listen, I'm going to go take a break for a while. You can handle things in here while I'm gone, can't you?"

"Yes, however—"

"Great," Jim said, cutting the Vulcan off. "I'll see you in a little bit."

Before Spock could protest any further, Jim quickly strode out of the bridge. After the door slid shut behind the blonde captain, Spock scanned the faces of the people in the room, hands clasped behind his back and his eyebrow arched.

"It would appear that an explanation is in order," he said.

"If you haven't noticed sir, Captain Kirk hasn't exactly been himself for a few days at least," said Sulu.

"Perhaps you may vant to do as Keptin suggested," Chekov chimed in. "Go see ze doctor."

Spock turned to face the young Russian, who gave him a small shrug.

"Zey are good friends," Chekov continued. "Perhaps he can tell you something."

The Vulcan considered the two men's words before speaking once more. "Very well. You make a good point, Ensign. Mr. Sulu, you are to oversee things here for the moment."

"Yes, sir!"

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Spock said.

He gave the helmsman a curt nod before stepping out of the bridge.

####

McCoy was less than amused upon Spock entering his medical bay. He eyed the Vulcan warily.

"What is it you want?" he asked.

Spock's lips pressed into a firm line. "I would take care not to address me in such a casual tone, Doctor."

McCoy sighed. "Very well, _Commander_. Is there something I can help you with?"

"There is, in fact," said Spock. "Several members of the crew seem to believe you to have pertinent information regarding our captain's current irregularities in behavior."

"Ah, well, even if I did," said McCoy. "I am unfortunately not permitted to disclose that information, as it breaches the doctor-patient confidentiality code."

"Yes, of course," said Spock. "I understand; however, if it so happens that our captain is emotionally compromised—"

"Now, hold on a minute," McCoy said with a frown. "Jim isn't emotionally compromised, he's just tired is all. He told me earlier this morning that he hasn't been getting much sleep these past few days."

"I see. Well, thank you, Doctor," said Spock. "I believe you have told me everything that I need to know."

"Wait, what?" McCoy said as Spock started to leave the room. "Dammit, Spock!"

The Vulcan paid no attention to the doctor's stream of curses as he left the medical bay. He had more important things on his mind.

####

Back on Earth, if Jim had been feeling as restless as he was that evening, he may have gone out for a run. Unfortunately, the hallways of the Enterprise weren't exactly meant for late-night jogs. After tossing and turning in his bed for a few hours, he got up and made his way over to the fridge to grab a beer, hoping that he would get the same results as the night before. He finished off his third can before he decided to stop, not wanting to wake up the next morning with a hangover or worse yet, cause whispers to start about him turning into an alcoholic.

Finally, after dumping the empty cans into the trash, Jim went to his closet and fished out one of his casual civilian outfits. He chose a pair of black sweatpants and a gray hood, changing into them before leaving his quarters.

Since it was technically nighttime, the hallway lights were dimmed down to the lowest setting they could possibly be without cutting off all visibility. In space, there was no natural sense of day or night, as outer space was always dark, so this was one of the ways the ship compensated.

Jim decided he would go to the bridge. He knew there would be a few people present for the graveyard shift, the second half of the late evening watch. In the past few years, events of interest seldom took place during Delta shift, which was why only a handful were assigned to the post. Knowing the bridge would be the only place a group of more than two or three people would be gathered that late at night, Jim figured it was a good a place as any to spend his sleepless hours.

On his way there, he ran into his commander. Ever the efficient Vulcan and First Officer, Spock had gone outside of his expected responsibilities and done his personal routine check of those currently working on the bridge. While he did not let it show, he was somewhat surprised to see Jim at first, but then he recalled what the doctor had told him earlier regarding Jim.

"Something the matter, Captain?" Spock asked with the slight tilt of his head. "It is most unusual to see you this late in the evening."

"Oh, yeah, I guess so," Jim said, sheepishly lifting a hand to his neck and rubbing it. "It's nothing really, I've just been having trouble sleeping lately. Thought spending some time on the bridge might help."

"A logical conclusion," Spock said, nodding once in approval. "If I may though, Captain, perhaps suggest another alternative?"

Jim blinked. "Uh...sure, Spock. What did you have in mind?"

"While Vulcans usually do not struggle with routine practices such as meditation and sleeping, every once in a while we do experience some difficulties," said Spock. "In cases where sleep seems to evade the individual, it has been discovered that performing tasks that exercise the mind have been found to be most useful in remedying the issue."

"Mind exercises?" Jim said with a slight frown. "No offense to your Vulcan culture, but that sounds awful."

"Perhaps it does, to the carefree individual," said Spock. "All the more reason why I can assure you in its effectiveness."

Jim didn't say anything for a few moments as he silently weighed his options. Finally, he let out a sigh before responding.

"All right, well I guess it wouldn't hurt to try," he said. "I've pretty much tried everything else anyway."

"Very good, Captain," Spock said with an approving nod.

"So what exactly are you thinking?" Jim asked.

"There is a popular human game that is very similar to one played on Vulcan," said Spock. "In fact, it is safe to say that it is a rather simplified version of it."

"Yeah, and what game's that?"

"I believe it is called chess," Spock said, clasping his hands behind his back. "I trust you've played it before?"

"Yeah, actually, I have," said Jim. "Haven't played it in a while though; I'm a little rusty."

"Then perhaps this could be the perfect time to polish those skills," said Spock.

Jim smiled slightly. "Oh, I'm sure I could still kick your ass."

"You accept the challenge, then?"

"Yeah, you're on," Jim said with a nod.

"Very well," said Spock. "Shall we head to your quarters, then?"

"Yeah, I'll have my computer draw up the digital set."

"Excellent."

####

Spock regarded his surroundings with mild interest, as it was his first time entering Jim's private quarters. He was pleasantly surprised to see that his captain kept his living space fairly tidy. Given the blonde's somewhat spontaneous personality, the Vulcan had expected the place to be in a little more disarray.

"I think you might be the first person I've really let in here," said Jim, his voice breaking Spock out of his thoughts. "I don't think Bones has even been by for a visit."

Spock couldn't explain why this bit of information pleased him, but it did. Jim motioned the Vulcan over to a corner of the room where a small round table and two chairs were set up.

"Here, have a seat," said Jim. "We'll play here."

Jim gave the order after they took their places. "Computer, activate the chessboard. Over the dining table, please."

" _Activating,"_ came the monotonous reply. " _Please wait."_

The digital chessboard flickered to life before them after a few seconds. Jim looked up at Spock, eyes reflecting a little mischievous twinkle.

"I might not have played in a while, but I've been told that I'm not an easy opponent to beat," said Jim. "Think you're ready to lose?"

"I do not think it is wise to underestimate my capabilities," said Spock. "I remind you, Captain, this game is the primitive form of a rather complex war-strategy game we Vulcans play in our spare time."

"Spare time? You guys even have that?" Jim asked.

The corners of the Vulcan's lips curled in the faintest of smiles. "Indeed we do, though I believe we make use of it quite differently than that of your species."

"Well I sure don't doubt that," said Jim, shaking his head. "Anyway, let's get started. You want the first move?"

"Are you suggesting I am in need of a handicap?" Spock asked.

Jim shrugged. "Only if you want it."

Spock looked down at the board. "The computer has preselected you as white. Let us proceed with the current arrangement."

"All right," Jim said with a slight grin. "Don't blame me later if you end up regretting it."

####

True to his word, Jim had turned out to be a worthy opponent, but not because he was a skillful player. Rather, the blonde was as erratic in his plays as he was in his decisions as captain of the Enterprise. Any pieces he had taken from Spock had been mostly out of pure luck. It gave the Vulcan at least some reason for concern—he noted the obvious parallels between this game and the way Jim ran the ship. It was a subject he would bring up with Jim later, he decided.

Spock had been so focused on planning his next move on the board that he didn't notice that Jim had fallen asleep until he looked up at the other man in order to gauge how much longer he would have to wait for the other man to make his move before he could make his next play. Upon seeing his captain's relaxed expression, Spock felt his competitive tension leave him. He regarded Jim for a moment before quietly commanding the computer to shut off the chess game. Soon after, he made his way over to Jim's side and because of his Vulcan strength he was able to lift the other man without much effort and carried him over to the bed. Spock gently placed Jim down on the bed and took a small step back in surprise when his hand accidentally brushed against his captain's, causing him to catch the slightest glimpse of the dream Jim was having. The contact was so brief he saw no visuals, but what he did catch was a single word he recognized immediately.

" _T'hy'la."_

Spock found himself surprisingly stunned. He tried to think back on Jim's academic file, the one he had studied most thoroughly prior to their very first face-off in front of Starfleet's academic council. He recalled reading that Jim had taken six different foreign language classes and that none of them had been in Vulcan. Therefore he found it curious that not only did Jim at the very least know this one word, but also because the word possessed one of the most intimate meanings in the Vulcan language. Once he gathered his bearings, Spock couldn't help but wonder if he had perhaps imagined it. Not one to invade another individual's privacy, especially in such a vulnerable state, the Vulcan did not try touching Jim again to confirm. Instead, he pulled the captain's covers over the sleeping man's body and then made his exit, leaving the curious mystery unsolved.


	8. A Push in the Right Direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello again! This was THE toughest chapter I've ever written in my life! I was so stuck! I finally managed to plug it out though. I hope that doesn't mean the chapter will end up falling short of anyone's expectations though. Not to mention I really, really hope I don't have such a rough time of it again for the rest of the fic. I'd really hate to suddenly start losing traction when I have so many ideas I want to put in here. I'm crossing my fingers that readers continue to enjoy this!

_Chapter VII: A Push in the Right Direction  
_

The last dream Jim had before waking up was a strange, but peaceful one. In it, he was back in Iowa, lying on his backside in some open field and looking up at the stars with his hands behind his head. It was nostalgic, feeling the cool, Iowan breeze as it brushed over him. Jim didn't hold many good memories from back home, but he had enjoyed spending his spare time in the hill of grass behind his family's ranch. He used to lie back there all the time, before he had even considered joining Starfleet, and just stare up at the sky, thinking about how different his life might have been had his father still been around.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

_"Jim."_

He should have been startled at the voice, but somehow he wasn't surprised that there was another presence there. Jim turned over on his side and the scenery around him shifted as he did. Now he was in some room that he didn't recognize, with a mostly gold and white color scheme; he was in a cream-colored bed. Jim's head now rested on one of his arms, his other arm was now in front of him with his fingers resting just below his chin. He smiled warmly at the man next to him, who was slightly propped up on his side.

_"You seem lost in thought."_

Jim gave the man a slight shrug. _"Mm...not really. Just thinking about home, I guess."_

_"Home?"_

_"Iowa."_

_"Ah."_

Jim shivered slightly as the other man ran his fingers gently up and down his side.

_"...do you miss it?"_

_"Miss_ _what?"_ Jim asked. _"Iowa?_ _No, not really. Well...maybe a little. I don't know."_

_"I see."_

The two of them stared at each other in silence for a little while. It was so quiet, Jim could hear clearly the sound of their breathing and a faint chirping in the background _—_ probably birds.

_Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep._

The man tenderly ran his fingers through Jim's hair and smiled.

 _"Jim_ _,"_ he said. _"You need to wake up now."_

Jim frowned. _"Huh? What are you talking about, Spock?"  
_

__Bibi bi-beep. _Bibi bi-beep._ _Bibi bi-beep._ _Bibi bi-beep.__ _

The other man didn't have a chance to respond because as soon as Jim blinked, he found himself thrust out of his dream and was soon greeted by a sudden darkness. Jim fluttered his eyes rapidly as he tried to orient himself. Where was he? He reached out his hand to find the familiar warmth and was a little disappointed upon realizing that the Vulcan was no longer there beside him. Jim started rubbing his eyes with his hand as he groaned. What the hell was that noise?

_Bibibibibibibibibibibibi!_

"Holy shit!" Jim cursed as his brain finally seemed to catch up and he jolted out of bed. "Computer! Lights! One-hundred percent!"

His eyes took a second to adjust at the sudden burst of light. Jim turned off the alarm of the digital clock beside his bed, squinted his eyes so he could look at the time, and groaned when he saw what time it was. It was already 7:45. Jim had somehow slept through forty-five minutes of his usual alarm. He needed to get ready in less than ten minutes if he wanted to get to the bridge on time. He quickly got out of his bed and stumbled onto the floor as his feet got caught by his sheets. Grumbling, Jim quickly untangled himself and began bumbling about his room. He threw on some clothes and simultaneously tried brushing his teeth while attempting to fix up his hair. He was so focused on his rush to get ready that he didn't have a chance to give the contents of the dream any real thought.

####

On the bridge, Spock found himself to be a little distracted. He had meditated extensively on certain topics last night _—_ in particular, he had been meditating over the visions he had seen when his fingers had made contact with Jim's face as he slept. Unfortunately, Spock hadn't been able to draw up any real conclusions. Without any concrete evidence, Spock could only assume that what he had seen were just dreams reflecting Jim's inner desires, deeply rooted within his subconscious.

Spock had meditated over things with that hypothesis in mind, and in the end he had found that he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about it. Was he disgusted? No. Jim was highly attractive and an alpha male, two strong characteristics that definitely appealed to Vulcans, especially those in search of a lifelong mate. Vulcans were also not gender discriminatory when choosing a lifetime partner; one's sexual preference was not a factor that would cause an individual to become looked down upon, at least not in the Vulcan community. Instead, it was social status and wealth that weighed the most value in Vulcan society, as those factors were considered to be more logical concerns of high priority.

Therefore, the problem wasn't whether or not the captain felt something for him so much as Spock wasn't entirely certain how he felt back. Did he reciprocate the feelings, or not? Quite honestly it wasn't something the Vulcan had spent too much time thinking about prior to his discovery of the blonde's apparently suppressed feelings. Admittedly though, he could not deny that his feelings towards the man had drastically changed, and that the shift had happened at some point during the incident with the Romulans. Of course, the theory still didn't properly explain why Jim seemed to know the Vulcan word T'hy'la.

_Kshhhhhh._

The sound of the entrance opening to the bridge caught the Vulcan's attention. Jim had just barely made it in time for the start of Alpha shift. His face was lightly flushed and he was somewhat out of breath. All of Spock's troublesome thoughts quickly dissipated as the blonde captain approached. From what he could observe, it appeared that Jim had gotten a good night's sleep; his overall posture seemed more relaxed and his sky blue eyes had their usual twinkle back in them. He was also more cheerful than he had been in weeks, and the crew on duty for Alpha shift definitely seemed to notice, creating a more friendly atmosphere on the bridge.

Spock was a little confused when Jim's bright smile wavered a bit and became a little more awkward when they made eye contact. He raised an eyebrow when Jim quickly averted his gaze. If Spock had to guess, it would seem that Jim's refusal to meet his eyes meant that the man was trying to hide something from him. Against his Vulcan nature, Spock couldn't help but feel a little curious as to what the blonde captain was trying to prevent him from discovering.

####

Despite the somewhat bumpy start to his morning, Jim was overall pretty chipper. He had managed to get a full night's sleep and although he was running behind as far as his usual routine, Jim found that he had quite enjoyed the morning sprint to the bridge in order to at least make it on time for the shift. He had been all smiles, greeting everyone on duty and fully ready to start the day when his eyes met Spock's. Right when he did, all the memories of the previous night's dreams all came rushing back to him and out of self-preservation from embarrassment, Jim had quickly looked away. He wasn't completely certain, but after his interaction with Spock's alternate version, he was mostly convinced that Spock had the ability to quite literally see right through him.

And given what he was currently thinking about, Jim really didn't want the Vulcan to catch even a sliver of his thoughts; highly inappropriate memories of late-night fantasies of himself and a certain Vulcan. Of course, those same fantasies took a lot of credit as to why Jim was able to rest so well in the first place, but he would be damned before Spock found out. Especially since he was sure the other man would not be flattered. If Jim was back in the privacy of his own room, he might have sighed. He didn't know if it was because of the things he had seen when his mind had touched the elder Spock's, or if his initial crush on the Vulcan had developed into a bit of an unhealthy obsession, but lately he found that whenever he wasn't preoccupied with anything else, Jim's mind always seemed to wander to thinking about Spock. Jim really hoped he wasn't losing it.

He quickly settled into his captain's chair. Spock was soon right beside him.

"Everything all right, Captain?" Spock asked.

Jim nodded, but still didn't look at his first officer. "Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine."

If Jim had been looking, he might have noticed the faintest traces of doubt flash through the Vulcan's eyes.

"So what's on the agenda for today, Spock?"

"We have received several more standard missions from the Federation."

"Great," Jim said with mild sarcasm. "Read 'em off for me."

He was only half-listening while Spock read to him their latest orders. Try as he might, he just couldn't seem to keep from daydreaming about him and Spock being together, in the romantic sense. Jim sighed. Spock stopped reading from the paper in his hand.

"Is something the matter?"

"No," Jim said, shaking his head. "No, it's nothing, Spock. Just keep reading."

"If you're certain..."

"I'm sure."

If he didn't think he'd draw more attention, Jim might have sighed again. After having experienced the nurturing Spock in his dreams last night, Jim couldn't help but wonder if that's what Spock really would be like as a lover. Even if the Vulcan was though, it wasn't like Jim really had a way of testing his theory. Sure, the relationship between them had improved since the Romulan incident, but as far as he knew, Spock and Uhura also happened to be an item. So despite what he had seen in his mind-meld with the elder Spock as well as what the other Vulcan had implied, the Spock he knew in this timeline appeared to be rather straight; maybe bisexual at best. Either way, Jim was pretty sure the Vulcan was still taken. Still, apparently that didn't stop him from feeling attraction to or fantasizing about the other man.

Oh yeah. Boring Federation missions included, Jim was so totally enjoying his time as captain of the Enterprise.

####

_"Men!"_ Uhura thought to herself as she slipped a few coins into the ship's vending machine. _"Honestly, even when they're not chasing women, they're so stupid!"_

Uhura punched a couple buttons and thought back on what she had seen during her shift on the bridge while waiting for her snack to come out. Jim had been in a significantly better mood during Alpha shift, which was nice. That definitely made for an easier morning; however, Uhura had noticed that there was a strange kind of awkward tension between captain and first officer. Perhaps she was biased in her observations _—_ Uhura honestly wasn't sure if anyone else noticed the way the two men normally interacted with each other while at work. Ever since Spock had shown her that vision in the turbolift, she always seemed to notice how Jim's eyes would linger on Spock a little too long, and vice versa. Today though, it had seemed to her as if they were tiptoeing around each other. It was clear they liked each other, and it was also obvious to her that the feeling was mutual. And yet, neither one seemed eager about making the first move. Uhura just didn't understand it.

Her attention was back on the vending machine. Either the machine ate her money or her snack was stuck. Upon closer inspection, it was stuck. Uhura started punching at the buttons, but to no avail.

"Great," she said, and proceeded to kick at the machine. "Stupid. Piece. Of. Junk!"

"Whoa. Need a little help there, lassie?"

Uhura stopped kicking and turned in the direction of the familiar and distinct accent. Scotty, the ship's head engineer, flashed her a smile and held up a couple tools in his hand.

"Just passin' through and I heard a li'll commotion," he said. "Thought I'd come and see what all the fuss was about. See if I could help."

Uhura couldn't help but chuckle a little. She didn't know too much about Scotty, she hadn't had a chance to interact with him much. All she knew was that Jim had picked the man up from his minor detour on Delta Vega. From what she could see now though, she had to admit he was a little charming. Perhaps it had something to do with his accent, or maybe it was more because he didn't come off as if he was trying to find a quick way to get into her pants. Either way, the man seemed nice.

"Sure," Uhura said, a hand on her hip and the other one lifting in the direction of the malfunctioning machine. "Go right ahead. Obviously I'm not having any luck."

"Don'cha worry yourself, m'am, I'll try to fix her up in a jiffy," the Scottish man said as he chuckled and set straight to work. "You're Lieutenant Uhura, aren't you?"

Uhura blinked. "Yes, that is correct."

"Yeah? I thought so. I've seen you around," he said, looking back at her as he was unscrewing a panel. "You're not an easy one to forget, quite honestly. The name's Montgomery Scott, but most people call me Scotty."

 _"Montgomery Scott,"_ Uhura thought to herself. _"Interesting. I didn't know that, though I suppose it would explain the nickname. His first name is rather long."_

Something the man said piqued her curiosity though.

"You said I wasn't easy to forget," she said. "What exactly did you mean by that?"

"Oh ho-ho," said Scotty. "I don't think anyone would forget you if they saw what I did in that transporter room."

"Excuse me?"

"You know, the whole kissing the commander bit," Scotty said with a grin. "Made quite an impression on me and the other fellow handlin' the controls that day."

"Oh," said Uhura.

She quickly recalled the incident the man was talking about. She could vaguely remember Scotty being in the room that day. Scotty kept talking while he clunked away at the vending machine.

"You should of seen the look on the captain's face too, he was stunned," Scotty said, laughing. "Good thing the man knows better. How are the two of them doing on the bridge anyway, the captain and his first officer?"

"Fine," Uhura replied, but again she was curious about something Scotty had said. "You said the captain should know better. What did you mean by that?"

"Eh? Oh, uh..." Scotty quickly put the panel back on the vending machine and pat at it. "Ho-ho! There it goes!"

Uhura looked over and sure enough, her bag of chips fell to the ground. She took them out of the machine and looked at Scotty again.

"Thank you, Mr. Scott," she said.

"Scotty, please m'am," the engineer said.

"Very well, Scotty then," said Uhura. "And don't think I've forgotten. What were you saying about the captain?"

Suddenly the chief engineer looked rather uncomfortable.

"Eh heh, you see..." Scotty said. "Well, I'm afraid it's a bit of a long story, that."

"Oh, don't you worry," Uhura said. "I've got time."

####

Meanwhile, back on the bridge, it was the middle of Beta shift. Sulu was reading off a couple things from his screen to Chekov, who seemed to be otherwise preoccupied. The Russian slowly leaned over closer to Sulu, though he was still staring straight ahead at something.

"Meester Sulu," Chekov whispered.

"...and the coordinates are _—_ yes, Mr. Chekov?" Sulu said as he turned to face Chekov.

It was a mistake. Sulu had been avoiding looking in the Russian's direction for days because he found that he'd been getting unnecessarily distracted by the young prodigy. He mentally face-palmed.

"Don't you think Keptin and Meester Spock are acting leetle bit strange to you?"

"Hm...? What?" Sulu asked.

He briefly looked in Jim and Spock's direction. Sure Spock seemed a little quieter than usual and Jim wasn't exactly bouncing off the walls in energy and enthusiasm, but nothing really seemed strikingly out of the ordinary. He looked back at Chekov and found himself wanting to smack a hand to his face again; he should have looked back at his monitor.

"No, they look fine to me," he managed.

It was frustrating, really. Some days Sulu couldn't even believe he was allowing to get himself distracted by another person, let alone a considerably younger person.

"Are you sure?" Chekov asked. "Because the _—_ "

"Chekov," Sulu said, cutting the Russian off. "How old are you again?"

"Uhye?" Chekov said in gibberish at Sulu's random question. "My age, sir? Seventeen, sir."

Sulu groaned softly, closed his eyes, leaned back a little in his seat, and brought his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"And how much longer are you going to be seventeen?"

"Sorry, sir?"

"Your birthday, Chekov," Sulu said. "When you turn eighteen. When is it?"

"Oh," Chekov said, still looking a bit confused. "My birthday? It's in two weeks, sir."

 _"Oh god, it's in _—_ wait a minute. Did he just say two weeks?" _Sulu thought as his eyes suddenly opened and darted on the Russian.

"Sir?" Chekov said inquisitively.

He seemed even more puzzled by the grin that was now breaking out on Sulu's face.

"Nothing, Chekov," Sulu said, getting back into a more comfortable position in his chair. "Eighteen in two weeks, huh? That's great!"

"Um...thank you, sir?"

"Yeah, you bet!" Sulu said, a little too enthusiastically perhaps, not that he really cared. "You were saying, Chekov?"

"Uh...um..."

Sulu felt pretty relieved.

####

Uhura was power walking back to the bridge. Her mind was swirling with the things Scotty had just told her. With his account of certain things, some of the events that took place during the Romulan mission were starting to make a little more sense. It turned out that there had been some truth to Spock's alternate reality theory, and there were currently two Spocks from two different time periods in the same timeline. In addition, the Spock and Jim from the alternate timeline had been something of an item, and apparently the other Spock had tried nudging the Jim of this time period in the same direction.

And yet, Jim still hadn't made a move, even knowing everything and having the blessing from the other version of Spock. Hell, even _she_ had given her blessing, though it may have been a bit begrudgingly. She had been somewhat surprised that Spock hadn't attempted to approach Jim with his feelings yet, but then she later figured it was due to his Vulcan nature, and that perhaps he was afraid Jim wouldn't reciprocate his feelings. That she could understand. She hadn't been completely sure if the blonde captain reciprocated the Vulcan's feelings either, she had just hoped that her womanly instincts were on the mark. After observing Jim and Spock's interactions on the bridge for the past month or so, she had been pretty convinced that she was.

Now, with this new information, it would seem that she hadn't been watching two men fail to interpret signs of interest between each other. At least one of them was fully aware of the situation.

 _"So why won't he do something?"_ Uhura wondered.

And then she stopped suddenly in the middle of a hall, not noticing that several people were tossing curious glances in her direction. Uhura suddenly recalled Scotty saying something about

 _"Ugh, of course!"_ she thought to herself while rolling her eyes. _"I can't even attribute this to all men! Jim is just so dense! He must think that Spock and I are serious!"_

Though even whilst thinking that as she walked forcefully down the hall, Uhura had to admit to herself that she was at least partially responsible. Had she not been trying to soothe herself from the pain of Spock's rejection by attempting to make Jim squirm a little, then things may have progressed naturally. Then again, the two men were so awkward around each other now, there was still the extreme likelihood that they would have made their own giant obstacle even without her help. Regardless, Uhura was now making it her mission to help clear things up.

At the same time, though Uhura didn't like to admit it, she couldn't help but think that perhaps Jim wasn't all bad after all. If he really was avoiding pursuing anything with Spock due to being under the impression that she and the Vulcan were in a committed relationship, then Uhura felt that she could actually respect the man a little for that.

Soon she reached the entrance to the bridge, and Uhura quickly decided that this time she would be approaching Jim. She felt that the only way to get her message properly across was to be blunt, and she couldn't very well do that with Spock. Besides, Uhura didn't want to waste her time. She didn't give up on Spock just for the two men to dance around each other for the rest of the voyage.

Uhura pressed the button that opened the door to the bridge, and she looked at the clock on the wall as soon as she stepped inside. Beta shift would be ending in an hour. She decided she would talk to Jim then.

####

"Captain."

Jim turned in his chair to face Uhura.

"Uh...yes, lieutenant?" he said, eying her warily.

"I was wondering if I may speak to you privately."

"Er..."

"It's about the commander."

 _"Spock?"_ Jim wondered. _"Really? Huh. Wonder why. Trouble in paradise, maybe?"_

Jim quickly shook himself of the thought. As much as he and Uhura didn't get along, he also wasn't mean-spirited enough to wish anything negative on her.

 _"Still,"_ he thought. _"I don't know why she wants to talk to me about it, of all people."_

"Well?" Uhura said, somewhat impatiently.

"Oh, uh...yeah, sure," Jim said.

He looked around the bridge; it was empty. Beta shift had ended a few minutes ago. As long as there were no urgent missions in progress, people seemed to take their time reporting for duty _—_ there tended to be a ten minute gap between shifts. That meant they had roughly the same window to speak freely while on the bridge. Jim looked back at Uhura.

"People probably won't show up for another few minutes," he said to her. "Here all right?"

"Then I'll be quick," Uhura said without hesitation. "I wasn't planning on some long-winded speech anyway."

"Okay..."

"I know what's going on, Jim," Uhura said, point-blank. "I just heard from Scotty."

Jim's brows furrowed in confusion as he tried to process what the lieutenant was saying. "I'm sorry, what...?"

"He told me about you and Spock," Uhura said. "And the conversation back on Delta Vega."

If she wasn't so frustrated with him, Uhura might have laughed. Jim's eyes suddenly got big and round, his jaw slightly dropped.

"I-I, uh-um," he stuttered.

"Oh, and by the way," said Uhura. "Just so you know, Spock and I, we aren't a couple."

This seemed to bring Jim to his senses.

"Wait, wait, wait. What! You're...you're not?" Jim asked.

Uhura shook her head. "Unfortunately, no, we're not."

"But I saw you guys kiss!"

Uhura sighed. "No, that was just us pretending to kiss."

"Huh?" Jim looked very confused now. "Pretending? Why would you do that? That doesn't make any sense!"

"I already knew then that I had lost Spock to you," Uhura admitted honestly. "It was my way of sending him off, and of course, the look on your face was priceless."

Jim frowned. "I still don't get it."

Uhura rolled her eyes.

"Of course you don't," she said. "I'm a woman. You'll understand me just as well as I'll understand men."

"...point made," said Jim. "Um, about what you said though, about you losing Spock to me...what did you mean by that?"

 _"Ding-ding!"_ Uhura thought to herself. _"Finally the captain is asking the right questions."_

"Through certain events, of which I am not going to go into detail, I discovered the commander's feelings for you," she said.

Uhura gave Jim a moment to let that sink in. It took him a few seconds, but Jim seemed to quickly make the connections. He then looked at her curiously.

"Are you trying to say that Spock..."

"Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying," said Uhura. "And if you need me to write it any clearer I'll say it this way; he's attracted to you, Jim."

"Wow," Jim said, leaning back into his seat. "Are we really having this conversation?"

Uhura couldn't help but to allow a small half-smile. "Yes, we are."

"And you're absolutely sure about this."

"I know it for a fact, firsthand," said Uhura.

"Okay... _wow_ ," Jim said again.

The blonde captain stared off into space for a few seconds. He was still trying to process the rapid flow of information; Uhura hadn't been kidding when she said she was going to say things directly. He hadn't really been prepared for what she had to say. He looked back up at her slowly.

"Why are you telling me this now?" Jim asked softly.

"So you can do something about it," Uhura replied.

"Do something about it?" Jim repeated. "What exactly am I supposed to do?"

_Kshhhhhh._

The both of them looked up to see a cadet entering the bridge. He froze upon seeing Jim and Uhura in the middle of their conversation.

"Um...is this a bad time? Should I come back later?" the cadet asked.

"No," Uhura said, shaking her head. "At ease, cadet, our conversation is over."

"Yeah, uh wait, what? It is?" Jim asked, his face filled with confusion as he looked at Uhura.

"Yes," Uhura said, nodding. "It is."

She leaned closer to whisper in Jim's ear before leaving the bridge. "I can't tell you how to do it. I can only tell you that the commander is waiting for you to act on it. So make a move, Captain."

Jim watched in silence as Uhura walked away. He got up a few minutes later and gave the confused cadet a slight nod as he left the bridge and headed for his quarters. Uhura had just given him a fair amount of information to process. He needed some time to think. Maybe a lot of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, I pretty much rewrote the entire chapter at least 15 times and rewrote the first paragraph more than 30 times. I really was almost ready to give up at one point...BUT about four days later (and with considerably less hair—because I pulled so much out in frustration), I was able to finish! (By the way, sorry for the random Chulu, lol. I try my best not to write scenes that are irrelevant to the plot, but I feel like Chulu can be such a comic relief pairing.)


	9. Ulterior Motives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Um...kisses happen? Hahaha. Should I even have said that? Oh and I suppose I should also mention that this is one of the more angst-heavy chapters. Just so you all know.

_Chapter VIII: Ulterior Motives  
_

The ship was abuzz with festivities throughout. It seemed that Jim wasn't the only one feeling suppressed by the Federation's insistence on assigning them only the laxest missions. Even though the day wasn't a holiday, the fact that it was Chekov's birthday seemed to be a good enough excuse for most of the crew to break out the champagne and let a little loose. Jim wasn't even sure if the entire ship was actually celebrating the Russian's birthday, or if half of them just wanted an excuse to party, but either way the captain really didn't mind too much. It was a nice distraction for him too anyway, especially since he hadn't been able to stop thinking about the conversation he and Uhura had two weeks prior.

It had taken a few days before everything Uhura had told him had sunk in. Even now though, Jim almost couldn't believe it. Uhura had told him that he had a chance; had a clear shot, in fact. And yet, Jim was still hesitant to make a move. There was still a chance that Uhura was wrong about everything, even if what she had said wasn't some twisted practical joke. Despite what the grapevine had to say about him, Jim was capable of handling rejection gracefully only if the person rejecting him was someone he didn't care too much for. Spock did not fall under this category. If Jim got rejected by the Vulcan, he knew he'd be off somewhere licking his wounds for at least a few weeks if not longer, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that.

Somewhat somber thoughts aside, Jim entered onto the bridge. Delta shift was usually the most dead shift of the four rotations, but tonight, that was when the party was just really getting started. Jim chuckled and shook his head as he looked around. It was definitely popping on the bridge, all right, and it reminded Jim of the times he used to go out and party while attending Starfleet. As much as he wanted to completely immerse himself in all the fun now though, Jim firmly decided he wasn't going to get intoxicated. After all, he was captain now, and he needed to be ready just in case something unexpected happened. Besides, he actually found that he didn't mind just observing.

He sat down in the captain's chair after exchanging a few hellos and looked around. Jim smiled to himself. He wondered what kind of fun stories he'd be able about his crew members the next day.

####

Hikaru Sulu was definitely on a mission tonight. Two weeks couldn't have gone by fast enough, although he _had_ taken advantage of that time to hash out for himself the perfect plan. Step one _—_ get everyone on the bridge to become hilariously drunk by the end of the night. That way, even if everything went wrong tonight, at least a majority of the bridge wouldn't remember it the next day.

Creating the concoction that would do the job had been easy enough; Sulu hadn't gotten top marks in all his academy courses for nothing. At school he had also been known as _that_ kid, the one that could make chemistry look cool even outside of class. Sulu had used his science know-how to spike all of the fruit punch with something potent, yet flavorless and odorless, so that it would blend right in with the drink.

Step two _—_ help Chekov get drunk, but don't let the boy get _too_ intoxicated. Sulu needed the Russian drunk enough so that he wouldn't suspect Sulu's little plot, but he didn't want the younger man to be too far gone either. Unless things didn't turn out the way as planned, like if Chekov rejected Sulu's advances. In that case, then Sulu would proceed to get Chekov as drunk as possible and pray that he wasn't the type to still remember things the morning after.

This all kind of went along with the third step, which was for Sulu to act as drunk as possible. The main reason for this being that in the case the Russian didn't approve of the Asian coming onto him, then at least Sulu could at least pretend that the only reason he acted that way in the first place was because he was drunk. Now the trickiest part was the last step, step four _—_ find the opportune time and make his move.

At the present time, it appeared that Sulu had successfully completed the second part of his mission. Maybe it was because Chekov was of Russian descent, but the kid really seemed to be able to hold his liquor at first, at least, that's what Sulu had thought until his little surprise finally took effect. Chekov had at some point spontaneously transitioned from being perfectly fine to unusually incoherent. Sulu had to smile at the transformation, even a drunk Chekov was just as happy and still very much endearing. Acting drunk along with him was actually pretty easy for Sulu to do too.

The only part of his plan that wasn't completely perfect was that not everyone on the bridge was in their happy place. Sulu noticed, much to his dismay, that both captain and first officer were not taking part in the festivities. Sulu wasn't surprised about Spock not taking part so much as he was surprised the Vulcan was even there in the first place; he hadn't been counting on that, he thought that the first officer would just stay in his quarters the whole time. On the other hand, Sulu found it kind of curious that Jim hadn't joined in. After all, Sulu had heard stories about the Enterprise's captain being quite the party animal.

Both men presented a bit of a roadblock to Sulu's plan, but it wasn't something he couldn't get around; it just meant that Sulu would have to improvise a little. While he was thinking about just how to do that though, Sulu couldn't help but notice something a little interesting. Observing more closely, he realized that Spock wasn't standing in his little corner to glower disapprovingly at everyone at the party; he was actually looking straight at Jim, his eyes never once leaving the other man. Sulu wondered if maybe the Vulcan was keeping watch to make sure the captain stayed out of trouble. There was something else Sulu noticed too. Occasionally, Jim's eyes would meet Spock's, and then he'd quickly turn away and pretend he hadn't looked. For the first time, Sulu began to wonder if he was seeing something that he had never noticed before.

He didn't get much time to think it over though, because Chekov was soon the center of his attention; Sulu caught the Russian before he could teeter over and fall. The younger crewman looked up at him with a big lopsided grin.

"Thank you, Meester Sulu," Chekov said, giggling. "This is quite a party!"

"Yeah," Sulu said, grinning too despite himself. "Yeah, it sure is."

Sulu couldn't have been happier. Here he was, Russian in his arms, who was smiling up at him and totally unaware of the older man's feelings for him. Sulu took in a deep breath. It was now or never; he didn't know if he was ever going to get this kind of chance again. He prayed that the Russian was drunk enough.

"Hey Chekov," said Sulu. "You uh...you got any birthday traditions back in your country?"

"Hmmm...yes!" said Chekov. "Yes, we do, we _—_ "

"Listen, Chekov," Sulu said, knowing he'd have to act quickly before he lost his resolve. "Would you like to learn what we do for birthdays in my country?"

"Mm? Sure!" Chekov said, still giggly. "What do you guys do?"

"We do _this_ ," Sulu said before pulling the Russian closer to him and pressing their lips together.

The younger crewman's eyes widened and he flailed a little at first. His face began to flush a bright red. Sulu pulled away to see a somewhat breathless Russian. He was about to mutter an apology, but Chekov spoke up first, cutting him off.

"Meester Sulu," Chekov said, somewhat dazed. "It looks like you've been keeping some secrets."

Sulu felt his cheeks get incredibly hot. "I-I..."

"Not to worry," Chekov said with a warm smile. "Your secret is safe with me, sir."

The older crewman blinked. Was he hearing right? Could this possibly be a confession? Suddenly Sulu found himself wishing that he hadn't allowed the younger man to get so drunk; he wanted to know for sure. He didn't get a chance to dwell on those thoughts for too long though, because before he knew it, Chekov's lips were back on his and this time it was the younger man who initiated the kiss. Not one to pass an opportunity by, Sulu responded eagerly.

They were so preoccupied with each other that neither man noticed the dumbstruck look on their captain's face.

####

Jim's jaw involuntarily dropped when he saw Sulu and Chekov kiss. He had never expected Sulu to be so forward. In fact, Jim hadn't even suspected Sulu had a thing for the ship's youngest genius; he had been so wrapped up in his own woes. Jim actually found himself somewhat admiring Sulu for his bravery, and couldn't help but envy him a little when Chekov seemed to respond positively.

Then Jim looked in Spock's direction through his peripheral and he began to wonder if perhaps maybe Sulu was onto something. Maybe if he did something similar with Spock, the Vulcan would respond just as favorably. It was a crazy idea, but worth a shot. The question was, did Jim have it in him to try?

The blonde captain thought about it for a minute, and then decided that he did. After all, as cliché as it sounded, he was only going to live once. Even though he hadn't had anything to drink, being exposed to the party atmosphere seemed to be enough to instill in Jim a spontaneous burst of courage. Determined, Jim got up from his seat and made his way over to the Vulcan. Spock slowly raised an eyebrow as Jim approached.

He froze when Jim thrust his arm out and let his hand rest on the wall beside Spock. The Vulcan eyed Jim somewhat warily, as he was unsure what to expect. He stiffened a little bit more when the blonde captain leaned a little closer to his face.

_"Want to get out of here?"_

Spock blinked. He almost missed the other man's question entirely, he had been distracted by Jim being in such close proximity. The Vulcan flushed a light green.

"Pardon?" Spock asked.

He noticed Jim's confident posture seemed to crumple a little at that. The blonde pushed off the wall and started rubbing at his neck.

"Ah...er...I mean," Jim said, not making eye contact. "Parties aren't your thing, right? And uh...I'm not really in the mood to join in either so..."

Spock waited patiently to allow Jim to finish. Although he was a little curious, the other man's attitude seemed to have transformed so quickly.

_"...play chess?"_

Spock blinked; he didn't realize he hadn't been paying attention. He had caught the bit about chess though; however, it was not in the Vulcan nature to make assumptions without sufficient evidence.

"Chess?" he echoed.

"Y-yeah," Jim said, rubbing at his neck again. "You up for it? I mean, if you're not..."

"I accept," Spock said simply.

Jim brightened a little at that, and Spock thought his heart may have skipped a beat.

"Great! Meet me at my place?"

"Certainly," said Spock. "Do you prefer a specific time?"

"Oh, uh...actually, we can walk there together right now if you want?"

"That seems to be acceptable."

"Well all right then," Jim said. "Let's go."

As the two of them walked to the door that would let them out of the bridge, Jim mentally kicked himself repeatedly _—_ that had _not_ been how he had wanted that conversation to go _at all_. Jim wondered how Sulu had managed to make it look so easy. No matter though, Jim supposed he'd have another chance during the chess game with Spock. In fact, being in a private setting would actually make things easier for him. At least, that's what Jim wanted to believe.

####

Jim gently fingered the wooden chess piece in his hand while he contemplated his next move. He hadn't seen a vintage chess set like this one in years, and he was rather surprised upon learning that Spock owned one. The two of them were playing in Spock's room that day, and they held their match on the floor, as Spock only owned a desk and no dining table. It was their 101st match _—_ they had been playing at least once a week after that second game they played on Chekov's birthday. Since then, a few more birthdays had come and gone, including both Jim and Spock's. They were also already halfway into the second year of their voyage, and still Jim was no closer to making a confession. Sure he had tried, countless times, but it just never seemed to be the right time to bring it up.

Today though, Jim had been determined. Spock had sensed that Jim was up to something too when the man approached him asking for a slight alteration from their usual routine. This week, Jim wanted to play for a bet. Intrigued, the Vulcan had accepted those terms. The winner would be given the right to ask anything of the other player.

At first, Spock had played quite seriously. In fact, even now, Spock could easily overtake Jim and win the game. However, as the game progressed, Spock found himself slowly growing more curious about what the blonde captain would possibly want to know about him or request. Which is why eventually, Spock began to play to lose. He made sure not to be too obvious in his change of strategy _—_ he knew Jim would see right through him if he moved his pieces about on the board too carelessly.

When they first started playing together, Jim had won more often than not _—_ Spock had needed a while to get used to the man's unpredictability. Eventually though, Spock was still able to find some semblance of a pattern and had been able to beat Jim in most games ever since. These days, it was a little more uncommon for Jim to have one up on him and as much as that should have filled Spock with pride, it actually somewhat worried the Vulcan. If he was able to figure it out, then there was an extreme likelihood that future enemies would someday be able to as well, and that didn't really sit well with Spock.

_"Checkmate."_

Spock did his best not to look amused. Jim looked as if he couldn't believe it, and yet at the same time he seemed excited that he had won. There was also a flicker of nervousness in the other man's expression that was curious to Spock, but the Vulcan patiently waited to see what the other man would do next. When he didn't react right away, Spock prodded him gently with his words.

"You've won, Jim," Spock said softly. "What is it you wish to ask?"

Jim's eyes moved from staring at the chessboard to looking up at Spock. He cleared his throat.

"It's actually something more of a request," he replied.

"Very well," said Spock.

"Then do me a favor," said Jim. "Just stay still."

And before Spock could respond or react, Jim stretched himself over the chessboard, knocked over the few remaining pieces and gripped Spock's uniform. He quickly pulled the Vulcan towards him and pressed their lips together.

Spock didn't move at first. He wasn't sure if Jim realized what he was doing, but suddenly he was mentally knocked over by a whirlwind of thoughts and images coming from the other man. It took him a second to reorient himself. By the time he did, Spock could sense Jim's uncertainty and felt the other man's disappointment as he tried to pull away. The Vulcan knew he had to make a quick decision. Of course he was more than happy to discover Jim's feelings for him. Even Spock had eventually been able to accept that he harbored romantic feelings towards the other man as well. However, there had been a specific reason why the Vulcan had been holding back, and it hadn't been from fear of rejection.

Still, Spock didn't want Jim to think that he didn't reciprocate the other man's feelings, and so against his better judgment he began to kiss the blonde captain back. He felt Jim freeze at first, but this only lasted an instant and soon Jim was once again kissing the Vulcan eagerly. Spock wasn't sure how it happened, but before he realized what he was doing he soon had Jim on his back, pinned under him. At one point, Spock couldn't resist opening his eyes to look at the man beneath him and he was inexplicably turned on by the sight of Jim's blue eyes, heavily clouded with lust.

Right when he was about to snake a hand up Jim's shirt, Spock was hit with a sudden pain and he jerked back violently, leaving Jim on the floor still breathless and in a bit of a daze. It took the other man a few minutes to recover, but eventually he was able to look up at Spock, his facial expression showing a mixture of concern, confusion, and pain.

"What happened?" he asked, voice somewhat breathy. "Why did we stop?"

Spock couldn't respond even if he wanted to. He was in too much pain. The Vulcan cradled his head in his hands. Worried, Jim got up and placed a hand on Spock's shoulder.

"Hey, you all right?" he asked softly.

"Leave me," Spock whispered.

"What?" Jim asked. "Why? What's wrong?"

"We... _this_ ," Spock said tightly. "This cannot continue."

Jim took a step back and he looked as if he had just been slapped in the face. "I...Spock, I don't think I understand."

"Go. _Now_ ," Spock said, almost growling out the last word.

"A-all right," Jim said, his voice slightly wavering. "We'll talk later."

When he realized the Vulcan wasn't going to respond, Jim took several steps back. The other man wasn't looking at him, his head was still cradled in his hands. Jim stared at Spock for a few more minutes before quickly turning on his heels and striding out of the room.

As soon as Jim was gone, the pain in Spock's mind began to ebb and the Vulcan let out a very soft sigh of relief. Feelings of pain were soon replaced with guilt and misery. Fatigued, Spock slowly eased his way to the chair by his desk. Once there, he took a seat and allowed part of his body to lean against the desk. He couldn't forget the look of hurt he had seen in Jim's very expressive eyes, and the worst of it was, Spock knew that he had been the one who caused it.

The thought made him miserable.

####

It took all his strength not to let the tears fall. Jim clenched and unclenched his fists as he marched down the hall to his room, feeling like a damn school girl. Jim had experienced his fair share of rejections in the past, but none had ever come close to leaving him this emotional. Jim walked brusquely back to his quarters as quickly as he could; he was _not_ going to break down like some brokenhearted damsel and let the whole world see him in pain.

Even after returning to his room, Jim refused to cry. Instead, he took a seat on his couch, leaned back, and clapped a hand tightly over his eyes. He then forced himself to even his breaths, focusing on the sound as he struggled to calmly breathe in and out. Through this exercise he was slowly able to relieve some of his tension. Still, he didn't trust himself enough to take the hand off his eyes.

He sat there for hours, replaying what had just happened over and over in his mind. Unfortunately, his mind still wasn't entirely clear and as a result, Jim was unable to come up with even the slightest theory that could possibly explain why things had gone so badly. Eventually, he was overtaken by mental exhaustion and unknowingly drifted off into sleep.

His hand never left his eyes.


	10. A Serious Complication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so...new warning! I totally fabricate aspects of Vulcan's Pon Farr to suit my needs for this fic. Just so you guys know!

_Chapter IX: A Serious Complication  
_

Jim didn't know how the Vulcan did it, but somehow Spock successfully managed to avoid facing a confrontation for an entire month. Spock had stopped sharing Alpha and Beta shift with Jim and chose to reside only over Gamma and Delta shifts instead. Jim had tried changing his schedule to match the Vulcan's as well, but Spock had somehow rigged the system so that even if Jim changed his schedule at the last minute, Spock's name would move to a different time the captain hadn't chosen. The Vulcan also seemed to know what Jim's usual path around the ship was as well, like when he preferred to eat his meals _._ It was surprising, and yet not altogether unexpected. Jim knew the Vulcan was observant, but he hadn't realized how thoroughly he must have been watched.

Over time, Jim's feelings of hurt transformed into those of anger. He had initially wanted to apologize, talk to Spock, and figure out what exactly he did wrong. He had been ready to swear never to do again whatever it was he did. Now, Jim felt that he was the one that deserved an apology, or at least an explanation. After all, they were captain and first officer; they couldn't just avoid each other for the rest of their time in space. And even if they somehow could, Jim was determined to get to the bottom of things one way or another.

Which is why he decided to recruit one of his crew members to spy on the Vulcan, after realizing he wasn't going to be able to figure things out entirely on his own. It was all a matter of choosing the best person for the task. Jim thought about asking Chekov, but he had a feeling Spock would see right through that _—_ Chekov wasn't exactly the most stealthy person on the ship. Jim had considered Scotty too, but then he thought maybe the engineer would seem too out of place, roaming about the ship and looking as if he wasn't paying attention to his duties. He thought of asking for Uhura's help too, but decided he probably wouldn't feel too comfortable with her becoming too involved. In the end, that really only left one person.

"Hey! Sulu!"

"Yes, Captain?" Sulu asked, turning in the direction of Jim's voice.

He looked at the other man somewhat curiously as Jim caught up to him in the hall. The blonde captain clapped a hand on one of Sulu's shoulders.

"You've been trained in stealth and surveillance, haven't you?" Jim asked.

"Yes, sir, I have," Sulu said with a nod, though he looked a little confused by Jim's question. "Why do you ask, sir?"

"Good. Listen, Sulu, I need to ask you to do something for me," said Jim. "It's a personal assignment."

"Uh, sure, Captain," said Sulu. "How can I help?"

Jim lowered his voice. "I need you to keep track of Commander Spock's movements for me...as discreetly as possible, if you can."

"Of course, sir," Sulu said, slightly tilting his head to one side. "Anything in particular you want me to look out for?"

"Just report back to me if you notice any pattern in his movements," said Jim. "Think you can do that for me, Sulu?"

"Sure, no problem, Captain," said Sulu.

"Great, thanks!" said Jim.

He clapped a hand on Sulu's shoulder once more before continuing down the hall towards the bridge. He missed the odd look on the other man's face as he walked away.

####

Prior to his captain's odd request, Sulu hadn't really paid too much attention to Spock, but even so he never once pegged the commander as being capable of living day to day without a set routine. In fact, when Sulu thought about it, he was pretty sure the Vulcan had always done things at a certain set time each day; he had deviated from doing so only recently. Sulu had vaguely noted that the commander's change in behavior had occurred almost right after Chekov's birthday. Most everyone was used to the captain and first officer sharing the first two shifts of the day—which were also usually the two busiest shifts of the day, but lately Spock had stopped coming onto the bridge at the same time as their captain. Sulu hadn't really thought too hard about the unusual change at the time when he first noticed it though, he had been too distracted his own matters involving a certain Russian crew member. Ever since the birthday party, he and Chekov hadn't really talked about their shared kiss, and they pretty much went back to business as usual the following day. Oddly enough, there was nothing awkward or different about the way they interacted with each other on the bridge. What bothered Sulu was that there just seemed to be no change at all in their relationship. And as much as he wanted to ask, Sulu was still trying to figure out how exactly to bring up the topic. He supposed he still had some time to figure that out though. In the meantime, he had his captain's strange request to work on.

It took about a week before Sulu was able to find any consistency in Spock's otherwise irregular schedule. The only place the commander seemed to go at a set time each day, was the Enterprise's medical bay. Sulu also noted that the commander always checked around him before stepping inside, almost as if he didn't want to be followed. Sulu had been careful not to appear too suspicious as he monitored Spock each day. He wore a wristband that had a mini-spy camera attached to it and always made it a point to appear like he was talking to someone while pointing the camera in Spock's direction. He would then go back to his room each night and study the footage.

After he felt certain about Spock's regular visits to the medical bay, Sulu was ready to report his findings. He caught Jim on his way to the ship's cafeteria.

"Captain, I have something to report," he said.

The blonde captain turned, his slight confusion turning into rapt attentiveness upon seeing Sulu.

"Really? What did you find?" Jim asked.

Sulu stepped closer to Jim and lowered his voice so only his captain could hear. "For the most part, nothing useful. However, there is one thing—the commander always makes a trip at least once a day to the sickbay, just before the start of Gamma shift."

Jim frowned. "Sickbay, huh? Interesting. And you're sure he does this every day?"

Sulu nodded. "Yes sir, usually about an hour before Gamma shift starts."

"I see..." Jim looked contemplative. "Thank you, Sulu."

"Not a problem, sir," said Sulu. "Would you like me to keep gathering information?"

"Nah, that's all right," Jim said, shaking his head. "I think you gave me all that I needed to know. Thanks again."

"Sure thing, Captain."

Jim turned around again and continued on his way to the cafeteria. First, he was going to get a bite to eat. Then he was going to go in for a doctor's visit.

####

"Bones!"

McCoy let out a sigh upon hearing the familiar voice. He came out from his small office and eyed Jim somewhat warily.

"What is it, Jim?" McCoy asked. "Do you even have an appointment?"

Jim scoffed. "C'mon Bones, don't bullshit with me. Since when do I need an appointment to come and talk to my best friend?"

"Yeah, yeah, all right," said Bones. "It's not like I do serious work or anything. So what's up?"

"Well, I just learned that you've been keeping some secrets from me," said Jim. "Tell me, Bones, _what's_ _up_ with that?"

"Secrets?" McCoy said with a frown. "What do you mean I've been keeping secrets?"

"Aw, c'mon, Bones!" Jim said, rolling his eyes. "Don't play dumb with me, man. I know that Spock's been here to see you every day for at least the past few weeks. So what's going on?"

"Oh, _that_ ," said McCoy. "Listen, Jim, that's not me keeping secrets from you or anything. I'm just doing my job, you know, there's this thing called doctor-patient confidentiality? That means anything that hobgoblin tells me stays in this room and doesn't leave this room."

"Well I'm in the room right now, aren't I?" said Jim.

"That's not how it works, Jim."

"Well as captain of this ship—"

"Still, no," McCoy said, shaking his head. "You are expected to abide by the same rules as everyone else, Jim."

"All right, okay, fine. Look, Bones, can you at least tell me if he's said anything about me at all?" Jim asked.

McCoy raised an eyebrow. "What? No. That hobgoblin and I don't exactly have a sharing and caring kind of relationship going on. Why do you ask?"

Jim sighed.

"It's just that for the last month, Spock's been avoiding me like the plague," he said. "I just thought maybe he might have told you something about it, since apparently he comes to see you every single day. He and I haven't talked in weeks!"

McCoy seemed to think about something for a moment.

"No, he hasn't mentioned you at all, at least, not from what I can recall," McCoy said. "Though I'll admit, he definitely has been acting pretty funny."

"Okay?"

McCoy looked at Jim's expectant face and sighed.

"For Pete's sake, stop looking at me like that," McCoy said. "It drives me crazy."

"Look like what?" Jim asked somewhat innocently.

McCoy just grumbled.

"You're such a pain in the ass," he said. "All right, listen, Jim. Here's what we're going to do..."

####

Spock entered the medical bay that day like clockwork, just an hour before Gamma shift would begin. He approached McCoy, who was busy filling some syringes. The Vulcan's hands were clasped behind his back and his face was somewhat paler than usual.

"Doctor, I trust that you have my usual dose ready?"

"Hm? Oh hey there, Spock," said McCoy.

"Commander," Spock corrected him.

"Right, Commander," McCoy said, holding up a hypospray. "Got it right here."

"Very good."

"Any change in your symptoms?" McCoy asked.

Spock seemed to think about this for a moment.

"As a matter of fact, yes..." he said slowly. "I am experiencing more pain than usual; however, I cannot provide you with a logical explanation."

McCoy frowned. "Interesting. Well, let me know if the pain doesn't go away after this then. I may have to up your dose."

"Certainly."

"By the way, Commander," McCoy said as he injected Spock. "Not that it's really any of my business or anything..."

"Then I recommend that you refrain from asking your question."

McCoy did his best not to glare at the Vulcan.

"All right, I'm going to say this differently," he said. " _I know_ that this is none of my business, but what's been going on between you and the captain?"

"That is a personal matter, Doctor," replied Spock. "One that I do not think concerns you."

"Well, what if it could be medically relevant?" McCoy asked.

Spock's posture slightly stiffened, his subtle action did not go unnoticed by the doctor. McCoy eyed the Vulcan carefully.

"I have a feeling there's something you're not telling me," said McCoy. "In regards to your symptoms, I mean."

Spock's lips pressed into a thin line.

"If I share with you my thoughts, I must have your word that our conversation will not leave this room," said Spock.

"Oh, cross my heart," McCoy said with very faint sarcasm. "I won't tell a soul."

"Very well," Spock said with a very small sigh. "Some time ago, the Captain and I took part in an intimate human interaction."

The doctor blinked rapidly. A light frown formed on his face as he processed the information.

"You guys _what_? Oh god, do I even want to hear about this?"

"You stated this could be medically relevant."

McCoy lightly groaned. "Yeah, yeah I did. _Geezus_ , what did I just get myself into? Okay, go on."

"The intensity of the action was not what I believe you are imagining," Spock said in a clipped tone. "The Captain and I merely exchanged a human kiss."

"What? Is that all?" asked McCoy. "Then why didn't you just say that in the first place, you crazy hobgoblin! Could just tell me things in plain English instead of—"

Spock appeared to ignore the doctor's outburst and continued speaking. "At first, I was surprised by the Captain's forwardness; however, I must admit that I was not repulsed by his advances. On the contrary, I do reciprocate the Captain's feelings."

"...is like listening to a damn soap opera—"

"Unfortunately, in the midst of returning the Captain's affections I was given a sharp mental pain as a none to kind reminder that I am mortally bound to another, a pain that intensifies when I am within close proximity of the Captain."

McCoy halted in his tirade and confusion began to spread on his face.

"Hence why I have not been working alongside the Captain, as well as sought out your assistance in easing my discomfort," Spock concluded.

"Wait, wait, wait, back up a second," said McCoy. "The headaches started _after_ you and Jim started sucking faces?"

"If you wish to be technical, it was sometime during the act," Spock replied.

"All right, fine. During," McCoy said. "And you're saying the kiss caused the headache?"

"Correct."

"Because you're bound to someone else?"

"That is also correct."

"I'm sorry," McCoy said. "I don't think I'm really understanding something here. When you say bound..."

"Are you aware of Vulcan mating customs, Dr. McCoy?" Spock asked.

"Um, no," McCoy replied. "To be fair, it's not like you guys are very open about sharing your culture with the rest of the universe."

"Point made," said Spock. "Then allow me to educate you."

"Please."

"An essential aspect to prolonging a Vulcan's life is to be bonded to another."

"There's that word again," said McCoy. " _Bonded_. I'm getting the sense that it's important somehow, but you're not exactly being very clear here."

"I have only just begun in giving my explanation," Spock said, eyebrow slightly arched. "Perhaps you would like to allow me to finish without further interruption."

"Heh. Yeah, go on, I'm listening," McCoy said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"In the later stages of life, Vulcans typically go through a transitioning period," Spock continued. "The concept is somewhat similar to the human life stage of puberty."

"Okay..." said McCoy. "So what's the difference?"

"The difference, Doctor," said Spock. "Is that unlike humans, who tend to share intimacy with multiple partners—which may very well be a strong contributing factor to the unstable marital culture of the species—Vulcans, in contrast, must mate for life."

"Must?" McCoy questioned. "You make that sound mandatory."

"That is correct."

McCoy frowned. "I don't follow."

"However, theoretically, a Vulcan can have more than one lifetime partner," said Spock. "For example, if the first partner dies too soon, then a new one must be sought out for the sake of survival."

"See," said McCoy. "I think that's the part I don't get. Survival?"

"A Vulcan typically transitions into full adulthood at the age of twenty. From that point on, we enter a state of Pon Farr approximately every seven years."

"Pon Farr?"

"An...inconvenience," said Spock. "To put it simply, during Pon Farr, a Vulcan must mate usually within eight days or be at risk for death."

McCoy's eyes widened somewhat. Spock continued.

"This is one of the reasons why Vulcans prefer to choose one mate to last the extent of a lifetime. By making such a commitment, they provide each other with the security that they will not need to worry about the possibility of death."

"That's crazy," said McCoy. "Just out of curiosity, do Vulcans even marry for love then? Or is everything just based on necessity."

"Love is an emotion," said Spock. "Vulcans neither embrace nor express emotions. Traditionally, most Vulcans are pre-bonded as children."

"So like an arranged marriage?"

"Precisely."

"Okay, so what's a pre-bond?" asked McCoy.

"It is a light bond, much like the human engagement ring. It is still weak, so it can easily be broken if both parties wish for it, though this is not ideal," said Spock.

"So how does it become permanent?"

"Once one or both partners enter a state of Pon Farr, there is a melding process that occurs during intercourse that solidifies the bond, making it permanent."

"Wait a minute," said McCoy. "You said earlier that Vulcans go through Pon Farr every seven years. Then shouldn't you be dead by now?"

"Technically, yes," said Spock. "However, I am only half-Vulcan, which may be a significant factor as to why I have not yet experienced my Time. I am also the only half-Vulcan, half-human hybrid in existence among the Vulcan race. Therefore, unfortunately, there is no prior research available that can support my claim. It is merely only a theory."

"I see," said McCoy. "Okay, so tell me something, are you pre-bonded?"

"Yes," said Spock. "Due to the fact that half of my hereditary composition stems from the human race, I am a highly unfavorable prospect in the Vulcan community. It is only through my father's political influence that I was able to obtain a partner at a young age. Her name is T'Pring. She is currently on New Vulcan, where my father is helping to build a new foundation for our people."

"Ah, I see. Well I guess now it makes a little more sense why you've been avoiding Jim," said McCoy.

"On the contrary, Doctor," said Spock. "That is not my true reason. I do not wish to avoid the Captain."

"I don't get it," said McCoy. "Then what is the reason?"

"Though we are not within close proximity, the bond allows T'Pring to feel anything I feel," said Spock. "Our bond is not yet strong enough for her to look into my thoughts; however, I believe she has sensed my moment of infidelity."

"So then the headaches?"

"Are a side effect. She is projecting unto me her displeasure."

McCoy frowned. "You said something about them intensifying around Jim?"

"Ah. It is possible she can sense when the Captain is close by," said Spock. "Perhaps there is a subtle shift she feels in our connection of which I am unaware."

"Geez. Short leash much?"

"Pardon?"

"Never mind, so—"

"Do you love her?" said another voice, cutting McCoy off.

Both men looked in the direction of the voice. A curtain swished open to the side, revealing Jim's presence. Spock briefly looked in McCoy's direction.

"Doctor..." he said.

"You never asked if anyone else was in here," McCoy shrugged. "Also, I promised you that nothing would leave this room. Jim happens to be in the room too."

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"The idea was sort of inspired by something he said to me earlier, actually," McCoy said, tilting his head slightly in Jim's direction.

The eyebrow lowered.

"I guess that kind of explains why you were feeling a little more pain than usual earlier, huh?" asked McCoy. "Since Jim's in the room? How are you feeling now?"

"Fine," Spock said tersely. "Your earlier dosage is proving effective for the moment, Doctor."

"Do you love her?" Jim repeated softly.

The Vulcan's attention was now back on Jim.

"Captain," said Spock. "As I explained to Doctor McCoy—love is an emotion, something Vulcans do not embrace or express. It is an arrangement of necessity. Love is unnecessary."

"Is that a no then?" Jim asked.

"I harbor no feelings towards her," said Spock. "I believe she returns my sentiments."

"So then can't you just break it off?" asked Jim. "I thought I heard you say something earlier about that."

"It is possible, yes," said Spock. "However, I am expected to uphold my family obligations."

"So you would if you could?" Jim asked.

"Of course," replied Spock. "Captain, I—"

"Jim," said the other man. "Call me Jim."

Spock hesitated.

"Please," said Jim.

"Very well..." said Spock. "Jim. I believe an apology is in order."

Jim shook his head. "For what?"

"It was not by choice that I have been unable to be by your side," said Spock.

"It's all right, Spock," said Jim.

"No," Spock said, taking one step forward towards the other man. "You have been hurt."

"It's fine, now that I know the reason," said Jim. "I don't have a problem with not seeing you now that I know why. I mean, hell, you're engaged! What else am I supposed to do?"

"Indeed, I had not wanted to pursue anything further with you due to the circumstances," said Spock. "As I am expected to honor my family's arrangement."

"Yeah, I told you, Spock," said Jim. "I understand."

"However," Spock continued. "I was also unwilling to take a risk."

"Huh?" Jim frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Humans are not as consistent in their decisions as Vulcans," said Spock. "As I mentioned to the Doctor before, the human marital culture is most unstable."

Jim took a minute to process what Spock was saying. When he did, his eyes narrowed.

"What are you trying to say?" he asked somewhat angrily. "That my feelings for you aren't serious? Do you think I'll try to play you?"

"Whoa, now, Jim—" McCoy started to say.

"You stay out of this, Bones!" Jim said, looking at McCoy and pointing a finger at his friend.

He turned back to the Vulcan. "Well, Spock? Is that what you're saying?"

"A Vulcan must mate for life, Jim," Spock said calmly. "Are you willing to make such a commitment?"

"Of course I would, Spock! I don't understand why you think I wouldn't!"

"I have reason to believe—"

"Oh god..." Jim's eyes widened as he realized what Spock was getting at. "You're talking about what they say about me, right? You believe those rumors?"

Spock didn't respond. Jim's expression darkened.

"I can't believe it," Jim said somewhat bitterly. "You didn't want to take a chance on me because of some baseless rumors you heard. That's great. Forget the fact that my feelings for you are serious and that I don't mind spending the rest of my life with you, you bastard. Well best of luck to you then, I'm out of here."

Spock's hand quickly shot out and gripped Jim firmly by the wrist. "Jim."

"Let go."

"Jim, please—"

"Let. _Go_!"

"Forgive me," Spock said before forcefully pulling Jim to him and crushing their lips together.

Jim's eyes widened in shock. So did McCoy's. The doctor groaned inwardly and clapped a hand over his eyes.

 _"That's it,"_ he thought to himself. _"Now I've seen everything."_

Jim resisted at first, but then he allowed himself to give in to the kiss. In that moment, Spock was overwhelmed with the crushing wave of Jim's thoughts and emotions. As a result, he was able to see for himself Jim's true feelings. He came to a decision within himself just before the same searing pain that occurred the last time they kissed happened again, and Spock was forced to tear himself away from Jim. Spock held a hand to his head. Jim looked at him, somewhat breathless.

"Doctor," Spock growled.

"What, you guys do—shit, what happened!"

"Doctor, please, the medication."

"Yeah, right, right," said McCoy. "I'm on it."

Jim shook his head. "Spock, why did you do that? That was stupid! Look at this. You can't even be around me!"

Spock let out a small groan of relief as McCoy injected him with a hypospray. The pain in his head slowly began to subside. Jim sighed.

"Spock..." he said softly. "You all right...?"

He sighed again when the Vulcan didn't respond.

"Listen," he said. "I should go..."

"No."

Jim frowned. "Okay look, Spock, this is getting—"

"No, Jim," said Spock. "Please, remain."

Jim looked at the other man in confusion. "Spock..."

Spock lowered the hand from his head and slowly walked over to a communication screen. He pressed a few buttons and Chekov's bright face blipped into focus.

"Commander Spock!" he said with a smile.

"Ensign Chekov," said Spock. "Please set coordinates to put the ship on course for New Vulcan."

"Aye, sir!"

"Thank you, Ensign," Spock said.

He turned to face Jim after cutting off communications with Chekov.

"I trust you have no objections?" Spock asked.

"No, I guess not," Jim said, shaking his head. "But why do you want to go there?"

"I believe," said Spock. "That I have much to discuss with my father, and it will be a conversation best done in person."


	11. New Vulcan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this part of the fic was a little tricky for me. I had notes for this chapter, but they weren't as detailed as I made them for other chapters, so in a way I was half winging it with this bit.
> 
> And phew!! Cross-posting between fanfiction hosting sites is a lot more exhausting than I thought it would be! Lol! For the most part I've been keeping the authors notes the same, just editing certain parts that wouldn't make sense here. Anyway, onto the story!

_Chapter X: New Vulcan  
_

McCoy felt the muscles around his left eye twitch involuntarily. Spock had left the medical bay for the bridge a while ago, but Jim was still there, pacing back and forth in front of McCoy's desk. It was driving the doctor crazy. Finally, he just slammed his pen down on his desk. Jim stopped pacing and looked at his friend questioningly.

"What's wrong?" the blonde man asked.

"What's— _seriously_ , Jim? You're about to burn a hole in your shoes and possibly also my floor," McCoy said with clear exasperation. "Look man, if you've got something to say, just say it. If not, go back to your room or something instead of raising the damn temperature in my office unnecessarily with your movement."

"What do you think he wants to talk to his dad about?" Jim asked the minute McCoy finished his sentence.

The doctor sighed. "If you're talking about the hobgoblin, then your guess is as good as mine, Jim. I'm your friend, by the way, not your relationship counselor."

"We're not together," Jim said, frowning. "And he's engaged!"

"Well you could've fooled me into believing that fact didn't faze you a bit," said McCoy. "The way you two were just going at it, and in my sickbay, no less! Dammit, Jim, I'm not going to be able to go to that section of the room until it's been disinfected."

"Oh quit being such a princess."

"Says the queen of drama herself," McCoy muttered quietly.

"Seriously though," said Jim. "Wonder why he wants to go back to Vulcan all of a sudden."

"Maybe to call off the engagement," McCoy said with a slight shrug. "That seems to make sense to me, given everything that's just happened. But the fact is, Jim, _I don't know_ , and neither do you. So I think you should just go to your room and hit the sack. Or chug a beer. Just kick back and _relax_ , Jim."

"Yeah, all right," said Jim. "Sorry man."

"I'll believe those words when you don't come back to visit me for a few hours," said McCoy.

Jim chuckled. "Asshole."

"Hey, this isn't summer camp," McCoy said with a small smile. "Get out of here man."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm goin', I'm goin'," Jim said as he stepped out of the room.

McCoy returned his attention to the papers on his desk. Jim popped his head back into the room.

"Hey, you think it's possible he's going there to get married? I mean—"

McCoy groaned and almost slammed his head to his desk.

"For Pete's sake, Jim! Do I have to give you a physician's order or something? Because I'll do it, if that's what it takes!"

"All right, all right," said Jim. "Chill out man. I'm gone."

Jim disappeared back behind McCoy's door and the doctor let out a huge sigh of relief when the door slid shut.

 _"Maybe I should ask Scotty to fix up a passcode lock for my office door,"_ McCoy thought to himself. _"Wonder if the guy would be willing to rig one up for me."_

####

When Jim got back to his room he flopped dejectedly on his couch. Lying down longways, he put a hand behind his head and glared up at the ceiling, as if that would answer the many questions that were on his mind. On the one hand, if McCoy really was right and Spock really was going to New Vulcan to break off the engagement, then Jim couldn't say he wasn't happy about it. On the other hand, there was still a chance that Spock would be going there to get married, either by choice or by force. After all, Spock had said something about being obligated to respect his family's wishes, and who was Jim to stop that? Furthermore, even if Spock was determined to break off the engagement, there was also the matter of the Vulcan's father. From what Jim could recall of Sarek, he imagined that the older Vulcan would not take it too kindly if Spock backed out of the arrangement. And even if by some off chance Spock were allowed to terminate things, there still was no guarantee that Spock would openly choose him as a partner; Jim wasn't sure how the Vulcans felt about same-sex relationships.

It wasn't like Jim to think so pessimistically, but he was nervous. Not to mention the list of potential complications just seemed to go on and on. His stressing thoughts were interrupted though, by a beeping coming from his communicator, which was on the table next to him. Jim picked up the device and cleared his throat before answering.

"Yeah, hello? This is Captain Kirk," he said.

_"Captain."_

Jim immediately recognized the voice and he started to feel a little warm. "Uh, hey, Spock. I told you that you can call me Jim."

 _"That does not appear to be appropriate at this time,"_ came Spock's voice through the connection. _"Though I have made note for the future."_

Jim half-smiled. "Okay. So what's up?"

 _"Captain, the Enterprise is within orbit of New Vulcan,"_ said Spock. _"I will be in the transporter room in less than five minutes."_

"All right, I'll be there to see you off," said Jim.

_"I was hoping you would accompany me."_

Jim didn't say anything at first. He just stared at his communicator.

_"Captain?"_

"Sorry, what?" Jim asked. "You want me to go down there with you?"

_"Affirmative."_

"Uh, but aren't you going to have a serious talk with your dad?" Jim asked. "I'm not sure how much it's going to help you if I'm there."

_"It will help."_

"You sure about that, Spock? Your dad and I aren't exactly peachy," Jim said, grimacing. "I'm sure I left a pretty lasting first impression that first time after the Romulans..."

Jim trailed off. He didn't really know how to finish that sentence. Spock responded quickly though, with no trace of anything other than calmness in his tone.

 _"I am most certain,"_ he said. _"Please meet me in the transporter room. I will be waiting."_

Then there was a brief spell of white noise as Spock cut off the connection. Jim sat back and looked at the communicator in his hand for a minute. He let out a breath of air before getting up from his seat and walking over to where he kept his clothes. Jim quickly rifled through his selection and changed into a uniform that he thought looked most formal. Jim had several outfits that he usually only wore during what he considered to be more serious occasions. The one he chose before heading to the transporter room was a dark navy blue top with gold trim and black pants.

When Jim made it to the transporter room, Spock greeted him with a slightly raised eyebrow. If Jim didn't know any better, he would say the Vulcan's eyes were twinkling with mild amusement. The blonde captain gave his first officer a quick nod before taking his place on the beaming pad. He was standing somewhat stiffly and the slight clenching of the jaw and subtle fidgeting of his fingers betrayed his nervousness. The Vulcan observed all this and the corners of his lips upturned into the faintest of smiles.

"Are you all right, Captain?" he asked.

"Yeah, fine, never been better," Jim said quickly and still staring straight ahead of him.

"Very well," said Spock. "I see you've dressed for the occasion."

"Seemed appropriate," Jim mumbled.

"Indeed," Spock said in a lightly amused tone.

The Vulcan looked in the direction of the young man working the transporting controls. "Mr. Clarke, please beam us down."

"Aye, sir."

The young man punched in a few commands on his screen and the machine transported both Spock and Jim to a place just in front of the entrance leading to the Vulcan High Council. Both men took a minute to gather their bearings. Spock was the first to move.

"So just out of curiosity, Spock," Jim said as he followed the Vulcan. "You going to let me in on your little plan that you've obviously got going on in that brain of yours? What exactly is my role in all this?"

Spock had been about to answer Jim, but he was interrupted by a voice that was rather familiar to him.

"Well if it isn't the half-breed," came a cool, clipped voice. "And I see you've brought your pet degenerate with you."

Both Spock and Jim turned in the direction of the voice.

"Stonn," Spock said drily.

Jim could feel the heavy tension in the air. It was clear that Spock and this tall, stern Vulcan were not on good terms. Jim couldn't help wondering what the story was behind that.

"Sarek has been expecting you, S'chn T'gai Spock," said the Vulcan named Stonn. "In fact, it is a wonder you did not come sooner. He has known for quite some time now."

"Is that so?" Spock asked with a slightly raised eyebrow. "Then I suppose I should not delay my meeting with him for much longer."

"Yes, that would be most logical, wouldn't it?" said Stonn. "This way."

The Vulcan then turned around and began leading Spock and Jim to where Sarek would be. Jim leaned slightly over to Spock as they walked.

"What did he call you?" he asked with a whisper and a slight frown on his face. "I don't even think I can repeat what he said."

"S'chn T'gai. Part of my full name," said Spock. "It is difficult for most humans to pronounce, hence why I ask to be called Spock."

"Ah. I guess that makes sense."

The trio soon stepped into what looked like an elaborate conference room. Sarek was at one end of the rectangular table and there was a young woman sitting beside him, who Jim assumed was T'Pring. From what he could tell, she looked to be as cold and stiff as Stonn. Both she and Sarek stood as Spock approached them. Spock gave his father a small but respectful bow.

"Spock."

"Father," said Spock. "I was told that you were informed of my reasons for being here."

"That is correct," said Sarek. "However, I would like to hear it from you myself. Messengers do not always carry reliable information."

Under different circumstances, Spock may have allowed himself to give his father a light smile. Instead he settled in giving his father a small nod.

"Of course," he said, hands clasped behind his back. "I will be brief. I wish to relinquish the bond between myself and T'Pring."

"Your reason?"

"I believe that T'Pring also shares the same sentiment."

"Oh, do tell him the _full_ reason, Spock," T'Pring said cooly.

"T'Pring," said Spock. "I do not recommend—"

"You see!" T'Pring said to Sarek, her voice becoming slightly shrilly. "He avoids the question because it's true! There is another woman! I have felt it all this time."

If Spock were to give in to expressing emotion, he may have let out an exasperated sigh. Jim shifted his weight uneasily on his feet. No one seemed to take much notice of him, but that didn't make the conversation any less awkward to listen to.

"I see that my attempt at providing you with a parting gift was futile," he said.

T'Pring looked at Spock, confusion flickering in her eyes for only an instant. "Parting gift?"

"I am well aware of the value you place on your reputation," said Spock. "Though I now see sparing you is unnecessary."

He turned to face Sarek.

"Father it is true as she says," said Spock. "There is another. However, T'Pring is guilty of the same."

"H-how dare you—"

"My choice to not acknowledge your activities does not mean I have not been aware of them," Spock said, effectively silencing T'Pring.

A light frown formed across Sarek's face. "Clarify your meaning, Spock."

"Some time ago I became aware of T'Pring's affections for another," said Spock. "However, I hold no personal attachments to her and therefore disregarded her actions."

Sarek turned to T'Pring. "And is this true, T'Pring? You have a desire to be bonded with another?"

T'Pring's eyes briefly flitted in Stonn's direction. Jim couldn't help but raise an eyebrow, Spock style.

 _"It's like we're on a reality show or something,"_ Jim thought to himself.

T'Pring looked back at Sarek. She spoke her next words slowly, as if she had been making sure to choose her words carefully.

"I...cannot call your son a liar," she said ruefully.

"Then I have heard enough. I will arrange for a healer to sever the link," Sarek said before turning to his son. "Spock."

"Yes, Father?"

"It is imperative that we find you another partner as soon as possible," said Sarek. "We must not put your health at risk."

"I understand and have already chosen for myself a suitable individual," said Spock. "Jim, please step forward."

Everyone was suddenly staring at Jim. The blonde's eyes widened and Jim felt like he was frozen in place. He would be lying if he said he wasn't happy, but from his point of view Spock's timing couldn't have possibly been worse.

"A man?" T'Pring asked.

Then there was also that problem. Jim wasn't sure what the attitude was on Vulcan towards same-sex relationships.

"A _human_ man," Stonn said with distaste.

And of course, Jim supposed, being human was also a problem too. Jim was well aware that being human was considered a great weakness on Vulcan.

"I would refrain from judgment," said Spock. "As Jim is the reason why T'Pring is now free to choose whoever she wishes, Stonn."

Stonn's lips pressed into a very firm line. He said no more. Sarek looked at his son, unamused.

"Am I truly to believe that you have chosen the Enterprise's captain?" Sarek asked.

"Indeed, Father," said Spock. "I am most certain of my choice."

"A highly illogical choice."

"Father, if it is due to what transpired during the Romulan attacks—"

"I have already forgiven him for that," Sarek said, cutting his son off.

Jim had to admit he was relieved to hear the man say that. It was one of those things Jim had always worried about, ever since his fight with Spock on the bridge shortly after his return from Delta Vega.

"Sir," Jim said, somehow finding his voice. "If it's because we're both men..."

"Gender is of no consequence to Vulcans when choosing a partner," said Sarek. "I am more concerned with the fact that my son has chosen one from your species."

"You chose mother," said Spock. "My choice does not much differ from your own."

"And yet I still ask that you reconsider, Spock," said Sarek. "Even if you both were to rely on Vulcan sciences in order to procreate, your children—"

"The Vulcan gene is dominant, Father," said Spock. "Any children Jim and I decide to have will likely carry Vulcan characteristics."

"It is also possible for recessive traits to subdue the dominant ones."

"Even with that possibility I do not forsee a change in my position."

"...very well," Sarek said.

His facial expression remained mostly neutral, only his eyes seemed to betray feelings of mild exasperation towards his son. "We will further discuss the matter later. For now, I will summon the healer."

Spock gave Sarek another slight bow. "Thank you, Father."

Sarek left the room. T'Pring began to walk towards Stonn, but stopped momentarily by Spock's side. She hesitantly held out her hand. Spock raised an eyebrow.

"Something you wish to say?" he asked.

"If you don't mind," said T'Pring.

"Very well."

T'Pring gently brushed her fingers against Spock's wrist, creating a very light mental communication link.

 _"I believe I have misjudged your character,"_ she said.

_"If that is an apology, then I accept."_

T'Pring mentally half-smiled. _"Good luck, Spock. He seems...good for you."_

_"I do not believe I require your approval."_

_"Of course, he is also the reason Stonn and I can now be together. Perhaps I am merely expressing my relief."_

_"Hm."_

_"Spock. Regarding my prior actions, I—"_

_"You were quite theatrical."_

_"At the time I had thought it was the only way to get what I wanted."_

_"All is now past, T'Pring."_

Outside of their mental link, T'Pring gave Spock a slightly curious look.

 _"I've truly misjudged you,"_ she said.

 _"Stonn waits for you,"_ Spock replied.

 _"As does your captain,"_ said T'Pring.

_"Then we should not have them wait any longer."_

_"Agreed."_

T'Pring then lifted her fingers from Spock's wrist and walked somewhat swiftly over to a frowning Stonn. The man's face became less tense after T'Pring clasped her hand in his own. The tall Vulcan took one look at Spock and gave him a short nod before leading T'Pring away. After they had gone, Spock moved closer to Jim. The blonde captain looked at him with a blank look on his face. Spock half-smiled.

"So Spock," Jim said somewhat slowly after finding his voice. "I wouldn't exactly say that was your smoothest of deliveries."

"And yet we have still achieved the desired result," said Spock.

Jim gave the Vulcan a small smile. "Yeah, I guess we did."

"Shall we take a look around while we wait for the healer?"

"Sure."

####

The Vulcan healer was able to sever the link almost effortlessly. Since Spock and T'Pring had no real physical or emotional attachment to each other outside of their childhood bond, neither really felt much different except for a very mild discomfort, which was a natural side effect from having a bond dissolved.

Sarek approached his son after having given him a few minutes to adjust. "Spock."

"Father," Spock acknowledged.

"I must ask you one last time to reconsider your choice," said Sarek. "We are still rebuilding our people. To bond with a human..."

"Is a decision I have made, one which I firmly stand by," said Spock. "With or without your approval, Father, I see myself with no one else."

Sarek may not have shown it, but it was clear that he was disappointed. "Very well, but should you change your mind—"

"I will not."

The older Vulcan looked at Spock with a somewhat unreadable expression.

"You have your mother's spirit," he said finally.

"I will accept that as a compliment," Spock said, and gave his father a small bow. "Forgive me, Father, but the captain and I cannot delay our return to the ship any longer."

Sarek gave his son a small nod. "Very well. Go."

Spock began to walk towards Jim when he was stopped by Stonn. Spock raised an eyebrow at the other Vulcan.

"I believe I should be thanking you," said Stonn somewhat stiffly.

The corners of Spock's lips twitched into a very faint smile.

"And I suppose T'Pring had a hand in inspiring this action?"

"Naturally. She is...quite forceful."

"Indeed."

"S'chn T'gai Spock," said Stonn. "Though we have never really seen eye to eye..."

He stopped when Spock held up his hand.

"Apologies are unnecessary. We all acted in self-interest."

Stonn nodded. "True. Then I suppose I can only wish you the best of luck."

"I offer you the same," Spock said before walking towards Jim again.

"Spock."

The other Vulcan turned and raised an eyebrow at Stonn.

"T'Pring and I have discussed...if there is anything we can do to assist you or your captain in the future..."

Spock's eyebrow arched a bit higher. "Duly noted."

He then turned back around and was able to reunite with Jim without further interruption. The two men began walking back to where the location where they would be beamed back onto the Enterprise. Jim was the first to break the silence.

"Hey, Spock," he said. "You really sure about this?"

Spock looked at Jim and tilted his head. "Pardon?"

"You know, _this_ ," Jim said gesturing between them. " _Us_. Are you sure, Spock?"

"I am most certain."

"What about what your dad said though?" Jim asked. "I mean, our being together means one less Vulcan to help grow your planet's population."

"Would you prefer it if I complied with my father's wishes?"

"No! I mean...not unless you wanted to," said Jim. "I'll admit, it wouldn't really be ideal if you did."

"Then I recommend that you do not continue to question my decision," said Spock.

"Yeah, all right," said Jim.

They stopped where they were supposed to wait in order to be beamed back aboard the Enterprise. Jim looked at Spock with seriousness in his eyes.

"Your dad though...I don't think he's happy with this. You still okay with it? I don't want to be the reason why your relationship goes sour."

Spock half-smiled. He knew how much Jim valued father-son relationships. The Vulcan nodded.

"He will come to accept this, in his own time," said Spock. "He is not so much upset that I have chosen you as he is upset I chose your species."

"Kind of ironic, don't you think?"

"Very," said Spock. "And yet, I understand. He fears my decision is the first step in contradicting his original intent."

"His original intent?"

"To unify the human and Vulcan races. Any children we have will only be a quarter Vulcan instead of half," said Spock. "And if they choose to marry a human as well..."

"Ah, I get it," Jim said, nodding. "It'll completely dilute the Vulcan in 'em."

"Something to that effect," said Spock. "Though ultimately, my father is only disappointed I have taken a step backward in furthering his political agenda."

Jim gave the Vulcan a small smile. "Think he'll come around?"

"I suspect he will," said Spock. "Eventually."

Jim chuckled. They stood there in silence for a few minutes. Finally, Jim lifted a hand and rubbed at the back of his neck with it.

"So uh, maybe this is a stupid question," said Jim. "But uh...where do we go from here?"

Spock tilted his head slightly to one side, a faint trace of amusement flickering in his eyes. "Perhaps you would like to ask Sulu to beam us back aboard the ship."

Jim scrunched his nose. "Well of course, _that's_ obvious, but that's not what I meant."

Spock allowed for himself to give Jim a small smile.

"Are you truly James T. Kirk, captain of the Enterprise?" said Spock. "Or perhaps an impostor with a very convincing disguise?"

Jim frowned. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"The captain I know is not one who likes to create and follow plans."

"Ha-ha, very funny, Spock."

The Vulcan eyed the blonde man affectionately. "Call the Enterprise, Jim. We must get going."

"Yeah, yeah," said Jim. "But after we get on board, we're going to need to talk about a lot of things."

"As you wish, Jim," said Spock.

For some reason, his words made Jim flush with happiness. The blonde captain suddenly formed a rather ferocious expression in attempts to dispel the blush that was taking over his face. He lifted a communicator out of one of his pockets to his lips and pressed a button before speaking into it.

"Kirk to Enterprise," said Jim. "Sulu! You there?"

There was a brief pause and some white noise before Sulu's familiar voice broke through. _"Yes, Captain! Sulu here!"_

"Good," said Jim. "Sulu, the commander and I are ready to come back on board the Enterprise. Can you beam us up?"

_"Aye, Captain!"_

"Thank you, Sulu," Jim said before cutting off the connection.

He then looked back at Spock and their eyes locked for a brief moment; Spock was more than happy to get lost in Jim's beautiful eyes. The last thing he saw right before they were both enveloped in a bright white light was the happiness clearly reflected in Jim's sky blue depths. It was only when he was absolutely certain that the other man couldn't see him that Spock allowed himself to smile, only for a blink of a second, just a little too widely for a proper Vulcan. His face had returned to its usual neutral expression by the time he and Jim had completely materialized on the ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a question for all you readers out there. To mpreg or not to mpreg? If I decide to let Spirk have some kids, it won't be until much later, but I'm just asking this out of curiosity. Do you all like reading mpregs? Or shall I conjure up some other fictitious method to allow them to have biological children? Let me know! I will take all responses into consideration—and of course, majority opinion will rule if a bunch of people decide to voice in.


	12. The Funny Thing About Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I fabricate some more stuff about Vulcan bonding. I also uh...make up some stuff about a plant, lol. Just a heads up.

_Chapter XI: The Funny Thing About Love  
_

It took Sarek an entire year before he could fully accept Spock's decision to bond with Jim. During that period of time though, Jim and Spock had been worrying about other things that seemed to impact the health of their relationship more than Sarek's final opinion would.

Like the way their first real date went, for example.

####

"Crap, crap, crap. What do I do?"

McCoy groaned inwardly and rubbed at the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb. Jim was back doing one of his favorite things—pacing back and forth in McCoy's small office. The doctor made a promise to himself to see a certain Scottish engineer about a door lock later on in the day.

"What do you mean, what do you do, Jim?" McCoy asked with a small sigh. "Just ask him out. It's not like he's a chick or anything. You don't have to bring him flowers."

"Well, what if he wants flowers?"

McCoy sighed again. "Then get him flowers. Seriously though, Jim, why are you doing this? It's not like you guys _aren't_ a couple, and the whole crew already accepts you guys as one. Why do you feel like you need to take the guy out on a date? You guys are pretty much official as it is."

"Yeah well, I talked to Uhura—she's taken some classes on Vulcan culture. Did you know those guys are abstinent their whole lives until they mate with their lifetime partner?"

"Okay," said McCoy. "So what's your point?"

"Are you serious? That means Spock is a _virgin_ , Bones! Don't you know what that means?"

McCoy put a hand over his face and groaned when Jim used the word virgin.

"I don't even know why I ask sometimes," he said. "I don't want to hear about half these things."

Jim frowned. "C'mon Bones, quit being such a prude. Live a little."

"Oh I live, Jim," McCoy grumbled. "I just choose not to live like you do."

"And that's why you're so cranky all the time," Jim said with a grin. "Listen, if you want, I could talk to Uhura. I'm sure she has friends—"

"Thanks, but no thanks, Jim," McCoy said, his face turning a little red. "I know how to get a girl just fine."

"Really? 'Cause if I didn't know any better, I'd say—"

"Aw hell, get out of here, Jim," McCoy said, shaking his head. "Don't you have a date you've got to plan out anyhow?"

"Okay, okay, geez man," said Jim. "I'm just trying to help a friend out."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," said McCoy. "Go on now, shoo."

"All right man, I'm goin'," Jim said with a playful grin. "What do you think though? Should I stop by Botany Lab? Pick up some flowers?"

Jim quickly ducked out of the office, laughing as McCoy's pen whizzed by his head, just barely missing him.

"Get out!"

####

"Lieutenant, if I may speak with you for a moment."

Uhura looked up from her meal and smiled at Spock. "Of course, Spock. What is it?"

The Vulcan slightly tipped his head down at the seat in front of him. "Do you mind?"

"No, no! Not at all! Go ahead and sit down, Spock," said Uhura.

"Thank you, lieutenant."

Uhura waited a few minutes to allow her commander to settle. "So, what brings you to mess?"

"I would like you ask your advice on an important matter," said Spock. "Regarding our captain."

 _"Oh, this should be good,"_ Uhura thought to herself.

It had taken her a bit of time to get fully used to it, but now she occasionally found herself genuinely curious about Jim and Spock's relationship. Being a girl probably had a little to do with it as well—after all, what girl didn't like a little relationship pillow talk?

"Sure Spock, go ahead, I'm listening," she said. "I'll help you out if I can."

Spock nodded.

"Any insight you can provide would be most helpful," he said. "As I am not familiar with human mating customs."

Uhura tilted her head to one side with a confused expression on her face. "I'm sorry Spock, I'm not sure what you're trying to ask."

"Of course, allow me to clarify," Spock said with a nod, as if he had been expecting as much. "Vulcans typically do not and are also not expected to court the individual with whom they wish to mate; however, I am well aware that most of your species expects something of the sort."

Uhura thought about Spock's words for a moment. "It sounds like you're talking about dating."

"Affirmative," Spock said with a nod. "Though why humans waste so much time choosing their partner through trial and error rather than by logically choosing their partner based on compatibility of minds is beyond my comprehension."

"Yeah, it is kind of a wonder why we haven't picked up on that method yet, huh?" Uhura said, laughing softly. "It definitely would make things much easier."

"Indeed," said Spock.

"So is that what you're asking for advice on?" Uhura asked. "How to date?"

"Yes," said Spock. "I have reason to believe that Jim would prefer our relationship progress in a more human fashion as opposed to a Vulcan one."

Uhura looked touched. "Oh Spock! That is just so sweet."

Spock arched an eyebrow. Uhura smiled.

"Oh, never mind what I just said," Uhura said with a laugh. "Don't even worry about it. Just listen closely, I'll tell you everything you'll ever need to know..."

####

Jim couldn't remember the last time he felt so nervous. In fact, the more he thought about it, Jim didn't think he had ever felt anything other than sheer confidence before when trying to pursue someone romantically. There was a first time for everything though, Jim supposed.

He was soon outside Spock's door with some random species of flowers in hand—Jim hadn't exactly _asked_ , he just popped into the ship's botany lab and just picked out a random bunch of flowers that looked pretty. The ones he had chosen were a nice desert red, something he hoped Spock would appreciate. Jim pressed a button on a keypad that would activate the doorbell. He then took a step back and waited. After about five minutes of silence Jim frowned and pressed the button again. When there was still no response Jim internally debated whether or not he should let himself inside and wait. He eventually decided that waiting in Spock's quarters would be in bad taste in this particular situation, so he opted for going back to his room instead. He was surprised to see the Vulcan waiting for him outside his own door. The Vulcan seemed equally surprised to see Jim coming towards him from the hall instead of from out of his room.

"Forgive me," said Spock. "I should not have made the assumption you would be in your room."

Jim shrugged. "It's all right. I usually am around this time, so it makes sense you would think that. I did the same thing, actually. I just came from your place."

Spock gave him a questioning look. Jim held out the bouquet of flowers he had been holding, which Spock accepted graciously before regarding Jim with an arched eyebrow. Jim lifted one of his hands and rubbed at the back of his neck.

"Thought you might like them," Jim said with a slight shrug.

Spock looked confused. "Thank you, but I'm afraid I do not quite understand the gesture."

Jim mentally kicked himself. Of course the gesture would be lost on Spock, he realized. Vulcans weren't exactly known for showering their partners with gifts.

"Flowers," Jim explained. "You know on a first date, usually the guy gets the girl flowers?"

"I see," Spock said, looking somewhat amused. "Do you see me as a woman, Jim?"

"What? No!" Jim said, frowning. "That's not what I'm trying to say. I mean, to be honest I never really thought of either of us being one role or the other."

"I suppose that is a fair statement," Spock agreed. "I believe I share the same sentiment—though I suppose time will tell."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Perhaps nothing," Spock said, the ends of his lips quirking up into a very light smile. "Perhaps nothing. Dinner, Jim?"

The blonde captain blinked. "Are you asking me?"

"Indeed."

"Oh, uh...sure, I guess."

"Shall we go then?"

"Yeah, all right," Jim said as he found himself automatically following Spock down the hall.

A few minutes later, they walked into the ship's cafeteria. It appeared that Spock had claimed the area for the night—usually the cafeteria was buzzing with activity after Gamma shift, but tonight it was pretty empty. The few crew members present also seemed to be informed of whatever Spock had planned, because they were waiting by an unusually fancy set-up, as if they were waiters and waitresses awaiting their orders. Spock gestured for Jim to take a seat and waited for Jim to settle in before he sat down himself. Jim picked up one of the menus and eyed it curiously.

"Since when do we have menus that look like this?" Jim asked, looking up at Spock. "What happened to ordering from one of the PADD kiosks? I haven't seen paper menus like this in a long time."

"I was informed that you might appreciate the gesture, so I had one of the cadets make them for us," Spock said while reaching a hand up to his face and scratching at it.

"Huh...well, yeah, I guess it is nice. Thanks," Jim said, looking down at the menu and then back up at Spock again. "So who did you talk to, anyway? Couldn't have been Bones, right? I can't imagine him giving out romantic advice."

"Not at all," Spock agreed. "I spoke with Lieutenant Uhura."

"Ah, figures."

"Indeed. A logical deduction," Spock said, scratching at his neck this time.

"Hey, you all right, Spock?" Jim asked.

"Yes, I am fine," Spock said, nodding. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's just a little weird, I guess," Jim said, frowning a little. "I mean, you're usually pretty controlled in your movements and stuff. I don't think I've ever really seen you scratch yourself like you're doing right now?"

Spock seemed to consider Jim's words a moment. "I suppose you're right."

"Hm, maybe we should—"

"Captain!"

Jim turned in the direction of the voice that had cut him off mid-sentence. It was one of the ship's scientists, standing by the entrance and clearly out of breath.

"I've been looking for you _everywhere_ ," the young woman said.

Jim stood up. "Oh yeah? Well, you've found me. What's up?"

"One of the cadets informed me that you had taken something out of the—ah! There it is!" the lady scientist said, quickly strapping on a pair of gloves and rushing towards Jim and Spock's table. "The Crimson Dust roses."

"Oh yeah, sorry for taking them without asking," said Jim. "I wanted to get something for Spock."

"I understand, Captain," the woman said, shaking her head. "But these roses are—oh dear god!"

The woman dropped the Crimson Dust bouquet and lifted a hand up in front of her mouth, but not actually over it.

"Huh?" Jim said, confused. "What's wrong?"

His confusion turned into horror when he followed her gaze. "Holy shit! Spock!"

"What is it, Jim?" Spock asked, who was now scratching at a face covered in purple splotches that went down his neck and were also all over his arms.

"Oh my god, I think I'm having a really bad flashback," Jim said, referring to his unpleasant experience from the Melvaran mud flea vaccination with McCoy a couple years before.

Spock's face was starting to drain in color. He looked down at his hands, which were breaking out severely.

"Interesting..." he murmured before looking up at the other two. "I'm afraid I'm beginning to feel a little lightheaded."

"You've got to get him to medical bay, quickly," the scientist said to Jim. "I don't know how you're immune to it, sir, but from research we've been doing at the lab, most species appear to be highly allergic to the Crimson Dust flower."

"Well shit, is it contagious? Can I touch him?" Jim asked.

"I strongly advise against it," said the scientist, shaking her head. "Though we still need to do more testing to get a better understanding of the side effects from exposure to the plant, I suggest that you refrain from close contact with the commander as much as possible, until we are completely sure of all the risks."

"Yeah well fuck it. I've already touched the damn thing and I haven't died yet, so I'll take the risk," Jim said, moving towards Spock. "Come on Spock, you said you're feeling funny, right? Get on my back. I'll carry you to Bones."

"Jim," said Spock. "I do not think—"

"Aw, just shut up and get on my back, Spock," said Jim. "Save the lecture for later. Let's just make sure you stay alive, yeah? Come on!"

Spock reluctantly got on Jim's back. He clasped his arms in front of Jim's chest and took great care not to touch any exposed skin. Jim hoisted the Vulcan up a little higher before moving.

"You're a little heavier than I expected," Jim said with a chuckle. "Don't worry though, I've got you. I can handle it."

Spock just grunted in response. Jim hurried out of the cafeteria and walked into the nearest turbolift. He punched in the keycode that would transport them to McCoy's medical bay and let out a small sigh afterward.

"Listen, Spock..."

"It's all right, Jim," said Spock. "Aside from the itching and mild dizziness, I do not think—"

"Still, even if you think it's not that bad, I'm sorry," Jim said, cutting the Vulcan off. "It was probably a bad idea to get you flowers anyway, in general."

"On the contrary, Jim," Spock said softly as they entered McCoy's medical bay. "Allergic reaction aside, the gesture was most appreciated."

Despite the lousy situation, Jim couldn't help but smile at the Vulcan's words.

####

For a while, the two of them seemed to fight more frequently too, mostly because Spock's moods were starting to become more and more unpredictable with each passing day. Of course, had either of them been in a clearer state of mind, they both may have realized why exactly that was. They were so distracted by trying to go about things "properly" that they had forgotten a very important component to their relationship. Spock was no longer connected to T'Pring and in the Vulcan sense, he was still very much unattached. Sure he was in a relationship with Jim, but they hadn't bonded yet, which was a huge problem since Spock was getting closer to entering Pon Farr.

####

Lately Spock was feeling unusually frustrated; he went through the ups and downs of wanting to be around Jim constantly to being annoyed by his very presence. It wasn't logical, and of course that's what bothered Spock the most, the fact that there seemed to be no explanation for his strange mood swings.

In the last few days, Spock found himself going back and forth between the two extremes at an even faster rate—instead of changing in mood from day to day, his personality seemed to be shifting from hour to hour. The worst of it was, Spock couldn't seem to find a way to completely suppress or control it. Sure there was meditation, but Spock found that to be a rather temporary solution, and even the effectiveness of that method was rapidly diminishing. He knew he had to figure things out soon though, especially because he knew Jim would eventually lose his patience. And then he finally did one day at some point during Beta shift.

"Hey Spock, what's the next stop on the list?"

"Korris I. We are to pick up and transport several shipments from that planet," said Spock. "Jim, I have read you our list of assignments from the Federation multiple times today. It appears you are having extreme difficulty remembering things. Perhaps you should start bringing your PADD to the bridge so that you may have a copy of the list each day."

Jim frowned. "Spock, I'm human, not Vulcan; I forget things. And me bringing a PADD to the bridge every day would be ridiculous. Admiral Pike didn't even do that when he was captaining the Enterprise."

"Perhaps he was far more competent as a captain."

There was a sudden hushed silence that fell upon the bridge. All eyes were on Jim to see how he would react. Sure, their Vulcan commander hadn't exactly been saying the nicest things to their captain all week, but they had mostly been comments on how illogical some of Jim's ideas had been and never about whether or not Jim was fit to be captain of the Enterprise. To Jim's credit, he reacted fairly reasonably.

"Sulu," he said while slowly getting out of his seat. "You have the conn."

"Aye, Captain."

"There's only a few minutes left on Beta shift. You should be fine, right?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Spock," Jim said, looking at the Vulcan. "Come with me, please?"

Even Spock knew that he had crossed a line. "Certainly. May I ask where we are going?"

"To some place where we can talk," Jim said as they began to walk side by side off the bridge. "Privately."

####

If they had been in a regular house on Earth, Jim might have slammed the door to his quarters behind him. Spock was already in the room; Jim had let him in first.

"What's your problem, huh?" Jim asked, glaring at the Vulcan. "Why are you so damn irritable today?"

Only Spock's eyes betrayed his stormy mood. He responded stiffly.

"It is not something I feel the need to discuss."

"Bullshit! Your crankiness is affecting everyone on this damn ship," Jim fired back. "Not to mention I think that I of all people should have a right to know what's going on, as your captain and as...well, as your boyfriend."

Jim had said that last part somewhat softly. "Come on, Spock...just tell me what's wrong. Is it something I did? Something I said?"

"...not directly," Spock said with slight hesitance.

Jim frowned. "What? What do you mean not directly? I indirectly did something that hurt you? What was it?"

"I do not fully understand it myself," said Spock. "These feelings I am experiencing are very foreign to me. I believe I will need to meditate on the matter."

"What is it with you Vulcans thinking meditation solves everything?" Jim asked, half-amused and shaking his head.

"On the contrary, when done properly, meditation can prove to be very effective in remedying most problems," said Spock.

"Well, whatever. The point I'm trying to make is that there's nothing wrong with embracing emotions, Spock," said Jim.

Spock allowed himself a very small smile at that; sometimes Jim reminded him so much of his mother.

"Listen, Spock," said Jim. "Can I make a suggestion? Something you can try instead?"

The Vulcan tilted his head slightly to one side before responding. "Certainly."

"How about talking to me about it? The things you're feeling? Think of it like you're meditating out loud," said Jim.

Spock looked skeptical. Jim chuckled.

"Come on Spock, just try it," he said. "And hey, if it doesn't work out then I'll leave you alone and you can do things your way."

The Vulcan considered Jim's words for a moment before responding. "Very well..."

"So let's start with what you're feeling, Spock," said Jim. "Aside from the obvious irritation and annoyance, is there anything else? Anything at all?"

Again Spock took a moment to think before replying. "I feel frustration and anger. In addition, strange as it may seem, I also feel an odd sense of longing."

"Longing?" Jim asked. "Longing for what?"

"I do not know," Spock replied. "All I know for certain is that it feels as if I'm missing something. Something important."

"Something important, huh? Interesting," said Jim. "Hey, earlier you mentioned me being somehow the reason for your constant change in moods. Still don't have any clue what it is?"

"No," Spock said, shaking his head. "Only that when I am around you I am no longer certain what's going to happen—there are certain emotions that I can no longer seem to control."

"Is that so? Interesting," said Jim.

He took a moment to think over Spock's words. Jim then looked up at Spock, eyes widening as he was struck with an idea. He took a few steps towards the Vulcan until they were within much closer proximity. He seemed pretty confident about his theory. The Vulcan, on the other hand, seemed rather confused by Jim's sudden actions. He shuddered involuntarily when Jim lightly skated his fingers down the side of his cheek. Jim furrowed his eyebrows together.

"Listen, Spock," he said. "I think I might have an idea about what's bothering you."

"Really," Spock said somewhat warily.

He couldn't help but feel a little bit skeptical; the other man didn't exactly always come up with the most plausible theories.

"Yeah," Jim said, nodding. "Just hear me out a sec."

Jim placed his hands on Spock's arms and started guiding the Vulcan backwards towards the bed. He maintained eye contact with Spock as he continued talking.

"So I did a bit of research after we came back from Vulcan II," said Jim.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "You did?"

He continued to walk backwards, one step at a time, following Jim's lead. The other man nodded again at him in response.

"Yeah, I did," he said. "Felt like it was important I learned as much as possible. You know, about you, the Vulcan culture, bonding, that sort of thing."

They stopped when they hit the foot of Jim's bed. Jim moved his hands from Spock's arms to his chest. Spock tilted his head very slightly.

"I am pleased to hear of your enthusiasm," he said.

"Well yeah of course. I mean, you went out of your way to break off your arranged marriage to T'Pring just so we could be together," said Jim. "And since we're going to be together for life, I wanted to make sure that I know everything I need to know. Hey, scoot back a little for me?"

Spock did as he asked. Jim then got into a sitting position on Spock's lap, straddling the Vulcan's thighs.

"Query," he said. "Where did you get your information?"

"Oh, I had a little chat with Stonn."

Spock's eyes narrowed. "Stonn..."

"Yeah. You know? He's actually not that bad a guy."

"Perhaps..." Spock said drily. "But I would prefer that you not continue to speak with him."

"Aw, c'mon now, Spock," said Jim. "Don't be like that. He was actually more than willing to answer my questions—"

"Questions that I could have answered," said Spock.

He shivered when Jim slid a hand underneath his shirt and ghosted his fingertips across the Vulcan's lower backside.

"True," said Jim. "But I don't think I really had the nerve to ask you."

Spock frowned. "You should never be afraid to ask me anything, Jim."

"Yeah, all right, I'm sorry," said Jim.

"When did you speak with him?" Spock asked.

"A couple days ago, actually," said Jim. "He gave me his contact information back when we were on Vulcan II. Said if I ever needed his help, to give him a call."

"I was...unaware that he made you that gesture," said Spock.

"Yeah, you were distracted," said Jim. "You and T'Pring were busy starin' at each other—which was pretty weird, by the way..."

"She wished to speak with me privately," Spock explained. "So we communicated through touch telepathy."

"Huh. That actually sounds pretty convenient," said Jim. "Think I could learn to do it with you?"

"Theoretically, yes," said Spock. "I believe my parents were able to do so."

"Cool," said Jim. "We should try it sometime."

"Indeed, though it may take some time."

"Well that's all right," Jim said, chuckling. "I mean, technically we've got the rest of our lives to figure it out, right?"

"Mm..." Spock hummed in agreement.

Jim slid his other hand underneath Spock's shirt and the Vulcan shuddered as Jim's hands glided across his chest. Spock's eyes fluttered involuntarily. Jim's lips curled into a flirtatious half-smile.

"Anyway, he told me something that I completely forgot about until now," Jim said, sliding his hands up Spock's shirt.

The Vulcan lifted his arms automatically as Jim tugged his shirt off up over his head; it was tossed carelessly to the ground.

"And...what might that be?" Spock asked.

A frown formed on his face as he tried to maintain concentration. Unfortunately, he found this to be extremely difficult as Jim's ministrations were starting to make him feel rather hazy.

"Well, I asked him if he knew anything about why you were going back and forth so much," Jim said, placing his hands on Spock's bare chest and pushing the Vulcan slowly down on the bed. "Going from a good mood one minute and then straight to a bad one the next. I knew it was probably a long shot to ask, but I also didn't see how it could've hurt. Bones sure didn't seem to know the answer."

"Was he able to answer your question?" Spock asked, looking up at Jim who was starting to take off his own top.

Jim stopped just before he pulled the shirt over his head. "Surprisingly? Yes. Slide up?"

Spock did as Jim requested as the other man finished taking off his shirt and tossing it aside. Spock was now most of the way on the bed. Jim was still above him and had moved as well so that he was still straddled by Spock's thighs. Jim lowered himself and slowly stretched himself out, placing his arms in the space on either side of Spock's head; their torsos were now touching and Jim's face hovered dangerously close to Spock's. The Vulcan's breath involuntarily hitched and his eyes were starting to become lidded.

"And what did he say to you?" Spock asked.

Another light shiver coursed through Spock's body as Jim bent his head and peppered a few light kisses down one side of his face.

"He said that your change in moods should be expected," said Jim. "That it's partially because you're no longer connected to anyone."

"I...I see," Spock said softly, eyes sliding shut.

He let out a small sigh and arched his back, his body lifting in response to Jim's fingers trailing down his chest. "And the other reason?"

"He gave two others, actually," Jim said as he slowly slid himself back into a sitting position, skating his fingers down Spock's sides.

"Really," Spock managed to say; his voice slightly strained. "Do enlighten me."

"Of course. You didn't even have to ask," Jim said with a small smile. "I was just about to."

Spock arched his back off the bed again as Jim moved himself down the Vulcan's thighs. Spock slowly curled fists around Jim's bedsheets. Jim began tugging at the Vulcan's pants. The Vulcan wasn't the only one feeling affected; Jim was starting to sweat a little now as well.

"He said that one of the reasons could be that you're getting closer to Pon Farr and that any hot reactions are probably out of instinct," said Jim. "He said that subconsciously your mind is searching for some sort of security, since you haven't bonded again with anyone yet."

Spock's only response to Jim was a light hiss as Jim gripped him through his clothes, sliding his hand up and down the fabric of his pants. Jim's own breathing was becoming ragged, his normally bright blue eyes darkening with lust. Unable to resist, Jim took a second to let go of Spock and stretched himself out again so that he could nibble lightly at one of Spock's ears. The Vulcan groaned and grabbed one of Jim's wrists with his hand, guiding it back down south.

"Jim, please..." he whispered.

The blonde man chuckled. "I will in a minute, don't worry. I've got to finish telling you what he said first; I wasn't done."

The Vulcan groaned again in frustration.

"No," he said. "I no longer care to hear about what Stonn had to say."

"Oh, but you'll like this though, listen!" Jim said as he slipped a hand down underneath Spock's waistband. "I only just figured it out myself."

Spock's only response was to moan and buck his hips in response to the pleasure he felt from the friction of Jim's hands and the rough fabric of his pants. Jim took his time, continuing to speak as he pumped Spock slowly.

"I don't know why I didn't realize it until now, I really should have put it all together sooner, I guess," said Jim. "I mean all the clues were there. I just don't know why I thought we were bonded simply because we were together all the time."

"Jim, please," said Spock. "If you really feel it necessary to explain...just get to the point."

"Yeah, right, I'm sorry," Jim said, shaking his head. "I guess I'm enjoying hearing you beg way too much."

Spock made a disapproving noise. Jim chuckled.

"According to Stonn, we still need to establish a formal Vulcan bond," said Jim. "For some reason it didn't click for me that just saying we were in a relationship doesn't cut it—that's just the human way of doing things."

Jim leaned his head down and felt a tingle go down his own spine when he pressed his lips against Spock's.

"Mm...anyway," said Jim. "He said you would take charge when it was time and we would establish the bond through intimacy, so I've just been waiting the whole time."

Spock let out another groan when Jim's moved his hand away as he began to work off Spock's pants. Spock arched his back yet again in order to allow for Jim to take off the rest of his clothes more easily, and he let out a small sigh of relief as he was freed of the restrictiveness of the tight fabric. Jim kept talking while sliding off his own pants.

"Then I remembered, Spock, you're a virgin," Jim said with a soft chuckle. "And then I realized, you must have no idea what in the world it is your body wanted you to be doing."

The Vulcan let out a shaky breath and moaned at the difference in feeling as Jim pumped him again, this time much faster since there was no longer anything restricting him from doing so. He shuddered when Jim slid his other hand atop one of Spock's thighs and the Vulcan automatically spread his legs open when Jim glided his fingers along the inside.

"That's okay though, you'll catch on quick, I'm sure," Jim said, his voice nothing more than a whisper. "I remember what it was like...to have no clue what I was doing."

Spock suddenly opened his eyes upon the sensation of feeling Jim swallowing him whole.

"Nngh!" he moaned, and his hands went from his sides to gripping Jim's hair, moving his hips slightly as Jim worked his length.

He loosened his grip when he felt Jim fight against him and released the other man completely in order to allow him to take a breath. Instead of going back down, however, Jim clamped a hand around Spock and began to pump him again while wetting several of the fingers of his free hand with his mouth. Once he had lubricated them enough, he pressed one of the fingers gently against Spock's entrance. Before doing anything else, Jim lifted his gaze and took a good, long look at Spock.

"Now Spock," said Jim. "What I'm about to do might cause you to feel a bit of pain. If at any point you want me to stop, you'd better let me know, okay?"

Spock only moaned in response.

"All right then," Jim said, wetting his bottom lip somewhat nervously with his tongue. "Here I go."

The Vulcan grunted in mild discomfort when Jim slipped in the first finger, but overall he seemed to welcome the intrusion. Jim moved his finger in and out slowly, taking great care not to hurt Spock. He slowly added another finger as the Vulcan began to loosen up. Finally, after much preparation, Jim pulled out his fingers and moaned softly as he began to prepare himself. After a few seconds he was ready, and he pressed himself gently against Spock. The Vulcan whimpered as Jim teased him with his length at his entrance; Jim leaned himself closer to Spock's ear as he stroked himself.

"I won't do it unless you tell me it's okay, Spock," Jim whispered lovingly to the Vulcan. "Tell me it's okay, Spock."

"Nn...yes, Jim," said Spock, who pressed his hands against Jim's lower backside in encouragement. "Yes."

"Mm," Jim murmured in response; that was all the encouragement the blonde man needed.

He pressed his face into the curve of Spock's neck as he entered the Vulcan. Both men let out gasps of pleasure and Jim moaned rather loudly, overwhelmed by the intense heat of the Vulcan's internal body temperature. Jim moved slowly at first, not wanting to hurt Spock, but gradually he began to pick up the pace. Spock was soon pushing back against him, and they eventually fell into a passionate rhythm.

Spock became rather shameless in expressing his pleasure and was particularly vocal when Jim managed to hit his prostrate. In addition to heightening his arousal, this event set off a chain of reactions and Jim experienced something that he had never felt before in a sexual encounter. He was suddenly overcome by a flurry of sensations that coursed throughout his body and his mind. Soon Jim felt like he was having an out of body experience; Jim hardly registered that he was nearing his climax because he was being overwhelmed by other sensations, such as the feeling of a strong bridge connecting him to Spock. The feeling cut off much sooner than he expected; however, and before he knew it, he felt himself being thrown back into his lovemaking session with Spock and collapsed against the Vulcan soon after reaching his climax.

The two of them laid there a while, against each other, both of them breathing harshly as if they had just finished running a marathon race. Jim eventually found the strength to pull out of the Vulcan and slowly roll to the side. Spock wrapped an arm around him and drew the blonde in a protective embrace. Jim stared at Spock intensely; the Vulcan gently raked a hand through Jim's hair and the blonde found himself vaguely reminded of a dream from a long time ago, only the room they were in wasn't painted in white and gold and Jim's bed didn't have cream-colored sheets. Jim decided that he would ask one day if the room he had seen in his dream was the way Vulcan rooms typically looked, or if the whole vision had just been a product of Jim's overactive imagination.

"So was that it, Spock?" Jim asked, drawing himself closer to the Vulcan. "I thought I felt something happen. Did we do it?"

"Yes, Jim," Spock said with a small nod. "We have managed to establish a bond."

"Mm...oh, why do I think there's a 'but' coming?" Jim grumbled.

Spock smiled and nuzzled Jim's forehead affectionately. "It was no fault of your own, Jim. I have been told that bonds not established from an early age tend to be weaker."

"So what do we have to do to make it stronger, then?"

"The bond won't break unless we choose to break it, so there is no need to worry about it dissipating," said Spock. "Think of it more like muscle tissue."

"What, if you don't work it out it will turn to fat?"

"If you do not exercise it, it will most certainly weaken," Spock amended. "However, I don't believe we will ever have to worry about our bond losing its strength due to neglect or lack of nurturing. I believe I speak for us both when I say we will never let anything come between us?"

"Mm...yeah, you're right about that," Jim said affectionately.

Spock's lips quirked into a small smile and he nuzzled his lover again. "Sleep now, Jim. You must be tired."

As if on cue, the other man let out a yawn. "Hm...yeah, you're right, I am pretty exhausted."

He snuggled up against Spock and the Vulcan reached down and drew the covers up and over them. Jim hummed against Spock's chest.

"You get some shut-eye now too, Spock. Don't stay up all night."

"Of course, Jim," Spock said, running his hands through Jim's golden locks once more. "I'll be sure to get some rest."

The Vulcan observed his captain and now official bondmate with contentment as the other man drifted off to sleep. Several minutes later the Vulcan's eyes also unexpectedly fluttered closed and Spock was soon lost in a world of dreams, so deeply entangled that he did not wake up until much later the next morning.

####

_Apparently, pre-bonding had its unexpected side effects._

"Uhura! What's the itinerary for today?" Jim asked the lieutenant since Spock had yet to arrive on the bridge.

Spock had still been sleeping by the time Jim left for the bridge that morning and he didn't feel any distress coming from the Vulcan through their light mental bond, so Jim wasn't too worried about his first officer's whereabouts. Uhura approached him with a PADD and began to read off to him the tasks the Federation had assigned them for the day. Jim leaned against one of the rails that were behind the captain's chair while he listened. Spock's voice interrupted her at some point during her report.

"Thank you, lieutenant, I will take it from here."

Jim smiled and turned around to face the Vulcan. "Ah, Spock. Glad you're finally with us."

"I apologize for my tardiness," said Spock.

Jim was about to respond but was shocked into silence when Spock gave him a quick peck on the lips before continuing to read from where Uhura had left off on the PADD. The action had happened so quickly that only Uhura and one other crew member had seen the exchange; they were equally surprised. Spock, however, showed no indication that he had done anything out of the ordinary. Jim turned slowly in Sulu's direction when the Vulcan finished reading.

"Uh...Sulu!" said Jim.

"Yes, Captain!"

"Set the ship for uh...for uh...damn, I just forgot what that first stop was," said Jim.

"The first item on the list was Midos V," Sulu supplied helpfully. "I can set the coordinates for that, sir."

"Uh, yeah, great," said Jim. "Do that."

"Aye, Captain."

Jim froze when strong arms suddenly wrapped around him. Out of reflex he tightened his grip on the railing in front of him. His eyes widened upon feeling Spock nuzzle the crook of his neck.

"Is everything all right, Jim?" Spock asked, murmuring his question against Jim's skin.

A few more of the crew members were starting to notice Spock's uncharacteristic behavior and Jim felt a blush rising in his cheeks. It took him a minute before he found his voice.

"Um Spock..." Jim said quietly. "...what are you doing?"

"Vulcans are touch telepaths," Spock explained nonchalantly. "I am merely inspecting your physical, emotional, and mental states."

Jim tried to gently pry Spock off him, but he should have known better; Vulcans were significantly stronger than humans. After a few seconds he gave up in his attempts to wiggle free and let out a small sigh. A couple of the crew members giggled. To say that Jim's masculinity took a bit of a blow was a severe understatement. He sighed again.

"Well can you tell what I'm feelin' right now, by any chance?" Jim whispered.

"Hm...I sense a mixture of happiness, embarrassment and...discomfort?" Spock questioned, opening his eyes.

For the first time, the Vulcan seemed to notice all the eyes peering curiously in their direction. He immediately flashed them all a glare, which proved effective as everyone quickly averted their gaze. He returned his attention back to Jim with a strange look on his face. It took a minute for Jim to realize what the look meant, and had he not felt so awkward in that moment he might have laughed. Spock's look was one of expectancy, as if he wanted Jim to tell him that he performed his role as a lover well. Jim shook his head. A light frown formed on Spock's face.

"Is something else the matter, Jim?" Spock asked.

"Yeah," Jim said, nodding. "I think you're broken."

"Pardon?"

"Come on," Jim said, taking Spock by the wrist. "Let's go see Bones."

"If you see the need for it..."

"Oh, I think it's definitely necessary, believe me," Jim said, muttering mostly to himself what he said next. "Maybe he can figure out why you're acting so damn loopy."

Spock raised an eyebrow at the comment, which had been loud enough for him to hear.

"It appears you are most determined," he said. "Then allow me to make our trip faster. Vulcans can move at a pace considerably faster than a human's."

"Say what?" Jim asked, looking behind his shoulder at Spock.

It was a mistake. Jim's momentary hesitation was just enough time that Spock needed in order to scoop the blonde captain in a cradling fashion, with one of his arms underneath Jim's legs and the other wrapped around Jim's shoulders. Spock then began moving at a rather brisk pace. To a certain extent, he may not have been walking fast enough. Jim suddenly found himself desperately wishing he could just melt away or disappear. It didn't help hearing the bridge erupt in laughter the minute the doors slid shut behind them.

Jim groaned and buried his face in his hands as Spock continued to carry him down the hall. They earned a few more amused and bewildered glances from the ship's crewmen as they passed by. The former playboy knew that if any of his previous lovers and flings could see him now, they'd probably get a kick out of this for sure.

 _"Not cool. Not cool at all,"_ Jim thought to himself. _"Next thing you know, I'll start being the one on bottom in bed."_

* * *


	13. Lessons in Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand we're finally caught up with the cross-posts. Not sure when the next chapter will be out, but hopefully soon. One good thing about cross-posting is if I screw up and duplicate chapters on one, I can always use the other to copy things back over before making mutual edits. 
> 
> Debating whether or not to cross-post a fic or two that I really liked from one of my old names, but I don't know if that would just confuse things unnecessarily. Eh, who knows. I'll think about it.

_Chapter XII: Lessons in Bonding_

_"So you have only just created the framework for the bond."_

"That is correct," Spock said to his father, whose face was on Spock's communication screen. "Approximately seventeen hours ago."

_"There is still an opportunity to change your mind, my son."_

"One that I have no intention of taking," Spock replied.

Sarek let out a small sigh. _"And yet, I find it necessary to ask you one last time to reconsider."_

"Father, to be quite clear," said Spock. "I have not called seeking your permission."

A light frown appeared on his father's face. _"Then what is your reason?"_

"Out of respect, Father," said Spock. "The ship's doctor has been monitoring me the past few hours."

Sarek's lips pressed into a firm, thin line. He already knew what his son was going to say.

"I have been showing mild symptoms of the beginnings of plak tow," said Spock. "I believe I do not have long until I break into a full-fledged fever."

Sarek said nothing at first and just stared at his son. Spock made sure to keep his slowly growing impatience and irritation towards his father in check. Sarek said his next words quietly.

_"Then do what you must."_

Without giving his son a chance to reply, Sarek cut off the call. Spock stared at the blank screen for a moment; his jaw involuntarily clenched and relaxed just once. He then entered in a command on his communication screen. This time, the face of McCoy blipped onto his screen.

 _"Yeah? What is it, hobgoblin?"_ the man asked gruffly.

"I am placing a request for a doctor's order," said Spock. "One that will allow the captain and I to be absent from the bridge for the next seventy-two hours."

 _"Jiminy Christmas! When that other hobgoblin said you two were going to need a long time, he wasn't kidding,"_ said McCoy. _"You'd better not do anything to hurt Jim, or I'll—"_

"Pardon my interruption, Doctor," said Spock. "But who is this other 'hobgoblin' you speak of?"

McCoy frowned on his screen. _"You want a name you mean? I don't know, I think it was Stan or something like that. And let me tell you, the guy's got less of a personality than you do."_

"Stonn..." Spock said drily. "And I suppose Jim advised you to speak with him?"

 _"Well yeah,"_ said McCoy. _"You Vulcans aren't exactly public about your medical conditions and practices. I learned a lot from him too—that guy actually gave me a ton of information. And don't worry, I'll keep it all private."_

"I am pleased to hear you were able to take advantage of such a rare opportunity," Spock said with his voice lightly laced in sarcasm. "However, I request you cease any further communications with him."

McCoy chuckled. _"Yeah, Jim told me you were probably going to say something like that. Don't even worry about it, because it won't happen. Dealing with just one of you guys is already more than I can take. Give him a little credit though—thanks to him I'm going to give you the physician's order easy, no questions asked."_

"How wonderful..." said Spock.

 _"Isn't it, now?"_ said McCoy. _"You've got the portable menders, right?"_

_"Yes."_

_"So is that it? There anything else you guys will need?"_

"No," said Spock. "Thank you, Doctor."

 _"Yeah, yeah, whatever,"_ said McCoy. _"I swear, ever since I've become friend's with Jim, my life has—"_

Spock didn't even bother to hear the rest of what the doctor had to say and cut off the communication. He then punched another command on his screen, making one last call. After several rings, Jim answered and his face flickered onto the screen. The blonde captain smiled.

_"Hey there, Spock."_

The Vulcan wasted no time with pleasantries. "Jim. You and I have both been issued a physician's order granting us absence from the bridge for the next seventy-two hours. I request that you please make your way to my quarters at once, and that you arrive dressed in garments that you do not mind losing as well as a proper change of attire."

Jim blinked at took a minute to process the sudden overflow of information. _"Wow...uh, okay. I can do all that, just give me a few minutes I guess. See you soon...?"_

"Yes," said Spock. "You have my permission to enter without announcement."

Not giving Jim a chance to say anything else, the Vulcan abruptly cut off the communication. He then proceeded to strip off his clothes. He was fully naked by the time Jim arrived; the other man was wearing a plain tee-shirt and sweatpants. He also had with him a plastic bag with a fresh set of clothes that Spock said he would be needing. Jim's jaw dropped immediately upon seeing the Vulcan.

"Shit, Spock! What in the world—"

"Drop the bag, Captain," Spock ordered, cutting the other man off.

Jim did so out of reflex; he was still stunned. With incredible speed, Spock swept Jim off his feet, carried him over to the bed, and then unceremoniously shredded off what Jim was wearing.

"Holy hell..." Jim said softly, looking up at Spock, eyes wide.

Hardly giving the other man a chance to digest what was happening, Spock immediately pushed the both of them up so that they were in a better position on the bed. Jim let out a surprised gasp when Spock gripped him tightly; blue eyes beginning to cloud with arousal. The blonde made an appreciative noise when the Vulcan's lips met his for an intense kiss; Jim slid his fingers through Spock's black hair. Jim let out a soft and breathy chuckle when they broke apart for air.

"Well damn. You're just ready to get right into it, aren't you?" he said.

Spock responded with a grunt before pushing Jim up just a little bit higher and spread his legs apart, surprising Jim slightly with his sudden aggression. Jim was able to stop Spock before the Vulcan did anything too rash.

"Whoa now, easy there, tiger," Jim said, laughing lightly when the Vulcan let out a noise of frustration. "I like a good roll in the hay as much as the next guy, but you can't just rush into it or someone might get hurt, yeah? Mm...!"

Jim shuddered with pleasure when the Vulcan gently bit down on his shoulder. Spock then moved up to nibble on his ear, causing Jim to shiver. He was a little bit dazed when Spock spoke into his ear.

"Then what is it that I must do?"

Jim let out a soft chuckle as he trailed a tongue over his bottom lip, wetting it. "That ready to go, huh? All right, just follow my lead and do exactly what I tell you, and I promise we'll both enjoy this."

"Yes," Spock murmured, nipping lightly at Jim's neck.

"Mm! Okay, first we've got to get me ready," Jim said before taking the fingers of Spock's right hand into his mouth.

If Jim were to be honest, he would have to admit that he sort of envied his lover as he moaned—Jim could only imagine how much more sensual the experience probably was for Spock, since Vulcans were extra sensitive to touch. He released Spock's fingers from his mouth when he felt that they were wet enough. He slid a hand behind Spock's neck and drew the Vulcan closer to him so that their foreheads were touching. He gave Spock a quick peck on the lips.

"Okay, now just take your fingers down below and just slide one of 'em in, all right?" Jim said, his eyes mostly closed. "Just keep slidin' it in and out for a bit; you'll know when it's okay to add more—it'll start feeling a little less tight."

There was a pause in the Vulcan's actions. "You've done this many times before?"

"Um...yeah, I guess so. Sort of," said Jim. "I mean I haven't done it with as many guys though."

Jim squirmed a little when he felt Spock's disapproval through their very light bond. He caressed the back of Spock's neck with his hand and gently turned the Vulcan's face to look at him. He opened up his eyes and met Spock's gaze.

"Hey," he said. "I can't change the past. I honestly would if I could, but I can't, and I'm sorry about that. I can promise though that I'll never do this again with anyone else. Okay? You have my word."

Spock stared at him long and hard. In the end, he seemed to find what he was looking for in the other man's eyes, and Jim let out a very small sigh of relief when the Vulcan resumed his movements. He couldn't deny that he was inexplicably turned on watching Spock slip his fingers into his mouth to wet them again before sliding them inside Jim, one at a time and at a gradual pace. Jim let out soft gasps of pleasure at the penetration mostly because he hadn't been on the receiving end in a long time, so he had somewhat forgotten the sensations that came with it. Needless to say, he welcomed the reminder. He also found himself becoming rather impatient.

"Aw, fuck it. Just put it in, Spock," said Jim.

The Vulcan didn't have to be told twice. Jim's hands automatically flew to the top of his head and he let out an appreciative moan when Spock penetrated him. Jim noted that his feelings of arousal were even stronger than the first time they had sex, and he wondered if it was due to the foundational bond that they had created together.

"Shit, that's good," said Jim.

Spock merely grunted in response. Jim wasn't surprised to find that the Vulcan was a quick learner, and they took less than five minutes to find the perfect pleasurable pace. The blonde captain watched Spock through lust-filled eyes as he reached down and fondled himself while the Vulcan pounded him. He was halfway to his climax when Spock did something unexpected; while continuing to slide in and out of Jim, the Vulcan lifted one of his hands to the blonde's face and pressed down firmly on the other man's melding points. Jim barely had the chance to recognize the action from his prior experience with the Vulcan's alternate version before he was thrown into an otherworldly experience again. This time their mental connection seemed to last considerably longer than the first time they had done it. In fact, this time Jim became overwhelmed by a vast array of images. Some of the things he saw were past memories of his own life, even the ones that he had at some point forgotten. Other memories that he saw were ones that clearly belonged to Spock, and Jim felt as if they were being embedded deep into his subconscious.

While all this was happening, Jim also felt himself entering a heightened state of ecstasy. He wasn't sure if it was due to the fact that they were in the process of strengthening their bond or if it was because Spock was projecting his euphoric feelings to Jim through their bond, but whatever the case was, Jim found that he didn't really much care. Either way, Jim couldn't deny that he was completely enjoying himself and was more than thrilled that the sensations showed no sign of ebbing any time soon. As they both reached their climax, Jim was blinded by a bright white light and found himself feeling oddly detached from the sound of his own screams even though they were in accompaniment to the shocks of pleasure coursing through his body.

It took a moment for Jim's vision to clear, and when it did the first thing he saw was the pitch black eyes of his lover, completely dilated in lust. Both men were out of breath, but only Jim's chest heaved more visibly. He let out an almost strangled gasp when Spock ran his fingers gently down the blonde's chest; Jim twisted and moaned when the Vulcan's hands traveled down below his waist and gripped his length.

" _Fuck_ , that's sensitive," Jim gritted out. " _Nn_ , shit...!"

Spock soon had the blonde captain reduced to soft groans and whimpers; his body unusually sensitive to the Vulcan's touch. Spock couldn't resist teasing Jim, raking his fingers all over the other man's body. He chuckled when Jim let out a stream of curses.

"Nngh, Spock," said Jim. "What the _fuck_ are you doing to me? Why does this feel so damn good?"

The Vulcan couldn't help but to smirk as he nuzzled the crook of his lover's neck. "Does it not always feel this good, Jim?"

"Mm, go to hell," Jim moaned. "Don't be such a smart ass. I know you've done some kind of Vulcan voodoo shit to me. Never in my life did just being touched by someone feel this fucking good."

"Well, it is of the utmost importance that a Vulcan's bondmate feel as aroused as possible during the process of mating," Spock said in a mock-lecturing tone. "Of course, this is also an exceptional case."

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ ," Jim cursed softly as he felt the Vulcan's hands trail downward again. "Exceptional case how?"

Spock found himself thoroughly enjoying the other man's moans in response to his trailing a tongue from the base of Jim's length to the tip, and he was also beginning to understand why Jim had delighted in hearing him beg before, when Spock had been on the receiving end of things. He also found himself rather pleased to see Jim too paralyzed in a state of euphoria to do much more than grip his hands tightly around tufts of pillow as the Vulcan continued his ministrations.

"You see, Jim," Spock said, while slowly pumping the other man. "Under normal circumstances, bonding is usually between two Vulcans. In that situation, each partner is able to maintain his or her own constant state of arousal during the mating process. This is most important because Vulcan bonding requires a great deal of stamina. However, as a human you do not have the required means and are therefore incapable of doing so. As a result, the responsibility then falls on me to project upon you such a state through our growing bond."

"Mm, I think this is the dirtiest I've ever heard you talk," Jim said with a slight whine in his voice. "And yet, you still manage to make everything sound like a classroom lecture."

"I believe it was you who said that I was a great orator," Spock said, his voice lightly teasing. "In fact, I believe those were your exact words."

Jim groaned at the Vulcan's cheesy pun. "Spock, you're killing me."

"On the contrary, Jim," said Spock. "As I have just explained, that is the very opposite of what I am actually doing."

"Fuck, whatever," said Jim. "Let's just stop talking now and get the hell on with it."

"Of course, Jim," Spock said with a small smile. "Of course."

And had the blonde captain been in a fully functioning and proper state of mind, he might have been a little more careful about what he asked for—or at the very least, he may have been a little more careful about how he asked for it.

####

Jim found that he could hardly move when he woke up to the sound of Spock's alarm clock on the morning of the fourth day of his sharing the same bed as the Vulcan. He let out a soft groan when he felt strong arms wrap around his thoroughly exhausted body, and despite himself, Jim couldn't help but chuckle weakly with mild amusement.

"Please, no more," Jim said in a hoarse voice, his body no longer in a mode of hypersensitivity. "Seriously, Spock. I don't think I can take any more. I'm sore all over."

Spock let out a small laugh as well as he turned the other man around to face him as well; the Vulcan pulled Jim in closer and ran a hand affectionately through the other man's hair.

"Not to worry, Jim," Spock said, the corners of his lips quirking up into a tiny smile. "We are quite done for a while."

"Oh, good," Jim said, letting out a little sigh of relief and leaning into Spock. "Never thought I'd ever say this, but I think I'm going to be pretty good without getting laid for a while—that all sure was something else. Tell me something, Spock. Do all Vulcans have a libido as high as yours?"

Spock tilted his head slightly to one side. Jim continued talking without giving the Vulcan a chance to respond.

"You know what? Then again, now that I think about it, it actually kind of makes sense. I mean, you guys pretty much stay abstinent your entire lives, right?"

Spock nodded. "That is correct."

"Well then hell," said Jim. "I'd probably be fucking ready to go too by the time my future spouse finally decided to roll around and say hey."

Spock let out another small laugh and gently ran his fingers up and down the other man's spine. "How are you feeling?"

"Just sore all over, like I said before," said Jim. "Nothing broken or anything though."

"Good. Do you think you can get up?"

"You mean sit up? Yeah, I think so. If you're asking if I can get up and walk though, I think that's going to be a different story."

"Hm...if you can get into a sitting position, that should be enough."

"Huh? Enough for what?" Jim asked, looking up at the Vulcan.

Spock turned briefly to reach for something behind him; it was a portable mender. Jim chuckled.

"Bones."

"Indeed," said Spock. "He requested that we only stop by fully clothed or if there is something serious that requires his attention."

Jim laughed. "Can't say I'm surprised—sounds about right, for him. Want me to get up now?"

"If you are able."

"Yeah, okay."

There was a rustle of sheets and soon both men were in an upright sitting position. Jim's backside was to the Vulcan as Spock began treating him with the mender. After Spock had finished, he even treated Jim with a relaxing massage. Roughly an hour later, they were back to lying down in bed. Jim was the first to break the comfortable silence that had fallen between them.

"Hey listen, Spock," said Jim. "Shouldn't we be reporting to the bridge now? Alpha shift already started."

"The crew has managed without us for three days," said Spock. "I am most certain they can handle another few hours."

Jim laughed. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Spock propped himself up on his side and looked down lovingly at Jim, who appeared to be lost in thought. "Something on your mind, Jim?"

"Hm? Um, not really, I guess," Jim said looking up at Spock. "Well, except for the fact that I feel really happy right now. And safe. God, I sound like a chick, don't I?"

"Those feelings are normal after effects of our bonding, T'hy'la," Spock said with a slight chuckle. "You are content because we have established a strong and permanent connection—you feel safe because we are within close proximity of each other, and you can see that I am well."

"Huh. So this bond thing we have can actually have an impact on my emotions."

"That is correct."

"I see," Jim said, processing the information. "By the way, Spock."

"Hm?"

"What was that you called me a second ago? Ty-lah or something?"

"Ah. T'hy'la."

"Yeah, that," said Jim. "What's it mean?"

"A word that has many meanings," Spock murmured. "Brother. Friend. Lover. Soulmate."

With each word, Spock gently pressed his lips to a different part of Jim's face; his forehead, nose, cheek, and lips. Jim smiled after Spock broke away from the last kiss. He reached up and caressed the side of the Vulcan's face.

"T'hy'la. I like that," said Jim. "Call me that from now on? When we're alone like this?"

"Of course," Spock said, covering Jim's hand with his own.

"So Spock, tell me something else," said Jim. "There's more things I've been wondering about all this other stuff you Vulcans do. You know, in addition to bonding."

The Vulcan arched an eyebrow. "Certainly. Any questions you may have about our culture I will answer to the best of my ability."

"All right," Jim said, getting back up into a sitting position on the bed. "Let's start with bonding then. You said we would be able to communicate through touch telepathy..."

"That is correct," said Spock. "Though it may take some practice, since you are not Vulcan."

"Yeah, I figured as much."

"Bear in mind also that we have established a very permanent bond, as opposed to a rudimentary one," said Spock. "Therefore you and I are not as limited in how we can communicate as T'Pring and I were."

"What do you mean?"

"Through the light bond T'Pring and I shared, it was only possible to send certain shallow emotions through the link," said Spock. "And in order to have a private conversation while in a public setting, a connection would have to be made through touch, as you witnessed during our visit to Vulcan II."

"All right," said Jim. "I think I follow. So what about us?"

"As bondmates, in addition to being able to feel emotions through the link and communicate by touch, we now also have the ability to keep in close contact, even if we are not in within close proximity of each other," said Spock. "Though this will probably also require a great deal of practice on your part. Vulcans are taught from childhood how to master this ability in preparation for the future."

Jim looked confused. "I don't get it. Keep in contact without the use of touch and even if we aren't right next to each other? How?"

His eyes widened when he heard the Vulcan chuckle lightly in his mind.

 _"Like this, T'hy'la,"_ Spock spoke in Jim's mind. _"Eventually, after improving our skills, we will be able to communicate with each other like this even if we were on different planets."_

Jim frowned. "You know, I don't think I've ever been the clingy type, but for some reason when you said that just now I couldn't help but think that I'm not sure I like the idea of us being that far apart."

The Vulcan laughed again lightly in Jim's mind. _"That is another natural instinct that comes with the bond."_

"What, separation anxiety?" Jim snorted.

He could feel the Vulcan smiling in his mind. _"I suppose it is something to that effect."_

"Okay," said Jim.

His eyebrows furrowed together and his face held an expression of a sudden, deep concentration. Spock looked at the other man curiously, but remained patient, waiting to see what the other man would do. He was mildly surprised when Jim looked up at him because the minute their eyes met, Spock felt the vague and somewhat familiar sensation of being drawn in. He felt more than saw Jim's lips curve into a small smile.

 _"So now that we're on the subject of being in each other's thoughts,"_ said Jim. _"Maybe you could answer a few of the questions I have about that."_

The Vulcan half-smiled. _"You learn quickly, T'hy'la."_

Jim mentally shrugged. _"I mean technically, Spock, we've done this a few times before. Now that we've bonded though, I think I've got a better understanding as to how to channel it."_

 _"Yes, I can see that,"_ said Spock. _"What is it that you wish to ask?"_

 _"When I connected minds with the other you,"_ said Jim. _"He did something where it was like I was in another world in his mind. Like an alternate reality made of thoughts."_

 _"Ah,"_ said Spock. " _Yes, I suppose that is one way to put it. That is a connection that occurs when the minds connect through touch; the link is best made when one connects through the melding points on an individual's face. The purpose is usually to provide visual aid when telling a story."_

_"Like sharing a memory?"_

_"Yes, precisely."_

_"All right,"_ said Jim. _"Then that leads me to my next question."_

 _"And what would that be?"_ asked Spock.

_"When I was on Delta Vega, you—the other Spock—showed me something I'm not sure I was supposed to have seen."_

_"I am afraid I do not understand,"_ said Spock.

_"Well he did that melding thing you were talking about, putting his hand on my face and everything. He showed me everything that had happened in his reality, but while he was doing that, I got to see something else too."_

_"What else did you see?"_

_"It was weird, I mean, it seemed like it was a memory I was watching, except that I was in it. And the strangest part was that it all felt so real."_

Spock thought about this a moment. _"What you are describing is not altogether unusual."_

_"Huh? It's not?"_

_"No,"_ said Spock. _"It is not. I could show you an example if you would like."_

_"Please."_

_"Very well."_

Jim vaguely registered Spock's fingers pressing down on the appropriate points on his face. Soon their surroundings changed and they were now standing in a darkly-colored room. Jim took a moment to take in the change of scenery before looking over at Spock.

"Wow," he said. "Where are we?"

The Vulcan's hands were clasped behind his back. "We are in one of the rooms of my father's home on Vulcan."

"Vulcan?" Jim asked. "You mean the one that..."

"Yes," Spock said, nodding. "This is merely a memory from the past."

"Oh, so we didn't like...time travel or anything like that?"

"No," said Spock.

"So where's the memory?" Jim asked.

"We are currently reliving it," said Spock.

He pointed over to a corner where a younger version of himself was sitting. Both of Jim's brows raised.

"Oh," he said.

"On this day, I sat on that side of the room for several minutes before my mother arrived," Spock said softly. "To comfort me."

"Ah," said Jim. "Mind if I ask what happened?"

"Not at all," Spock said, turning back to look at Jim. "As we are now bondmates there should no longer be any secrets between us."

Jim half-smiled. "Yeah, but if you're not comfortable sharing, I understand."

"It's all right," said Spock. "Many times throughout my childhood I was ridiculed and taunted for being of half-human heritage. I was able to endure most of the insults. Unfortunately, if anyone chose to speak poorly of my father and mother, I was unable to maintain any form of self-control, and I would react most unfavorably. It caused a lot of grief for my parents."

Jim frowned. "Unfavorably? What do you mean unfavorably? You punch these kids out or something?"

Spock chuckled softly. "Yes."

"Well good! I would have too!" said Jim. "Those kids got what they deserved."

"Perhaps, but my actions were considered most inappropriate, at least according to Vulcan standards."

"Aw, to hell with their standards!"

The Vulcan tilted his head, slight amusement on his face. "I believe my mother would have agreed with you."

As if on cue, there was the clicking sound of a door opening and Spock's mother entered the room. The first thought that crossed Jim's mind as he watched the woman walk over to the young Spock was that he found her to be very beautiful—he could see where Spock got his softer features from. Jim felt a small pang of sorrow coming from Spock and he reached out his hand to comfort the Vulcan, only to realize that Spock was no longer beside him. He looked around, confused, but Spock had somehow disappeared without a trace. It took him a few minutes to realize where the other man could have possibly gone. Recalling the time he had experienced a memory of his other self through a mind meld with the other version of Spock, Jim looked in the direction Spock had pointed to earlier, where the younger version of himself was sitting.

Jim couldn't prove anything, but he was almost certain that the child was now more than just a projection. The way the child reached out for the woman and the look of longing in his eyes was enough to convince Jim that Spock had somehow slipped himself into the memory so he could interact with the shade of his mother from a first-person perspective. Jim felt a tight clench in his chest as he watched the interaction. When the memory concluded, Jim was not the least bit surprised to find that Spock had mysteriously reappeared by his side.

"Hey," Jim said softly.

The sound of Jim's voice broke the Vulcan out of his trance. He looked at his lover.

"I apologize," said Spock. "I did not mean for—"

"Don't worry about it," Jim said, shaking his head. "I understand. Can I ask you something though?"

"Yes, of course," said Spock.

"You were in there somehow, weren't you? Just now?" Jim asked. "You got to live things all over again from that angle?"

"That is correct," said Spock. "Humans have the same ability in their dreams, but compared to a Vulcan, the results are far more erratic. Since we are trained from a young age to hone our mental abilities, we are able to do things like this simply through meditation."

"All right, well I guess that kind of explains things," said Jim. "I actually sort of had something like that happen when I was connected with the other you back on Delta Vega. The only thing is, I'm not sure if what I saw was real or not."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "You believe you shared in a daydream as opposed to a memory? That seems somewhat unlikely and unusual."

"What do you mean?"

"Most of what is shared through the bond are the life memories of each partner," said Spock. "Much of which is buried deep within the subconscious. If anything were to unintentionally surface during a connection, it would more likely be one of those memories rather than a fleeting dream with no personal significance."

"Huh. Interesting," said Jim. "When you say it's all buried deep though, do you mean that neither of us would be aware of it?"

"That is correct," said Spock. "Unless there is a trigger, or unless one of us summons a particular memory, most of the time it is just tucked away, forgotten."

"So you're saying right now I have all your memories from as far back as you can remember until now?" Jim asked.

"Yes," Spock said, nodding. "In addition, you may even possess memories that even I have forgotten."

"What?" Jim asked, frowning. "That doesn't make sense! How is that even possible?"

"Think of the mind as a recording device, and your eyes as the lens," said Spock. "We see many things, day to day. While we remember most immediately the memories most important to us, our minds are capable of storing an immense amount of information."

"Okay, so let me see if I've got this right. Say I see pizza on the cafeteria's menu. I'm probably not going to remember that it was thirty years from now, but you're saying even if I don't _think_ I remember, I really do?"

"Precisely," said Spock. "Under that same concept, the minute we established our permanent bond, our minds made more than just a connection—they also made a transfer. You and I now both possess a copy of each other's lifetime memories."

"So you're saying I can access your memories at any time I want to?" asked Jim.

"Technically, yes. Though normally in order to do so it would require some meditation," said Spock.

"Well that's just an invasion of privacy right there, isn't it? No wonder you guys mate for life," said Jim. "Imagine all the blackmail material if you guys chose to break things off."

Spock chuckled. "Perhaps, but there is a far more important reason as to why Vulcans choose to mate with just one partner—the severance of a bond, whether professionally or unexpectedly done, can cause very serious side effects, one of which is death."

"Oh yeah, that's right. I forget who told me about that, but I remember learning about it," Jim said, shaking his head. "You guys just turn everything literal, don't you? Married until death do you part?"

"I suppose it may seem that way," said Spock. "For the most part though, Jim, neither partner typically pries into the memories of the other."

"Well why does it happen then? Do you guys know?"

"The reasons are not entirely clear," said Spock. "It is something Vulcans have been researching for years. However, the current theory is that the open access to a spouse's memories is to create a sense of trust between partners. We place a high priority on an individual's privacy, and therefore trust is established by not prying into the memories of the other party."

"That's...logical," said Jim.

"Indeed," said Spock.

"You mentioned earlier that you guys don't _typically_ pry into the other person's memories," said Jim. "Does that mean sometimes you guys do?"

"Only in rare cases," said Spock.

"Such as?"

"An extreme case would be if an act of violence rendered you comatose," said Spock. "I may feel inclined to sift through your memories to see if I could find who put you in such a state, so that I could...handle them properly."

Jim's lips quirked into a small smile at Spock's words. "How noble of you. There is something else I'm wondering though. Is it possible for me to say...tap one of my memories through you?"

"It is possible, yes."

"Even if it isn't from this lifetime?"

Spock frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well when I connected with you—the other you, I mean—I think I got to see a memory that belonged to the other me. God it feels weird saying that."

"Ah, I see," Spock said, nodding. "That is possible, since you are still yourself, regardless of whether or not you're from the same time period."

"Okay, but based on everything you've been telling me, shouldn't it have been more difficult for me to get those memories?"

Spock took a moment to think about Jim's question. "You make a valid point; however, there is a chance my guard may have been down."

"You mean the other you, right?"

"Yes."

"Why would your guard have been down?"

"I imagine because I may not have seen you in quite some time," Spock said, his cheeks flushing a very faint green.

"Oh," Jim said, his own face turning a light shade of pink even though he didn't really have a reason to feel embarrassed. "So you Vulcans _are_ secretly sentimental."

"...perhaps."

Jim chuckled softly. He then looked away from Spock and took a brief scan of their surroundings. They appeared to still be in Spock's father's house, but the room they were in was empty.

"Well, it doesn't look like another memory is playing or anything, so how are we still here?" Jim asked, looking at the Vulcan.

"A good question," Spock said, also taking a look around. "It appears the combined strength of our mental abilities is allowing us to remain in this meditative state."

"We're _meditating_ right now?" Jim asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I can see no other explanation," said Spock. "It is not unusual to visualize one's form or realistic surroundings."

"Huh, well that's interesting," said Jim. "I've got some more questions for you later, if you don't mind."

"Certainly. I will answer any of your queries to the best of my ability."

The two of them then gently transitioned out of the mental connection. Jim soon found himself back in reality, and in the comfort of his lover's arms.

"Mm...listen, Spock, as much as I hate to say it, I'm still feeling pretty tired. I'm not sure if I'm ready to get back into the swing of things just yet."

"Then I believe it may be best that you rest for another day," said Spock. "I will send a request to Dr. McCoy to extend our leave until tomorrow."

"Good idea," Jim said, leaning into Spock's body and his lips curling into a small smile.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So writing sex scenes are so difficult they make me sweat. Lol. I mean, who knows what future chapters will bring, but for now I think I'm just going to take a break from it, eh heh. Anyway, already working on the next chapter! Here's to no more future technical difficulties on my end, eh? Lol.
> 
> This chapter was also originally meant to be longer, but in light of the fact a sequel to the 2009 film is coming out, I've decided to see if that movie might change a few things I initially had planned with this one. Can't say anything for sure yet, but definitely stay tuned.
> 
> Other than that, see you all again next chapter! Reviews are loved, of course!


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